Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Nobody remembers True Lies correctly

True Lies mostly sucked. If you were attracted to Jamie Lee Curtis and her oddly composed face and penchant for yogurt that makes you poop better, you likely enjoyed the HOUR-LONG subplot about whether she was thinking of boning a car salesman. If you were a normal person with a healthy digestive tract and a discerning facial palate, you were bored beyond belief. I know that James Cameron believes himself to be King Midas, and while we're in the midst of his resurrection that comes once every decade plus we hear about EVERY SINGLE ONE of his bazillion projects that never happen. I've heard about Avatar sequels, Battle Angel Alita, 3 different documentaries about everything from musicians to Titanic stuff, Titanic 3D, and now a "True Lies" revisiting. This from a man who has made exactly one movie since 1998.
Seeing as how the lead players in the original film now have careers that involve helping people poop and feeding it to them at press conferences, a direct sequel is impractical if not impossible. This is why it's being discussed as a TV show, you know, because nobody has ever done the "I'm married to a spy" or "two spies being married to one another" stuff. It's not like there's a show from JJ Abrams with that EXACT premise hitting the air next week. I'm lying in no way when I say I would be more excited by rumors of a sequel to The Abyss. Thankfully, this will likely be retired into whatever giant graveyard it is that they keep all of James Cameron's dead projects in.

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