Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Quick clips for Wednesday October 15

I'm just saying, that bear with the bow tie had death in his eyes for years

It was refreshing to discover via Forgetting Sarah Marshall that I am not the only one with a sick need for more muppets. My first memory (no lie) is of Kermit singing about his green-ness (far before Al Gore), I make at least 1-2 muppet-themed jokes a week, and I will watch anything, I mean anything, with fuzzy taking things with hands inside of them...that really did not sound like I wanted it to. So it is with great pleasure that I report what Variety reports, that Jim Henson Company is developing Happytime Murders, possibly the first ever "puppet noir" film. The film will use the traditional people and puppets method, whereby humans inexplicably interact with talking socks as though they were people, which means Charles Grodin may just get another paycheck. Now, the way in which "murders" will be worked in is a bit confusing, and where this leaves the Jason Segal (he of exposed schlong from the aforementioned Sarah Marshall) muppet movie is uncertain. I assume these projects can peacefully coexist, but this homicide-based script doesn't exactly sing of direct-to-video kiddie fare. So chances are this one is going to get on the big screen, which is welcome news to us muppetophiles (why does everything with "ophile" on it now sound dirty? Thanks for nothing perverts.) All I know is that a world where I get to see Kermit the frog wearing a fedora and doing his best Bogart is a world that just got a little brighter.

Who would have thought that Charlie Sheen would have better things to do?

Wall Street was a film that just never did it for me. I mean, maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was just a wee pup when the nose-candy consuming, stock market plundering Wall Street Warrior was on the rise. That, or I always just found Charlie Sheen freaking annoying. Seriously, anybody else notice that he seems to project his voice from such a nasal place it may actually emerge from behind his eyes? Anyway, Fox has greenlit a sequel to that 21-year-old movie, titled Money Never Sleeps, which follows Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko 20 years after he went to jail. I'm hoping for Catherine Zeta-Jones's sake that much time isn't spent following her hubbie inside a prison cell (with double chins like that, you know he'd be popular). Rumor has it that Sheen is out (he's on a TV show that people watch for no discernible reason) and Douglas is circling the role but hasn't landed yet (allegedly because he wants to see the final rewrite but, come on, what was the last Douglas movie you saw in the theater). Allegedly, the greenlighting was based on the economic circumstances that have seen the Dow Jones have an epileptic seizure. Isn't it encouraging to know that, in the darkest hour of the dollar, someone will still get rich? No? It isn't? What are you doing on that ledge? It's just a movie?! Get down from the ledge!!! DAMN YOU MICHAEL DOUGLAS!!!!

Cameron Crowe hates me

I just caught part of Jerry Maguire with my wife this last weekend. I don't know that there's been a film in the last 20 years that has more moments that are still used as touchstone phrases or references. Beyond "show me the money" (which isn't even the funniest line in that scene, it pales in comparison to Tom Cruise yelling "I love the black man"), you have "you complete me" and "you had me at hello," you have the infamous "who's coming with me" Tom Cruise meltdown, and many others. I mention this because I love writer/director Cameron Crowe. Almost Famous would likely find a home in my all-time top 10, Say Anything is definitely there, Vanilla Sky is woefully underrated, Singles is a definitive romantic comedy of the 90s era...and then there's Elizabethtown, which is maybe the worst movie I've seen starring Orlando Bloom, which is a barometer that should never be used. So imagine my surprise when the details of Crowe's secretive new Ben Stiller/Reese Witherspoon project leaked and it was revealed that it follows a disgraced weapons consultant who wants to launch a spy satellite in Hawaii to defend against China, only to find that the islanders won't agree unless he tosses a sacrifice into a flaming volcano. Sayhuhbuwhat? Crowe's redemption movie is treading the same waters as Joe Versus the Volcano? I'm so lost. This doesn't fit into what Crowe does best, the self-reflective "real" movie, and sounds flat-out crazy. Now, since the guy has far more hits than misses, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm hoping this isn't the worst Ben Stiller movie I've ever seen because that dude was in Night at the Museum.
Custom Search

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home