Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Quick clips for Wednesday September 3

This just in: Brandon Routh wants to know if you're going to eat the rest of that

I stole that headline from a way-old Saturday Night Live joke by Norm McDonald about DJ Jazzy Jeff. I just wanted to clear the air on that. The interwebs were abuzz yesterday with news that Warner Bros has gone all "jedi mind trick" with Superman Returns ("Superman Returns, what Superman Returns?"). Basically, the studio is going to ignore superbaby and twiggy Lois and move bravely ahead with...well, no one really has any idea. Routh is more than likely out (which I'm okay with), but no real plans for the reboot have been announced...unless you count in Mark Millar, comic book writer and Scottish exaggerator.

I'm not saying that you can't optimistically believe him, and his comics are awesome (seriously, I'm loving "1985," which is basically "Secret Wars"). One time, I even met him and (despite being known primarily as an author) he insisted that he draw a sketch of Wolverine in my sketchbook (yes, I have a sketchbook...yes, I went to a comic convention...yes, I've touched a girl's bosom). Still, dude claims that Warner is thisclose to signing on the dotted line and I think we all know that's a tidbit of bull puckey. I'm not a big Superman fan, but if they want notes on how to do his stuff big screen, they should be talking to Grant Morrison about his "All-Star Superman" and not Millar, whose best known incarnation of the character was as a commie. Seriously.

I think I'm the first to make a Rommel's noodles joke

Man, I do love me a good war movie (and by good war movie, I mean the type that my Grandpa used to watch whenever I wanted to watch cartoons, the kind with John Wayne or some other tough guy killin' Nazis indiscriminately, not the kind that remind me how truly awful wars actually are...those make my insides sad). I'm pumped about the prospect of explosion-porn producer Jerry Bruckheimer making Killing Rommel. Variety is reporting that the film will be based off a book by Stephen Pressfield that details the efforts of a long range desert group that attempted to stop Rommel and his Panzer tanks (which are faaaaar more effective than the Pansie tanks, which only fire love). No casting announcements have been made (nor will they for awhile), but I think this move (along with Valkyrie and Inglorious Bastards) suggests that the next copycat Hollywood enterprise will be an onslaught of war films. I'm just saying that Danny Trejo better be in at least one of them. As my favorite faux movie reviewer once suggested, the man was born to put knives into people.

Who wants to see another movie from the guy who directed Jungle Book and Van Helsing?

What if I told you it was a remake of Tarzan? Nobody? Doesn't director Steven Sommers have any family who want to see more of his work? Really, even his family wants him to, and I quote, "please God, make him stop, just make him stop." The best quotation I could find about the fact that Sommers will be "reimagining" Tarzan, a hero who swings from things and beats his chest, was from, who pointed out that "Van Helsing proved that he hates freedom." I couldn't have said it better myself. With this in mind, I wanted to point out how thin this news cycle has been for about two weeks now. This reminds me that the threat of an actor's strike must be more probable than we are being led to believe. I'm not saying that I wouldn't normally cover groundbreaking news like "Steven Sommers is about to make a shitty movie," but I wouldn't.
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