Quick clips for Tuesday August 19

To be fair, I also think Tyra Banks is a dude

As will be noted in the upcoming issue of The Reader, I made a boo-boo. That is to say, when editing Jon Tvrdik's review of Brideshead Revisited, which made me avoid the movie more intently than I avoid milk-flavored potato chips, I accidentally changed the gender of the author of the novel on which the film was based. Now, I haven't given performed many verbal gender operations before, but I'm told that people generally don't approve of them. Making this more embarrassing is the fact that I have not one, but two English literature degrees. Yes, that sound you hear is a former professor of mine weeping in her tea and crumpets. What sucks is, Jon didn't make the mistake, I did...but his name is on the review. As anyone who has had this happen will attest, that's the worst part of all. Jon knew it and actually tried to help me get it fixed prior to print, but the messenger pigeon I sent and the telegraph I issued never reached their destination (some 30 blocks away). Long story short (or shortish anyway): my bad. Evelyn Waugh had male sexual reproductive organs. Now we are totally clear.

I'm watchin' Watchmen or you'll be watchin' a whuppin'

So...after spending something reasonable like MOST OF MY ADULT LIFE waiting for a big screen adaptation of the best miniseries in comic book history (sorry Dark Knight Returns fans, you know I'm right), Zack Snyder finally makes his big-screen version and now comes word from The Hollywood Reporter that Fox is suing Warner Brothers over the rights. Now, I don't know much about fancy legal mumbo jumbo. Here's what I know: I will go circa-1980s-pre-Oscar-weird-looking-Madonna-married-Sean-Penn-on-paparazzi-beat-down on any Fox suit that attempts to derail my eyes viewing Watchmen in March of 2009. I'm not even willing to wait one day past the current release date. Seriously, I'm a dangerous man (just ask people standing too close when I'm attempting to fix something). This is actually a dangerous possibility (the film delay, not the impending whupping) because a judge has refused to throw the suit out. Is it technically bribery if I just make him read the graphic novel, because by then he's going to do whatever it takes to release it. Unless it's Judge Ito, we all know that dude was blind.

I'm going to be nice to Tom Cruise today

The cameo in Tropic Thunder bought everybody's favorite punchline a day of peace. The Hollywood Reporter is...(man, and I was doing so good) reporting that Tommy has optioned "Sleeper," a comic book about a spy who has some thingie that makes him impervious to pain (as opposed to Cruise's thingie, which has made him a pain magnet lately...wait, I'm supposed to be nice...). Sam Raimi is producing and Cruise will star in what is being seen as the opportunity for a new franchise, provided people are willing to be as nice to Thomas as I am today...is today over yet? Because I really want to make a joke about the "alien artifact" and the fact that the "exciting franchise possibility" is called "Sleeper." Wow, this is harder than I thought. Remind me not to make this my New Year's resolution, I wouldn't last until the last bowl game. Speaking of bowl game, have you seen Katie Holmes's new hair cut...what, I didn't say anything about laying off of Mrs. Xenu.