Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Web of Lies: Mary who now?

Maybe I'm crazy. Oh, there's nothing more to that, I just wanted it on record somewhere. I am, however, also befuddled by Marvel's "no celebrity" policy lately. After peeing on Ed Norton (who, I'm told, brilliantly convinced the world it was raining through sheer acting prowess), dismissing the notion of Joaquin Pheonix stepping into the role of Bruce Banner, and basically indicating to the world that they have no interest in having "good" relationships with "established" actors whose names do not rhyme with Flobbert Flowney Funior, yet another Marvel project (albeit one housed at Sony) has gone all-out redonkulous in their casting stage. Spider-man, which should have a different name but preferably one without a colon, has already revealed who would be inside the mask (Andrew Garfield...yes THE Andrew Garfield). Now the rumors have begun that Anton Yelchin, who was up for the lead role, may be Harry Osborn. This is primarily based on his hair.

It's hard to pull that shit off, and I think he can do it. The other casting rumor is that unknown attractive redhead Elena Satine (who even has a hot-sounding name) is up for Mary Jane, on account of being hot, redheaded, and cheap. I don't mean that kind of cheap, I mean the kind where they can make her sign a contract for 47 sequels and pay her in bananas and arcade tokens. It's the Marvel way. I could have just posted a picture of her, but I did you one better. Here's her singing (yes, she sings) Tom Petty's "Freefallin'" on CBS's "Cold Case." Yes, this is the second time in two days I have mentioned the canceled CBS show "Cold Case." Maybe if I had said more earlier, the show would still be on the air. Then again, they had moments on the show when people would just suddenly sing whole numbers. See:


So those are your Spidey-lies for the day!

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