Friday Free-For-All
It only looks like I'm obsessed with the Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie
I bet I've spent more posts on this relatively newish blog discussing Sherlock Holmes than almost any other topic (besides myself, my wife, my nerdiness, the lack of comments from readers...man, this blog is narcissistic, I wonder if this is the only narcissistic blog...this side-thought is going on for a long time, I should probably get back to my point, what was my point again, oh something about Sherlock Holmes...I can't wait for Sherlock Holmes, I wonder if my wife is excited for Sherlock Holmes, I'm a total nerd for Sherlock Holmes...I wonder if anyone is reading my discussion of my love of Sherlock Holmes, my wife's potential love for Sherlock Holmes, and my nerdiness for Sherlock Holmes...I should digress...what's digress mean?) Anyhoo, there was that rumor that Russell Crowe was going to play Watson, which he isn't, then that he would play Morairty, which he might. Now comes word that the kick to Robert Downey Jr's side will be played by Jude Law, who is nowhere near fat enough to play the stereotypical version of Watson but is bald enough to play the drugged-out meth-head version Ritchie will probably require. Law was supposed to be a famous and beloved actor but turned out to be a douche with a receding hairline and modest talent. Here's hoping Downey can pimp slap the performance required out of Law, if not, my pimp hand's free and I've been working out.
Weekend Battle Plan: Samuel L Jackson continues to make movies that make Snakes on a Plane better
By now, there are so many "Sam Jackson will take any role" jokes that I don't have the energy to make any more. Oh, and they're not funny because the dude could have been a legendary and beloved actor and is now best known to me for having made The Man and that haircut from Jumper. Seriously, an intestinal parasite is more enjoyable than Lakeview Terrace...watching cute fuzzy animals get put in a wood chipper is less distressing than Lakeview Terrace. The director of Lakeview Terrace is Neil LaBute, which I cannot believe is true. He is best known as a brilliant and brutal playwright who explored the emotional savagery of men and women on the stage in many plays and on screen in The Shape of Things and (most impressively) In the Company of Men. I liked if not loved every single movie and play he had done...then came Wicker Man...you know what happens whenever I mention that film! We get to watch this:
If that doesn't get you laughing on a Friday. Anyway, following up Wicker Man with Lakeview Terrace is like following up shoplifting with mass murder. You make one mistake, you can be forgiven, but it's hard to forget all those bodies. So what should you see? Well, tough to say. If you're in the Omaha area, head to Film Streams to check out Man on Wire, which I haven't seen but am assured by Ben Coffman is tremendous. If you can only travel to the big corporate bad boys, Ghost Town should allow Ricky Gervais to make you laugh once or twice. That's the best you're going to do.
That's my recommendation: See Man on Wire at Film Streams or, if you have to, Ghost Town at the big-business theaters.
On DVD: We're trying something new in the next issue of The Reader and are going to spotlight a film that breezed through Omaha before hitting DVD. That film is Snow Angels. Not to tip my hand to my upcoming review but I strongly urge you to rent this only if you have incredible intestinal fortitude, this sucker is hard to watch. Plus, don't say I didn't warn you that awful, awful things happen. Okay, my actual recommendation is Speed Racer, which isn't great. It's good, but it isn't great. It's certainly not deserving of the dead-possum beating it received at the box office. It's goofy fun with car-fu, a hot Christina Ricci, and a freaking monkey. What else do you want? Epilepsy? No problem, we can do that.
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
I feel more pressure now that I've invented the Syrek Statistic Score(TM). Last week I was surprisingly decent and, as a reward, I now have to contend with four incredibly mediocre-to-outright-awful films. How can anyone accurately predict if people would rather watch Sam Jackson suck again or Kate Hudson's generically titled My Best Friend's Girl (we managed to go this far without even mentioning the jar of feces that is Dane Cook's latest). It's tough to say really, and I know that so many lives depend on the accuracy of these predictions that I can't fathom failure. You can't tell, but I'm cyber-crossing myself right now. Away we go.
