Quick clips for Monday September 15

Weekend Box Office Results: Whaddya mean people chose the good movie?

Talk about the craziest thing to ever happen on a given weekend...apparently, people went in droves to see the best film that came out this weekend. I know, I'm shocked too. I know that Clooney and Pitt are a draw (men want to be them, women want them, and some men want them), but I have to think that this is also due to (A) people actually paying attention to the Coen Brothers for a change and (B) my recommendations. I think it most heavily rests on the latter, but that's just my Monday cup of coffee talking (I'm serious, it's talking...help me).

Okay, we're going to do this differently. Thanks to the overwhelming response I received from people helping to pick how I'm going to measure my box office predictions (and by overwhelming response I mean the aforementioned cup of coffee and the hum of my office fan)! I'm going to go ahead and decide how to measure this and here's what I came up with. I will subtract one point from 5 for every rank I was off for the film (I said it would be first, it was second, that's 5-1 = 4) and divide that by 5 (0.8 in this example) to get my first stat (which is the correctness...okay, the incorrectness of ranking). The second stat is easier. I will divide what I projected the film would make by what it did make (I said $15.5 million, it did $16 million, the total is .96875). If I go over, I will still divide by the actual total and then subtract 2 (for example, I say $25 million, it does $16 million, that's 1.5625, subtract 2 and ignore the negative and I get 0.4375). I'll then average the two numbers to give my total accuracy for the individual film and then take an average of all films for my total. If I don't include a movie in my top 5 that is in the top five, I will automatically lose 20% off my total average. This is complicated, but none of you helped so don't complain.

Here are the results:

1.) Burn After Reading - $19.5 million (Accuracy of prediction: 61%)

Holy crap! Being wrong never felt so good. It is so refreshing that people flocked to this one, making it a runaway hit. That never happens for good movies, it only happens for lame-ass sequels and movies that rerun in perpetuity on USA. Nice work, America! Take the week off of work. I'm being told that I don't have the authority to declare that you can take the week off, but I won't tell if you don't.

2.) Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction: 84.4%)

I make a lot of fun of Tyler Perry's name branding but good Lord are his fans loyal. It doesn't matter the plot, the stars, the time of year the film is released, people are GOING to go see his films opening weekend. If he continues to keep his costs at around $30 million, dude is going to one day have enough money to own us all. I will then be known as Tyler Perry's Ryan Syrek.

3.) Righteous Kill - $16.5 million (Accuracy of prediction: 79.4%)

This may not be the huge hit it would have been back when Pacino and DeNiro were famous. Still, this isn't a terrible opening and it will do huge money on DVD, where people like my dad will rent it. Then it will go to TNT, where it will run in between those awful Morgan Freeman serial killer movies and "Law and Order." If that isn't a lasting work of art, I don't know what is.

4.) The Women - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction: 95.5%)

Can I call the reaction to a mediocre Meg Ryan movie or what?! It is a little sad to see such talented women fall so flat...but then again, that's a pretty common occurrence in Hollywood these days. Can't anyone write for women? Women maybe? I'm just saying, if you make a movie women love, you get Mamma Mia, if you don't, welcome to fourth place.

5.) The House Bunny - 4.3 million (Accuracy of prediction: 0%)

Are you kidding me? I still don't understand how this happens. Anyway, this may end up reversing after the actuals are tallied and Tropic Thunder may come in at 5th AND have the total I predicted. If not, screw Anna Farris.

Overall accuracy this week: 64%

This could go up if Tropic Thunder gets added in. If it doesn't, not a stellar week to debut my statistics. Unhappy Monday to me.

It's already better than Ethan Almighty

Darren Aronofsky, who (if you haven't paid attention) is my directorial man crush, is getting critical kissyfaces for his current film The Wrestler (which he deserves after The Fountain wasn't hailed as the genius it was) and is set to have huge box office with his "reimagining" (which is currently the most popular Hollywood buzz word that doesn't have to do with STDs) of Robocop. This is good because it may pave the way for him to film the movie he's been jonesing to do: A biblical epic about Noah's ark. Say what now? Aronofsky recently spoke to Peter Sciretta in Toronto and said "It's the end of the world and it's the second most famous ship after the Titanic, so I'm not sure why any studio won't want to make it." I'll go a step further, Darren my boy, you have a built in Christian audience (they made the crappy Lion-Jesus movie a huge hit...although they couldn't make the River-Jesus sequel work), you have the "disaster movie factor" (forget about Poseidon), and I'm willing to argue that the ark can edge the Titanic in terms of worldwide recognition. I've never been excited for a biblical epic before, but a 100% Heston-free Old Testament movie sounds kick ass, if the guy doing it also did a movie about drug use and featured a terrifying final sequence that involved sex toys. Why wouldn't he be perfect for this job?!

This is just an excuse for me to talk about how excited I am that I am excited again for a Kevin Smith movie

You have to understand that, back in the day (a phrase I am now legally old enough to use), I looooooved me some Kevin Smith. Not that I don't now, it's just been awhile since I was truly thrilled by something he did. His last 4 or 5 films were okay-to-below average. Still, Chasing Amy is one of my favorite films ever and he's the only director whose autographed poster is on my wall (yes, for Mallrats, which I loved...see how much I loved him). That's why the buzz and advance praise for Zack and Miri Make a Porno is warming my heart. I want Kevin Smith to succeed. I need Kevin Smith to succeed. This is a man who my wife bravely asked a question to at a comic convention, a man who half-mocked my wife in a huge crowd of people and FURTHER ENDEARED himself to us at that point. That said, here's the new poster for the movie, a poster that further makes me think good and funny things are on the way: