Monday, August 17, 2009

Spider-man vs the studio

According to Variety, Spider-man's fate rests in the pen of this guy:

James Vanderbilt

His name is James Vanderbilt, and I'm going to try to forgive his unfortunate facial hair, his Axe-body-spray hair cut, and the fact that this looks like a date rapist's mug shot. Oy. The bigger concern than my obvious snap judgment about people's appearances, is that Sony has hired the man to write Spider-man 5 and 6, without knowing if they'll have to reboot because Maguire and Dunst are leaving. Look, this ain't Harry Potter, we know the chances are high that this role will be replaced, but knowing whether you're going to be following a literal extension of a storyline from what has been established or kickin' the do-over button is important. Supposedly, the idea that good-ole "Douchey Magee" up there has will span two movies and will involve a simultaneous two-picture shoot. After the vortex of suck formed around the last movie (I know, I reviewed it positively, but thankfully The Reader only keeps an online archive of like 2 weeks or something, so I can start denying it...thank God they have no faith in the sustained viability of the Internet"), a ton is riding on this next endeavor, which Vanderbilt wrote the first draft of...before playwright David Lindsay-Abaire was brought in to rewrite...before Gary Ross was brought in to rewrite that. So, yeah, apparently Vanderbilt's work was so vital they had to bring on two more writers to poke at it (please don't let the villain in this one be male-pattern baldness, the only enemy Vanderbilt TRULY fears). Raimi supposedly did not care for all of Vandy's ideas, which is really reassuring, considering he is the most talented thinker involved on the series. Now, the good news is that Vanderbilt had a hand in Zodiac, which was good if really, really boring, and he also penned The Losers, based on the comic book, and that will likely see the light of day before Spider-man 5 and 6 get rolling, so there's time to fire Captain Pornstache before it's too late, if needs be. Look, I'm just protective, okay, I really love Spidey and the last outing was so bad that I need to believe again. Plus, the Spidey musical is having funding problems, so I may never get that Bono/The Edge Spider-man music that I need to survive (just typing that was hard through my tears). Please, help me Sergeant Soul-Patch, you're my only hope.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can a movie be good and really, really boring? The movie was slow, but tell me if you don't have vivid memories of the picnic scene, the baby scene, the Roger Rabit in the basement scene. Great, great stuff.

He also wrote the Rundown, which was fun. So I look forward to the Rock as Paste Pot Pete and Chris Walken as Swarm in SM 5-6.

August 17, 2009  
Blogger David DeMarco said...

He's not Paste Pot Pete anymore, he's The Trapster! And, if Vanderbilt has his way, he'll probably change it to The Trizzapster...or the Wiggity Wackster.

August 17, 2009  

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