Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Quick clips for Tuesday December 2

A new John Grisham movie? 1997 is back, baby!

There was a time, shortly before some of his projects began going direct-to-video, when John Grisham movies were more popular than Tammy, the girl who can't keep her shirt on at parties. Man, when I saw A Time to Kill I was convinced that Matthew McConaughey was a brilliant actor, that Sandra Bullock was the hottest woman alive, and that Sam Jackson had a bright future. Amazing what a decade of intellectual growth will do to you (although that movie still kind of rules, in that I will watch it on TNT any time its on, even though I know all of it by heart...hey, you have your hobbies, I have mine). Now comes word that Shia "The Boof" LaBeouf is ready to breathe life back into Grisham's cinematic carcass, as he is set to star in The Associate, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the profession of law. Variety is reporting that The Boof will play a student at Yale who is manipulated into accepting a job at a prestige law firm and then...hey, wait a minute, this is The Firm, isn't it? Come on, Boof, don't go Tom Cruise! I've been arguing the theory that you're this decade's Harrison Ford. That means you make huge movies based solely on charisma over talent, become beloved by millions, marry a much younger skeleton, and ride off into the sunset on the wings of a lukewarm return to a cherished franchise. Trust me when I say the Cruise way holds only questionable sexuality and aliens...lots of aliens. What have we learned today? That Grisham is back, The Boof must be careful, and that Sandra Bullock used to be hot. Happy Tuesday.

Yes, I'm going to cover every bit of "Battlestar Galactica" news

News doesn't come better than Variety's report that the Sci-Fi Channel performed an emergency sphinctorectomy, freeing their head long enough to greenlight "Caprica," the prequel series to "Battlestar Galactica." Do you hear the angels singing or is that just in my head? I don't give a frak either way, because this means I get to keep living in the best, most realistic science-fiction universe I've ever played in. "Caprica" will star Eric Stoltz (awesome!) and is set 50 years before the Cylon attack on the human colonies. The series is aiming for 2010 (not too far, considering Sci-Fi's penchant for teasing us with projects) and the producers are aiming for a more "human drama" and not so much about science fiction stuff...oh, but it's primarily about the creation of the Cylons, which are robots. So basically the producer is just hoping that people who won't watch sci-fi because of flying ships and laser beams will watch...which they won't. I still have high, high, high hopes for this series, but let me explain something: Stop being something you aren't producer guys. Do you know how many people who are averse to sci-fi watch THE SCI-FI CHANNEL? EVER? Like zero. You won't get those people, so stop trying. You will get people who are interested in anything that is well done, like the many people I know who don't loathe or love sci-fi who watch B-star because it kicks the shiznitty out of everything else on TV. Say it with me know: Quality matters. Make a good show, don't try to outsmart yourself marketing it (like say holding the last few remaining episodes of a series back for over a year), and things will be good. Anyway, it sounds like I'm bitching but I'm not. B-Star will continue in some form, so today is a good day. That phrase just made me wonder if Ice Cube watches B-Star.

I'm not the only one who can't let go of apes

Devin over at Chud.com has been obsessed with the rebirth of Planet of the Apes, which entertains me. Personally, I never really got into the series, although it intrigued me. Maybe it was because I saw Tim Burton's version first, and the whole interspecies bumping of uglies really bothered me. Maybe it's because Charlton Heston was a douche. Maybe it's because the makeup was really weird. Who knows? I am, however, very interested in the future of the series and in watching Devin chase down (and perhaps create) the story about what's happening with the new film. The restart would be Genesis: Apes or Apes: Genesis (but either way would not star Phil Collins), which has now been changed to Caesar (a monkey, not the salad or the Roman). The film would follow a chimp who leads apes to conquer humanity and would be set in present day (the coolest part). Now, the first question I had was "how can this not be the cheesiest, most stupid thing not called 'Howie Do That,' the new NBC Howie Mandel show?" Well, Devin got hold of Scott Frank, the writer for Caesar, and he explained that, although this takes place in the world of Planet of the Apes, it will not feature talking monkeys or end with chimps taking over the world. Basically, it would be the first step in a long series of events that leads to a shirtless Heston finding the Statue of Liberty. Read the whole thing over at Chud, it's really interesting. More interesting to me is what impact all this Internet buzz has had on restarting the stalled project. What I'm saying is, you owe me too monkeys.
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Blogger Thomas said...

i agree. charton heston is a douche.

December 02, 2008  

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