Friday Free-For-All

FYI, the core audience for Lethal Weapon 5 has died of old age...

As the headline for this little blurb suggests, one anti-Semitic hate-and-booze-cocktail from a certain so-under-the-radar-that-Dick-Cheney-looks-high-profile star isn't enough to kill a franchise that wasn't killed by Joe Pesci doing a drunken impression of himself. Shane Black, the object of praise from me earlier in the week, is still interested in getting Mr. Gibson back for Lethal Weapon 5, according to Entertainment Weekly. You'll notice no one is worried about signing Danny Glover. Black's story outline sees two new detectives added to the fold, but that's all that's known about the plot. For those who don't remember, Lethal Weapon 1 and 2 were excellent buddy-cop-comedy-noir films and Lethal Weapon 3 and 4 are the reason God invented opium. To see Black return the series to its once dignified place would be great, and, really, I don't see what the holdup is. Gibson can't exactly be demanding high dollar figures and desperately needs a hit, Black wants to return his idea to the land of the cool (far from the world of suck), and producer Joel Silver just made Speed Racer and, thus, is more desperate for a win than any sports franchise I support. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole thing, but Black has earned a chance to fix the mess that was made of Riggs and Murtaugh. Bonus points if he reveals Murtaugh was gay the whole time.

Weekend Battle Plan: If you don't see Eagle Eye, the terrorists (meaning the makers of Nights in Rodanthe) win

This should probably be an in-depth discussion of how much I love Chuck Palahniuk's novels, despite their inherent sick-and-twisted unremorseful depravity, but I can't advocate that you go see Choke. Not because its bad but because I want Eagle Eye to make all of the money...not because I love The Boof that much, but because I want big studio releases in September. Now some of you are probably saying "But Ryan you jackass, that's when indie films have a chance to shine and quality Oscar films emerge." First of all, the jackass thing hurts, no matter how true it is, and second, you couldn't be more wrong. Oscar films don't come out until November or later in most cases and Indie films benefit from one or two big budget films in the theater because it works as counter programming and keeps people in the habit of going to the movies. The original idea behind the September-is-a-wasteland theory was TV shows returning, but with the advent of DVR and TiVO, we can watch that stuff whenever we want without having to master the Rubik's Cube of technology that was the VCR programmer. Long, long story short, if Eagle Eye does money, it will convince studios to release bigger and better movies in the fall (basically what 300 did for the month of March). So, no matter how much your Danielle-Steele-lovin' ass wants to go see Nights in Rodanthe, don't do it.

That's my recommendation: Go see Eagle Eye. Twice if you still have the disposable income after the great collapse of aught eight.

On DVD: Well, if you have the time, I highly recommend you rent the entire first season of "Pushing Daises." Maybe my favorite all-around new show of the last few years (next to "30 Rock"), and I'm scared to death it will be cancelled. There aren't many episodes in the set because of the accursed writer's strike, but what's there is so tasty you can't handle much more without your tummy exploding. If you want a movie, Leatherheads is non-offensive if you can handle the sight of Renee Zellweger.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

While not batting 1,000 or even that high over the Mendoza line, my analysis is a good enough defense to warrant me staying on at shortstop...wow, that metaphor got away from me so fast, I wrote it and I don't even understand it. At any rate, it's The Boof's world, we all just live in it. The only question is, how much box office power does the punk pack? Smart money is playing a little conservative on The Boof, but I know better. The dude's got mojo AND funk, and funky mojo will take you farther than you ever dreamed. I think I missed my life's calling writing taglines for fictional movies.

Here's how I see it:

1.) Eagle Eye - $34 million

This is high. I know it is, but all of the positive-thought calenders tell me that if I dream it, I can achieve it. I think the number may be just below the $30 million mark, but I'm hoping my sheer energy will drive it north of that mark. Help me make this a reality! Seriously, after all I've done for you, it's the least you can do.

2.) Nights in Rodanthe - $13 million

I know women who still think Richard Gere is attractive despite the fact that he now looks like a grandmother in men's clothes. To call Nicholas Spark a hack is an insult to saws and berrys. This is the movie to avoid this weekend like the plague or an ex.

3.) Lakeview Terrace - $7 million

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night and we discussed what Sam Jackson's next role should be. I settled on an incredibly effeminate gay man or transsexual. My friend said he didn't care so long as he didn't scream and yell the whole time.

4.) Burn After Reading - $6 million

This flick will finish north of about $60 million, which is almost double its meager budget and will have big life on DVD. Nice to see the good guys win every once and awhile.

5.) Miracle at St Anna - $5 million

This has a chance at fourth, but the run time is THREE HOURS and the reviews are lukewarm. For three hours, you'd better have reviews that tell me that watching it gives me superpowers.