Things You Should Buy Me (Volume 31)

If ever there were an exercise in futility more difficult than trying to convince myself that "Lost" isn't going south on us, it would be this column. We're in our record 31st edition of a column that has, thus far, prompted exactly zero (zip, nada, squadoosh) freebies from interested companies and only a few sporadic purchases from family members (and none from groupies...come on, I have groupies, right?). For some reason, this hasn't convinced me to punt this ongoing series like a football. Perhaps because I'm a glutton for punishment? Perhaps because I'm an eternal optimist who figures that the world is just one day away from requesting my address via film@thereader.com? Who's to say. All I know is that I will keep producing this column until I am either legally forced to stop (the next logical step by companies who won't send me free swag is to politely ask me to stop mentioning them by means of legal subpoena). That, or until I get really bored with it or forget. Either way.

Here's the three things I want most in life for the time being.

1.) Because I want my computer setup to look more edible - Nobody hates cords quite like my wife does. Well, perhaps she would hate them less if they looked like this:
This adorable little booger (which I found on Nerdapproved but you can buy from Luftdesign) is the perfect way to wrap up cords that seem to be laying about your desk as though spaghetti threw up on it. I would point out that this current version invokes a nice alfredo pasta, but if you throw a black cord in there, it's going to either look like there's a hair in your meal or that you eat black licorice with alfredo sauce. Either way, that's not a meal fit for anyone who has taste buds or friends.

2.) Because I make this look gooooood - Admit it, you don't know this guy, but you want to now.
That sexy bastard is rocking ThinkGeek's sleepwear headphones, which are designed for cool mothertruckers like me and this guy. As I've mentioned before, I have a hard time sleeping in absolute silence. Perhaps it goes back to my time in the womb. Or perhaps it's just because I have mild tinnitus, that's really a call for a professional doctor/therapist to make. What I know is that this little thing may just be the solution to me being able to get the music/noise I need without disturbing those around me. And yes, there are often many, many people gathered around me when I sleep. That's one of the other components of nice rest for me, I must be watched at all times.

3.) Because Yakov is only dead if we let him die - I'm told this shirt is some kind of double meme shirt. If I knew what that meant, I would be very impressed. What I know is that ThinkGeek gets me.
They know that I like Yakov Smirnoff jokes almost as much as I like jokes about math, and that I like neither of those things as much as I like red-on-black shirts with sickles and hammers. So, triple point win for the geek squad on this one. For only $15 bucks, you can have a double meme shirt, which is a good thing, unless meme means herpes. Then you'll have double herpes and that's not good.

That's all I want for free this week.

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