Quick clips for Tuesday October 14

If I could sing falsetto, I would

Spill your forty, tip your cap the next time you see a crappy romantic comedy, and cover your heart at Batman movie posters, we're saying good-bye to a friend today...wow, that really sounds like someone died. He didn't. Jonathon Tvrdik just shuffled from this mortal review coil, not, you know, the earthly one. After many years, hundreds of reviews, and a wonderful working experience, Jon has decided to blow this Popsicle stand that is the film section at The Reader for greener writing pastures (ones that involve cooler stuff than pontificating about the sanity of those who would voluntarily see, oh I don't know, Beverly Hills Chihuahua...more on that later). Jon was the critic equivalent of the kid from the Life commercials who would eat anything, willing to see any wretched, awful, horrible film he was asked to see, even if there was a chance of murderous rage afterwards. I know it sounds like I'm recalling a buddy from the war but, let me just say this, he has walked where few men have dared to tread (namely, into the theater to review things like Wicker Man). Uh, oh, Wicker Man reference, you know what that means:



Now you'll never watch that without a tear in your eye. Jon is a great guy and a dedicated movie lover, and while it will be tough to replace him, I know he's got great things ahead of him. So take heart in knowing that you received the second memorial in this blog's history (after Paul Newman). That's something to tell your kids about. Best of luck, kid, you won't need it.

Hustle out; "Real Deadle" Cheadle is in!

In what is fast becoming a weekly installment of Iron Man 2 watch (our coverage needs a cooler name like "Iron watch" or "Steel staring" or something that isn't horribly lame), Chud.com is reporting that Terrance Howard wanted too much cash for a return appearance as James Rhodes, so he's being replaced by Don "The Real Deadle" Cheadle. Two thoughts: (1) In what world is The Real Deadle cheaper than Terrance Howard? If I showed my mom a picture of the two, she'd point to The Real Deadle and say "didn't he win an Oscar" (which he didn't but, you know, she prefers him); (2) this means that Howard got to play the boring, exposition-guy James Rhodes and not the armored-up, butt-kicking alter-ego War Machine. That's like signing up to play Robin Hood and getting told you'll get to explore his time spent making arrows. Yucky. It should be pointed out that this is really good casting and I'm totally cool with it, no matter how or why it happened. The acting talent in this movie just keeps going up (it's not like they replaced Howard with Heavy D or something). If they hammer out an intelligent script, my feeling is this could be one of the greatest super flicks ever. Of course, if they poo it out, we're looking at X-Men 3 with higher-caliber actors (sorry Patrick Stewart...and Hugh Jackman...but not you Halle Berry).

Weekend Box Office Results: Look what you did. LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

I don't so much care that my predictions are more off-base than John McCain's assertion that he's got Barack Obama right where he wants them (because what politician doesn't want to trail double digits three weeks before the election), I care that we're going to get another 10 years of talking Chihuahua movies. Seriously, what sick bastards are taking their kids and themselves to this? There's no way this is passable, it has to feel like passing a stone for two hours. Why? WHY GOD? WHY?

Here are the results:

1.) Beverly Hills Chihuahua - $17.5 million (Accuracy of Prediction - 89%)

I can't believe you'd do this...on purpose...again?! I mean, what the heck is wrong with this world? Your 401K is now worth a box of Kleenex and a ho-ho and you decide to shell out 10 bucks on this? AGAIN?! Word of mouth can't be positive? Can it? Seriously, this teaches me that I need to start writing a script for a kids movie fast, because apparently it just has to exist to make money.

2.) Quarantine - $14 million (Accuracy of Prediction - 70%)

This makes more sense to me. It's Halloween time and who doesn't love zombies? All joking aside, this does bode well for the future of flesh-eating projects. And who doesn't want more brain consumption on screen?

3.) Body of Lies - $13 million (Accuracy of Prediction - 55%)

Ouch. Another flop for Crowe, a first flop in a while for DiCaprio, and a big NO THANKS to ANOTHER Middle Eastern terror flick. I guess we're just not ready for these, even if they are good (which this one was by the way). I wonder what this means for the future of projects in the pipeline? I guess they take a backseat to talking effing dog movies.

4.) Eagle Eye - $11 million (Accuracy of Prediction - 86%)

Good for The Boof, this one looks to have better legs than previously thought (maybe those legs belong to Michelle Monaghan...mmmmm). If this keeps up, it could be the most impressive total for The Boof (clearly not the biggest, but the biggest that isn't a summer blockbuster).

5.) Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - $6 million (Accuracy of Prediction - 0%)

One day, I'll get all 5 right, you just watch. Someone told me this was like Say Anything. That person probably never saw Say Anything, although there is something Cusackian about Michael Cera. Hmmm....

Overall Accuracy of Prediction - 60%

Barely passing this week. Ugh. One of these days, I swear. ONE OF THESE DAYS!!!!!