Friday, August 8, 2008

Friday Free-For-All

Whaddya mean Christina Aguilera isn't gonna play Wonder Woman?

One of the first online-only writers that I ever gave any credence to was Moriarty over at Aintitcoolnews.com. First of all, he was named after the coolest bad guy not brandishing a laser-sword and talking from a speak and spell, and, second of all, he was (gasp) actually a good writer and pretty frakkin' intelligent. So yesterday, when the big M posted his thoughts on the BS-ness of recent casting rumors and other general spoilers, I had two thoughts: (A) Why would you shit on my Britney Spears as a stripper/murderer prayers and (B) Isn't this the same stuff that, you know, made Aintitcoolnews and all the other movie blog/spoiler sites famous? Sure, he notes at the end that "I’ve run plenty of preposterous rumors myself over the years, sometimes because I was bored and thought they were entertaining, sometimes because they felt like they might have some truth to them, and sometimes just because I wanted to see what the response was as a hypothetical." So what makes these different? I mean, other than giving me the equivalent of a casting sugar high all day, did anybody really believe that Britney and Tarantino were hooking up (I meant for a movie, but actually, let's start the rumor that those two are bumpin' uglies)? As far as his poo-pooing the Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin rumors, um, no duh. Again, anyone who seriously believed that a script is in development for a sequel to a movie that hasn't even been out a month yet likely has to budget extra time into their mornings for shoe tying and ensuring they get their pants started in the right direction.

However, what is missed in Moriarty's "buzzkilling" of those crazy rumors is two-fold: Fun and potential. Having a good laugh is important, and when the top sitcom in the US of A stars Charlie Sheen and Jon f'ing Cryer, laughs are hard to come by. Second, you don't think that ridiculous rumors are drummed up by agents/studios/actors/fans to get interest generated in the possibility? I hate the idea of the Penguin on screen again, but Hoffman could be the only guy who could pull it off. And try to tell me Depp isn't picture perfect for The Riddler. Maybe the frenzy will make said agent/actor/studio at least consider it. (Oh, and side-note, Nolan will do another Batman film and you know it, Moriarty. Warner Bros. will back up whatever size truck full of gold bricks, puppies, or hookers Nolan requests or, more realistically, will fund whatever vanity project about Victorian mimes he wants to make...by the way, I loved The Dark Knight, but this is the same director who made Insomnia, right? Just checking). Point is, sometimes these things are floated just to see what happens, so Moriarty's granting of permission to "laugh in the face" of anyone who believes these rumors is totally bugnuts and mean. Don't be mean.

I know this was kind of a weird rant, but blogging everyday and following said crazy rumors means I think a little more about their origins and veracity. I mean, I don't care if they're true, but I do think about it a little more.

Weekend Battle Plan - Ganja or Olympics? Why settle for just one?

In theatres - I know I dogged on Pineapple Express a little for its shift into hyperviolence. Some people, like Devin from Chud, think this was "brilliant" and potentially "subversive." This is incorrect. It's actually poorly done and represents a seriously awful and mindlessly nonentertaining climax to an otherwise hilarious film. Still, I think in hindsight I liked what was good more than I didn't like what was bad. What I'm saying is, if you're going to see a movie this week instead of supporting our young, brave amateur athletes as they quest for gold to represent your couch-sitting ass, you may as well see the movie about the pot-smoking duo running from the boss from Office Space. The ladies (especially the younguns) may like Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2, but I don't see why. There's nothing in those pants that hasn't been done before, except maybe Alexis Bliedel. Still, all joking aside, I like that movies targeted toward young women are being made that don't talk down to them. I wish they were better, but it's a start.

That's my recommendation: Pineapple Express unless you want to get your America Ferrera on.

On DVD: Well, Jon really loved The Counterfieters, a movie about a Jewish mafia guy forced to help Nazis make funny money in a prison camp, and your choices are that or Nim's Island, which features Jodie Foster in a kids movie. If this is a tough decision for you, I'm concerned.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Wow, I was way off last week. Like, way off. It makes me wonder about the value of doing this when I'm so, so wrong so, so often. Whatever, it ain't like you people pay for this.

1.) The Dark Knight - $25 million

Okay, so it's gonna be a tussle between Seth Rogen and Batman for number one...and I like Seth Rogen, but Batman's way more used to wrestling with dudes. Fact is, I think a lot of people who really wanted to see Pineapple Express saw it on Wednesday. That said, it will still be really close and I'm wrong a lot. So this is probably total crap. Oh well, I'm done-gonna ride this Batmobile 'til the wheels fall off.

2.) Pineapple Express - $24 million

Yeah, I meant really close. I really think that the bulk of the mainstream audience (meaning nonganja enthusiastic) will have a hard time with this one...but who knows, again, I'm bad at this. $24 million will push the total to over $50, which is pretty good for a movie with no stars that was cheaply made.

3.) Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 - $16 million

I can't see it doing better, but it won't be any worse. If it beats The Mummy 3, I'm going to laugh.

4.) The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - $14 million

Ha, ha! Jet Li is totally going to get beat up by girls. Seriously, this franchise sucks ass and needs to go far, far away.

5.) Mamma Mia! - 9 million

This tally will take it over the $100 million mark and establish it (shortly thereafter) as the biggest movie musical ever. It still has ABBA music and Pierce Brosnan singing, I'm just reminding you.
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