Here's how I see it:
1.) Lakeview Terrace - $14.5 million
I hate that we encourage Sammy this way. Then again, I was one of the four people who saw The Man in the theater (good thing, or we would have had riots in the streets, as the movie did more to set back race relations than Orenthal). This isn't a success or a failure, it's the only movie opening in mid September with someone that people have seen before.
2.) Burn After Reading - $11 million
Hopefully, this continues to get good word of mouth and sees widespread success. There's two reasons why: (1) If it does well commercially, the Coen's get a bigger bankroll for their next film and (possibly) the opportunity to do something more commercial (Moriarty from Aintitcool.com wants to see them take on Superman, how cool would that be?) and (2) if it does well, maybe better movies get released in September. Just saying.
3.) My Best Friend's Girl - $10 million
This could sneak up to number two or even number one. It really should be either number one or number two because it is most reminiscent of a bathroom occurrence.
4.) Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys - $9 million
Thankfully, the marketing messiah only hits theaters and then quickly runs away, meaning I won't have to be typing or referring to Tyler Perry's this or Tyler Perry's that for much longer. Unless he wants to buy the blog. I have no problem with Tyler Perry's Cutting Room Floor if the money's right.
5.) Righteous Kill - $8 million
This was the toughest spot this week. Could be Igor, but I don't think enough parents even know it's coming out or what it is. Could be Ghost Town, but nobody knows Ricky Gervais. We'll go with the movie that has people that audiences have heard of. Seems like as good a bet as any. That said, if I lose mucho statistics, it will be on this pick.
Have a good weekend and remember, only you can prevent bad movies from doing good money.
I bet I've spent more posts on this relatively newish blog discussing Sherlock Holmes than almost any other topic (besides myself, my wife, my nerdiness, the lack of comments from readers...man, this blog is narcissistic, I wonder if this is the only narcissistic blog...this side-thought is going on for a long time, I should probably get back to my point, what was my point again, oh something about Sherlock Holmes...I can't wait for Sherlock Holmes, I wonder if my wife is excited for Sherlock Holmes, I'm a total nerd for Sherlock Holmes...I wonder if anyone is reading my discussion of my love of Sherlock Holmes, my wife's potential love for Sherlock Holmes, and my nerdiness for Sherlock Holmes...I should digress...what's digress mean?) Anyhoo, there was that rumor that Russell Crowe was going to play Watson, which he isn't, then that he would play Morairty, which he might. Now comes word that the kick to Robert Downey Jr's side will be played by Jude Law, who is nowhere near fat enough to play the stereotypical version of Watson but is bald enough to play the drugged-out meth-head version Ritchie will probably require. Law was supposed to be a famous and beloved actor but turned out to be a douche with a receding hairline and modest talent. Here's hoping Downey can pimp slap the performance required out of Law, if not, my pimp hand's free and I've been working out.
Weekend Battle Plan: Samuel L Jackson continues to make movies that make Snakes on a Plane better
By now, there are so many "Sam Jackson will take any role" jokes that I don't have the energy to make any more. Oh, and they're not funny because the dude could have been a legendary and beloved actor and is now best known to me for having made The Man and that haircut from Jumper. Seriously, an intestinal parasite is more enjoyable than Lakeview Terrace...watching cute fuzzy animals get put in a wood chipper is less distressing than Lakeview Terrace. The director of Lakeview Terrace is Neil LaBute, which I cannot believe is true. He is best known as a brilliant and brutal playwright who explored the emotional savagery of men and women on the stage in many plays and on screen in The Shape of Things and (most impressively) In the Company of Men. I liked if not loved every single movie and play he had done...then came Wicker Man...you know what happens whenever I mention that film! We get to watch this:
If that doesn't get you laughing on a Friday. Anyway, following up Wicker Man with Lakeview Terrace is like following up shoplifting with mass murder. You make one mistake, you can be forgiven, but it's hard to forget all those bodies. So what should you see? Well, tough to say. If you're in the Omaha area, head to Film Streams to check out Man on Wire, which I haven't seen but am assured by Ben Coffman is tremendous. If you can only travel to the big corporate bad boys, Ghost Town should allow Ricky Gervais to make you laugh once or twice. That's the best you're going to do.
