Quick clips for Monday October 20

Rogen insists face-punching is funny

For anyone who has any passing familiarity with The Green Hornet (just me then? okay), the fact that Seth Rogen has decided to comedy-it-up a bit can't be particularly surprising. First off, the director (Stephen Chow) is known for his slapstick style (most notably putting the eff and you in Kung Fu Hustle) and, second, The Green Hornet is one make-out session away from closeted gay porn and one realization that having an "Asian sidekick/manservant" may constitute slavery away from a civil suit. So it is actually refreshing that Rogen isn't intent on Dark Knight-ing his script, as he tells Devin over at Chud.com that things have changed in his plans. No longer is he intending on making a serious adaptation, Rogen will work in the same village he lives in: funny town. For as much as everyone is talking about the recent Bat flick, we've seen good serious/dark adaptations before but, unless I'm forgetting something, we have yet to see a successful superhero comedy. Hancock doesn't count because I meant successful in terms of making me laugh and because at the end it went all "doo-doo-doo" and got serious for no reason, sucking whatever oxygen remained in the plastic bag it put over its own head. Anyhoo, you know I'm down for whatevs when it comes to Seniors Rogen and Chow, but this struck me as a good tonal change.

When will Americans realize how lucky they are to have Elizabeth Banks?

A strikingly beautiful and funny girl comes along once, maybe twice a century in Hollywood. So desperate are we to find one that we dub some funny girls beautiful (Tina Fey, Sarah Silverman) when they are merely cute and dub beautiful girls funny (Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz) because they can read lines off of cue cards decently. So when Elizabeth Banks strolls along, tossing out great comedic performances like it was her job (which it is) and looking like a frat-boy's wet dream (which she is), why is it that she's not both uber-famous and given the fatty fat fat paychecks she deserves? My only conclusion: President Bush doesn't care about...wait, can't blame him for this one...wow, I have no idea who to point fingers at in his absence, the next decade's gonna be rough. I bring this all up because (A) it's a slow news day, (B) Zack and Miri Make a Porno is upon on shortly, (C) Chud.com did a great piece about how Banks may not return to the thankless, awful, underwritten role of Betty Brant in the Spiderman series (despite being a relevant character), and (D) in W. Banks was woefully underused...AGAIN. I'm not saying that we should short-list her for the Nobel, I'm just saying there's no reason on this earth why she isn't atop every "hot and funny gals of Hollywood" list. Seriously, can we fix this before I have to start getting angry?

Weekend Box Office Results: If I could find a pile of poo big enough, I would rub all of America's nose in it

By this point in my life, I am sure of but four facts: (1) The Chicago Bears will cause my death through heart failure before it's all said and done, (2) the banana cream pie blizzard from Dairy Queen is the culmination of man's culinary accomplishments, (3) you freakin' people love your talking dog shite, and (4) I will never, ever, ever get all 5 movies in my predictions right. Ever. I've decided not to let this depress me, at least that's what these pills tell me. Oh well, I do plenty of other things well...I just can't think of what those things are right now.

Here are the results:

1.) Max Payne - $18 Million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

Lost in the Sarah Palin shuffle on "SNL" was Mark Wahlberg's great redemption. It now becomes obvious that his apparent Jew-hating comments about breaking Andy Samberg's nose on "Jimmy Kimmel" were a part of his already existing plan to go on "SNL" that weekend and do what Palin should have, skewer himself a bit, making him seem personable and cool. So, even though his movie sucks rotten eggs through a straw, you enjoy this win Marky Mark!

2.) The Godforsaken Talking Mexican Dog Movie - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

I have no words. Make it stop. Please, please make it stop.

3.) The Secret Life of Bees - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 72%)

Justin Senkbile's upcoming review of this movie excellently described this as (I'm paraphrasing) a nice movie for nice people who want to feel nice. That's a statement so perfect I only wish I had written it. Nice job all around.

4.) W. - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 71%)

When it's all said and done, this is a movie that will have a longer legacy than the man in office. Look for more on this one...a lot more. Oh, and see it.

5.) Eagle Eye - $7.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

Wow, just, wow. I can't believe how well this film is holding up. It's weekend-to-weekend declines have been 39%, 38%, and 32%. That's unheard of for a big-budget blockbuster type film. It's well on its way to the $100 million club, which is impressive for this time of year and proves that it's The Boof's world, we're just livin' in it.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 66%

I'm either going to have to get better at this, invent a new formula that makes me look more successful, or quit. Something's gotta give people.