Quick clips for Wednesday August 27

In a slow news week, a press release about Burning Palms will get noticed

I normally wouldn't care about what Christopher Landon, who wrote Disturbia (which, I imagine, consisted of watching Rear Window while reading "Tiger Beat"), is doing with his time (unless he was saving dolphin babies or something). But here, in what has been the single slowest week of movie news in recent memory, word that he will be making his directorial debut with Burning Palms gets noticed...if for no other reason than the copious amounts of masturbatory jokes that can be made. Variety's description of the film is as follows: "What's described as a subversive tale interlaces five stories set in Los Angeles, where no taboo is left unexplored as each character careens toward a dark and often comic fate." Too...many...jokes. Here are a few:
This will set up the sequel: Going Blind.

1. Subversive in Los Angeles? Let me know when subversion hits Milwaukee.
2. Really, no taboo is left unexplored? I really look forward to the provocative scenes that involve tofu, lemurs, and someone's great aunt. No lie, if every taboo is explored, I'm guessing this film won't be released for human eyes.
3. Why is it that the things that happen in life are never both dark and comic. I don't remember the last time I was covered in blood and laughing.

Fine, let's get this documentary crap over with

The first stage of Oscar is already upon us, as The Academy (I love saying that, it sounds like a maniacal, handle-bar mustachioed group of evildoers from a 1950s Batman comic) mandates that the submissions for Best Short Documentary and Best Feature-Length Documentary be received by Tuesday, September 2nd. I would say that I have no idea why these films must be submitted so far before the other nominees, but I know both reasons (the real and the one that I like to believe. The first reason (the real one) is because they need to have ample time to ensure that the voting members actually watch the films (yes, apparently even professional filmmakers would rather see Disaster Movie than a good documentary). The second reason (the one I choose to believe) is because it takes extra time to make sure that you ignore the best documentaries and arbitrary rules help allow this to happen. Think I'm kidding, here's the stipulation for the docs: "To be eligible, docs must have completed a week-long commercial run in at least one theater in both Los Angeles County and Manhattan between Sept. 1, 2007 and Aug. 31, 2008. Besides the completed entry form, each entry should be accompanied by an English-language synopsis of the film, a list of film credits, filmographies of the director and/or producer(s), 25 DVD copies of the film and proof of a 7-day long run." Not mentioned in this official list of demands are the real qualifications: "In order to be nominated, your film need not be good so much as it must generate buzz. Consider using ex-presidential candidates, cute wobbly animals, or anything involving the Holocaust. Also, there's no assurance we're actually going to get through these things, so if you want to slip some cash in the DVDs, that couldn't hurt." Here's hoping that things go right this year, but if I had a giant magic 8 ball to shake, it would tell me "Not effing likely." My magic 8 ball is sassy.

I've always wanted more schnitzel in my "Office"

Thanks to Aintitcoolnews.com and Variety for pointing me to the weirdest news item of the day, at least for German Steve Carrell enthusiasts. There are tons of "Office" incarnations around the globe, but the most interesting may be "Stromberg." The German version is so popular that it is becoming an actual movie over there. Again, nobody here is trying to argue that any of this is newsworthy. However, it does give me the chance to post these: two clips from the show.

Now, the fun part: guessing what characters match up to our versions of the characters and trying to understand if the joke in the first clip was actually a Hitler joke. Plus, you can see where this version seems even more depressing and sad than our version...oh, and in the second clip, the girl on the right actually looks like Jenna Fisher. Yes, I'm bored. Yes, I ran a news clip of the German "Office." No, I don't care.