That's my recommendation: See Man on Wire at Film Streams or, if you have to, Ghost Town at the big-business theaters.
On DVD: We're trying something new in the next issue of The Reader and are going to spotlight a film that breezed through Omaha before hitting DVD. That film is Snow Angels. Not to tip my hand to my upcoming review but I strongly urge you to rent this only if you have incredible intestinal fortitude, this sucker is hard to watch. Plus, don't say I didn't warn you that awful, awful things happen. Okay, my actual recommendation is Speed Racer, which isn't great. It's good, but it isn't great. It's certainly not deserving of the dead-possum beating it received at the box office. It's goofy fun with car-fu, a hot Christina Ricci, and a freaking monkey. What else do you want? Epilepsy? No problem, we can do that.
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
I feel more pressure now that I've invented the Syrek Statistic Score(TM). Last week I was surprisingly decent and, as a reward, I now have to contend with four incredibly mediocre-to-outright-awful films. How can anyone accurately predict if people would rather watch Sam Jackson suck again or Kate Hudson's generically titled My Best Friend's Girl (we managed to go this far without even mentioning the jar of feces that is Dane Cook's latest). It's tough to say really, and I know that so many lives depend on the accuracy of these predictions that I can't fathom failure. You can't tell, but I'm cyber-crossing myself right now. Away we go.
Here's how I see it:
1.) Lakeview Terrace - $14.5 million
I hate that we encourage Sammy this way. Then again, I was one of the four people who saw The Man in the theater (good thing, or we would have had riots in the streets, as the movie did more to set back race relations than Orenthal). This isn't a success or a failure, it's the only movie opening in mid September with someone that people have seen before.
2.) Burn After Reading - $11 million
Hopefully, this continues to get good word of mouth and sees widespread success. There's two reasons why: (1) If it does well commercially, the Coen's get a bigger bankroll for their next film and (possibly) the opportunity to do something more commercial (Moriarty from Aintitcool.com wants to see them take on Superman, how cool would that be?) and (2) if it does well, maybe better movies get released in September. Just saying.
3.) My Best Friend's Girl - $10 million
This could sneak up to number two or even number one. It really should be either number one or number two because it is most reminiscent of a bathroom occurrence.
4.) Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys - $9 million
Thankfully, the marketing messiah only hits theaters and then quickly runs away, meaning I won't have to be typing or referring to Tyler Perry's this or Tyler Perry's that for much longer. Unless he wants to buy the blog. I have no problem with Tyler Perry's Cutting Room Floor if the money's right.
5.) Righteous Kill - $8 million
This was the toughest spot this week. Could be Igor, but I don't think enough parents even know it's coming out or what it is. Could be Ghost Town, but nobody knows Ricky Gervais. We'll go with the movie that has people that audiences have heard of. Seems like as good a bet as any. That said, if I lose mucho statistics, it will be on this pick.
Have a good weekend and remember, only you can prevent bad movies from doing good money.
posted by Ryan at
8:38 AM
2 Comments:
I too would prefer to see fuzzy animals put into a chipper than watch Lakeview Terrance. I might even prefer The Lake House to Lakeview Terrance. That does not speak highly of my taste. Good blog.
Hey, I might watch Lakeview terrace for 14.5 million. That is what you mean by those number right? I mean,think I would consider Burn After Reading without even requiring payment. I personally think My Best Friends Girl for 8 is a steal. Heck, I usually have to pay that to spend an evening with my roommate's lady friend.
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