Quick Clips for Tuesday October 21

Sometimes un-news is the best news

"Lost" probably won't be a movie. According to Joblo.com, Damon Lindelof basically said, "We don't feel like stringing you along for 6 years and then charging you for answers" or what is now known as "Soprano-ing" or "giving the ole Sex and the City." I know, I know, I wait all day to give you an update and this is what you get, non-news, an un-conceived project, a never-will-happen. Well, here's your news flash: I've never been happier about something not happening (other than that one time the "burnin' downstairs" didn't lead to anything permanent). "Lost" really regained its footing this last season, and, having watched all of "Alias" again in the last 6 months (don't judge me, I don't come to where you watch "Two and a Half Men" or the frakkin' Chihuahua movie and rub your face in it...I mean, I want to, but I don't), I feel confident in the ability of JJ Abrams and company to deliver a conclusion worthy of all the hyperboles I've managed to generate for the last four years. I'm trying my hardest not to get all hot and bothered about the fact that the premiere of Season 5 is only 3 months away and I'm really happy that Lindelof seems to be indicating that I won't be investing my time in something that won't satisfy me at the end (wow, two jokes are fighting for this spot: (1) "I've always said television is the most worthwhile endeavor a human can participate in that doesn't involve buying me something" and (2) "investing my time in something that won't satisfy me in the end...can I get a what-what from the sexually frustrated women in the crowd?!).

Non-news part deux

When offered a juicy role like that of, say, a giant hulking Norse God, you usually consider the offer. That is, unless you're already James effing Bond. According to IESB.com, Daniel Craig was given a shot at Thor, but he turned them down cold. I imagine it went like this:

Marvel: Hey there, pretty pretty. You want to dance?
Daniel Craig: Um, are you talking to me?
Marvel: Come on, Sugar, you'd look great shirtless and wearing a helmet with feathery wings on it.
Daniel Craig: Are you serious right now?
Marvel: Oh, now, don'tchu be playin' with our hearts, you know you want to get your Norse on, swinging that big ole hammer around.
Daniel Craig: Are you guys high or something, because I'm already rich. Like crazy rich. And I'm a cultural icon.
Marvel: Please?
Daniel Craig: Check with Fabio, I think he's free.

The good news is, although this would actually have been good casting, it's the type of role that I could see many different people playing. Plus, with Kenneth Branagh at the helm, we're likely to get something crazy, so I want someone a little more off than Danny. Not that I spend a lot of time dreaming of Thor...but I do.

We finally get a comic book set in the midwest, and it has mutant freaks in it

The Hollywood Reporter broke the news that David Gordon Green, who depressed the shit out of me with Snow Angels and confused the shit out of me with Pineapple Express, will direct Freaks of the Heartland, which is a comic book about mutated freakshows in the middle of America. It's actually a quasi-horror, thriller, social commentary about a kid who tries to save the mutated freakshows, but it sounds totally weird. I only mention because (A) you really don't see a lot of movies set in the middle of America even though it would be super easy to shoot there and (B) it's called Freaks of the Heartland and I found that title really intriguing. I said intriguing, not appealing. See, Green is a conundrum to me: I loved/hated both of his films in different ways: Snow Angels probed such dark crevasses that it should have a proctology license and Pineapple Express was funny and engaging until it got sick and violent. Chances are, I'll like his latest film until the ending, when the freaks suddenly start singing show tunes or something weird...okay, something weirder.