Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Quick clips for Wednesday August 6

Suggestive thrusting - 1, MPAA ratings board - 0

Identifying the source of movie news is akin to trying to identify the origin of a sexually transmitted disease, at best you can only point to the most frequented source. In this case, everyone in the free world is reporting that Kevin "What happened to all that promise and why does Ryan Syrek still love me" Smith won his appeal to lower the rating of Zac and Miri Make a Porno from a theater-intimidating NC-17 (a rating more useless than Pauly Shore's sex organ) to a big-screen friendly R. This is Smith's third successful appeal, but presumably the first that involved the explanation that the sex on screen wasn't graphic but hilarious. Sadly, men across the world have attempted to use the inverse of this logic for generations. This whole thing is really just an obvious attempt to drum up enthusiasm and interest in a movie that I was already interested in. Being that I am (A) a total Kevin Smith whore, (B) working on a mean man-crush on Seth Rogen, and (C) wondering how high to rank Elizabeth Banks in my "list," chances were I was going to be responsible for most of the film's repeat business anyway.

I dream of a world where Fear the Port-a-Potty is a reality

Ben Coffman, one of our esteemed film reviewers (and before you ask, if I esteem him, he is esteemed, we need no outside esteeming agency), sent me to Very Short List (a cool site in and of itself), which made The Parellel Universe Film Guide its Web site of the day. As VSL explains, "Created and maintained by Spencer Green, the PUFG reads like a satirical Wikipedia of cinema (with even less accuracy), full of hilarious film titles." If you don't chortle your way through titles like Arbor Day 2: Seeds of Terror and Johnny Autism there's something wrong with you. I would link you directly to the site, but all the cross promotion destroyed the server that the PUFG was sitting on. When this happens, I like to imagine that somewhere in the United States some low-paid tech guy is disrupted from his all-day PS3 marathon by somebody yelling "WE'RE DOWN, SWEET MARY AND JOSEPH WE'RE DOWN" and lots of crying. Lots and lots of crying. Anyway, I think we (and by we, I mean both of you that read this blog) should try to come up with some truly awesome new entries for the Bizzaro-world IMDB. Howsabout Sandwich, Sandwich, Sandwich: A Documentary About Salads?

Rumors I would die to make true, Volume One

Telegraph.co.uk is "reporting" (trust me, on this site, annoying air quotes are a must around that word) that Quentin Tarantino (who is by all reasonable accounts hip-deep in trying to get Inglorious Bastards off the ground) has cast Britney Spears as the lesbian stripper/killer in his remake of Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill (no, that's not a PUFG title). I know that this isn't going to happen, as something ridiculous like 99.99% of all Tarantino rumors are wholly B.S. Still, if this is total crap, someone out there should make it happen. Seriously, give me one good reason why Brit-Brit hasn't apparently been spending the last 3 years rehearsing for this part. I mean, she's one act of homicide away from living this part right now. Tarantino can search high and low all he wants to, but unless Jamie Lynn's kid is talking already, no one else is more qualified for this part. I know we don't get to use our magic wishes too often, but if you find a penny near a fountain, toss one in there with this on your mind.
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