Friday, June 11, 2010

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

If nothing else, this will be the end of Shrek's reign of terror. That's something, right? The battle between The A-Team and Karate Kid is going to be closer than expected, thanks to the family appeal of the latter and the "you seriously want to see that?" reaction of most people trying to take spouses and loved ones unfamiliar with the joy of the original 1980s TV show. The seed of Will Smith will do his high-kicking damndest to win the week for his poppa, but it's hard to top shooting a plane with a tank that's falling in the air. Thankfully, I'm here to weigh in on the tough issues of tank-splosions versus flexible, kung-fu using offspring.

Here's my predictions, haiku style:

1.) The A-Team - $35 million

My favorite show,
when I was but a wee lad.
Nostalgia kicks ass.

2.) The Karate Kid - $30 million

It's not a remake.
It should be the Kung Fu Kid.
Nary a crane kick!

3.) Shrek Forever After - $16 million

Go away green man.
You've overstayed your welcome
by at least 3 films.

4.) Get Him to the Greek - $9.5 million

This is quite funny
and deserves some more success.
Jonah Hill must eat!

5.) Killers - $7.5 million

Heigl may be done.
She thinks she's famous, but no.
She can disappear.

WILDCARD: Prince of Persia - $6.5 million

This is a big flop.
Jake got all yoked for nothing.
Sorry about that.

Okay, that's it for predictions, I'll be back later with a Karate Kid review!

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