Quick clips for Tuesday July 29
My vampire will totally kick your zombie's ass
As the anguished masses were forced for centuries to enjoy their peanut butter and chocolate separately before the candy messiahs that are Reece's Pieces were delivered from on high, so too have horror gourmets had to ingest their zombies and vampires from two different sources. That is, until news that "Last Blood," a comic available for free online here, will be turned into a movie. The comic sees vampires fighting to protect the few remaining humans against a zombie onslaught, so they can eat them later. It's your classic, "The enemy of my enemy still wants to gargle my hemoglobin" story. The film will be scripted by one of the writers of "Family Guy." I really hope the writer is the one who does the good jokes on the show and not the guy responsible for the other 95%. What? I determined this ratio after rewatching practically the entire series in-between Guerin pummeling me with her wholly unnecessary presence and intense trivia questions like "name the dad on the Simpsons whose first name ends in 'omer.' "
For the record, Steven Spielberg has made projects in his bathroom better than your movies
George Lucas, who went from nerd-daddy to geek pinata in the span of one poorly conceived Steppin Fetchit computer graphic, is now blaming Steven Spielberg for the condition of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which I actually really liked so suck it. In an interview with the British mag Times Online, Lucas intimated that he was responsible for the well-received Indy films and that Spielberg and Harrison Ford were responsible for the less-positively received one (again, piss off, I loved it). Lucas also said that "Steven wasn't that enthusiastic" about the most recent flick and that the problem with another one is that "I'm in the future, Steven's in the past." A statement in direct opposition to his nostalgia for how the original films were made, and one that shows he still, after all these years, is completely oblivious to what makes his projects interesting in the first place. Moving into "the future" in a movie series about an adventurer in the 1940s and 50s is like making an undersea adventure set in Tuscon. With the latest Jones jaunt having made nearly three quarters of a billion dollars worldwide, pressure to do another one before Ford's depends have to be digitally removed will likely be overwhelming. Here's a thought, distract Lucas with a supposed public outcry for special editions of his prequel trilogy (who cares what he does to those things anyway) and urge him to find a new racial stereotype to parody in alien form while the talented folks make the next Indy movie. If that doesn't work, all we have left is to hope that the life-form that is his throat beard grows angry enough to kill him.
Why can't we let Alicia Keys just be mediocre at one thing?
One of the finest comic series I've ever read (and I read many...I'm not bragging, although I know it's impressive, I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't saying this after having read a "Peanuts" collection and several "Archie" books) is "Y: The Last Man." Touching, poignant, heartbreaking, and lots of other adjectives that should make you want to read it, "Y" is one of those transcendent pieces of fiction that really transports you to someplace else. Set in a world where all men but one have died in a giant plague, the comic follows Yorich Brown, a 20-something magician, as he searches for his girlfriend. Director DJ Caruso, who underwhelmed me with Disturbia but appears to be on track with Eagle Eye, is in charge of the movie adaptation, which will likely star his hetero life-partner Shia "No, I'm totally cool to drive" LaBeouf. Now comes word from movie blog UGO that the producer is considering Alicia Keys for the role of Agent 355, an idea that is second only to New Coke in terms of my disgust upon consumption. LaBeouf I can live with, but the thought of the Proactiv spokeswoman and middling R&B star taking on such a pivotal and nuanced role makes me more ill than the time I tried tofu candy. God forbid we find a black actress capable of the role, let's stick with singers. This could be the sort of special role that breaks a young black actress into the limelight, I'd hate to use it on Alicia freaking Keys.
As the anguished masses were forced for centuries to enjoy their peanut butter and chocolate separately before the candy messiahs that are Reece's Pieces were delivered from on high, so too have horror gourmets had to ingest their zombies and vampires from two different sources. That is, until news that "Last Blood," a comic available for free online here, will be turned into a movie. The comic sees vampires fighting to protect the few remaining humans against a zombie onslaught, so they can eat them later. It's your classic, "The enemy of my enemy still wants to gargle my hemoglobin" story. The film will be scripted by one of the writers of "Family Guy." I really hope the writer is the one who does the good jokes on the show and not the guy responsible for the other 95%. What? I determined this ratio after rewatching practically the entire series in-between Guerin pummeling me with her wholly unnecessary presence and intense trivia questions like "name the dad on the Simpsons whose first name ends in 'omer.' "
For the record, Steven Spielberg has made projects in his bathroom better than your movies
George Lucas, who went from nerd-daddy to geek pinata in the span of one poorly conceived Steppin Fetchit computer graphic, is now blaming Steven Spielberg for the condition of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which I actually really liked so suck it. In an interview with the British mag Times Online, Lucas intimated that he was responsible for the well-received Indy films and that Spielberg and Harrison Ford were responsible for the less-positively received one (again, piss off, I loved it). Lucas also said that "Steven wasn't that enthusiastic" about the most recent flick and that the problem with another one is that "I'm in the future, Steven's in the past." A statement in direct opposition to his nostalgia for how the original films were made, and one that shows he still, after all these years, is completely oblivious to what makes his projects interesting in the first place. Moving into "the future" in a movie series about an adventurer in the 1940s and 50s is like making an undersea adventure set in Tuscon. With the latest Jones jaunt having made nearly three quarters of a billion dollars worldwide, pressure to do another one before Ford's depends have to be digitally removed will likely be overwhelming. Here's a thought, distract Lucas with a supposed public outcry for special editions of his prequel trilogy (who cares what he does to those things anyway) and urge him to find a new racial stereotype to parody in alien form while the talented folks make the next Indy movie. If that doesn't work, all we have left is to hope that the life-form that is his throat beard grows angry enough to kill him.
Why can't we let Alicia Keys just be mediocre at one thing?
One of the finest comic series I've ever read (and I read many...I'm not bragging, although I know it's impressive, I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't saying this after having read a "Peanuts" collection and several "Archie" books) is "Y: The Last Man." Touching, poignant, heartbreaking, and lots of other adjectives that should make you want to read it, "Y" is one of those transcendent pieces of fiction that really transports you to someplace else. Set in a world where all men but one have died in a giant plague, the comic follows Yorich Brown, a 20-something magician, as he searches for his girlfriend. Director DJ Caruso, who underwhelmed me with Disturbia but appears to be on track with Eagle Eye, is in charge of the movie adaptation, which will likely star his hetero life-partner Shia "No, I'm totally cool to drive" LaBeouf. Now comes word from movie blog UGO that the producer is considering Alicia Keys for the role of Agent 355, an idea that is second only to New Coke in terms of my disgust upon consumption. LaBeouf I can live with, but the thought of the Proactiv spokeswoman and middling R&B star taking on such a pivotal and nuanced role makes me more ill than the time I tried tofu candy. God forbid we find a black actress capable of the role, let's stick with singers. This could be the sort of special role that breaks a young black actress into the limelight, I'd hate to use it on Alicia freaking Keys.
posted by Ryan at
9:15 AM
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