Thursday, November 6, 2008

Quick clips for Thursday November 6

I feel so good today, even this won't bring me down

To be fair, I'm not one of the legion of Smokin' Aces detractors like my reviewing chum Ben Coffman, who did not prefer the tomfoolery of director Joe Carnahan nor did he cotton to the nonsensical chicanery of the actors (specifically Jeremy Piven, who I think we all know is a total asshole). So news from Joe Carnahan himself that a direct-to-video prequel is on the way really didn't make me whimper into my Egg McMuffin. The film will reportedly focus on the Tremor Brothers, one of whom is now Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) and is about as likely to go from the bridge of the Enterprise to the DTV land of Steven Segal as I am to ever buy a cheesehead (seriously Packer-backers, they look ridiculous, I don't care about tradition or love, you have a foam wedge of cheese on your dome, have some pride). Carnahan won't say who will or won't be in the prequel (fingers crossed for Andy Garcia, it's this or he goes back to selling designer knives in alleyways), but he does promise abundant cameos. Meditation question of the day: Is it more demeaning to do a cameo in a DTV film or to be the star of the DTV film? I've pontificated on this medium before and I do like to see it used in this way (to flesh out back stories or interesting elements that can turn a modest video profit) but I don't think I had Smokin' Aces in mind at the time. Or ever...I don't think I've ever had Smokin' Aces on my mind.

How will we know if the Salvador Dali biopic is being projected on the screen wrong?

Antionio Banderas, whom you'll remember as being a popular actor before disappearing into the folds of his wife Melanie Griffith's giant clown lips, is being sought to star as Salvador Dali, according to Variety. Now, setting aside that the places I most remember Banderas from these days are as the cat in Shrek and the bee in the Nasanex commercials, he may actually be a good choice for the part (looking somewhat like him and having the ability and willingness to act like a total freakshow). The sad part: It's gonna be directed by the guy (Simon West) who did Con Air and Tomb Raider. How in the name of God does that prepare one for the sheer insanity of directing a movie about a surrealist genius? Did the "put the bunny back in the box" scene in Con Air grapple with the foundations of reality

Okay, bad example, that did make me contemplate my own sanity like Dali's work does. Man that accent is just frakkin' awesome isn't it. I hope West can convince Banderas to forgo the usual Latin-flavor and adopt the drunken-bar-room-impression-of-a-southerner-with-a-jawbreaker-in-his-mouth style of Cage. That guy has an Oscar. Don't forget that. An Oscar. One more note about the Dali movie, there's apparently another one in the works with Al Pacino. Banderas vs Pacino, you decide.

If anticipating a Sylvester Stallone movie is wrong, I don't wanna be right

In addition to all the other news Variety is reporting lately, they finally stumbled upon the goldmine: Sylvester Stallone is writing, directing, and will star in a movie about mercenaries on a mission to kill a South American dictator and will be joined by Jason Statham and Jet Li. Oh. My. God. Every 1980s movie ingrained in my subconsciousness just howled with excitement. Sweet Tango and Cash does that sound phenomenal! I mean, Rambo proved there is still some kind of market for the 1980s Over the Top action movies (get it, because he once did an arm-wrestling movie that I watched all of and don't judge me), but adding Statham and Li, now you're just sucking up, Sly. In the hands of modern writer/directors, you combine Li and Statham and you get that War abomination that came out a few years back...throw in Stallone's script and you have a brain-dead version of the Dirty Dozen complete with ridiculous action gore that is sorely missing from today's films. EVERY action movie I go to these days bothers so heavily with "story" and "character," but I know with every inch of my soul that Sly doesn't care about any of that. He just wants to kill people on screen and for that, I am eternally grateful.
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