Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Quick clips for Wednesday October 22

Because nothing is more terrifying than remakes


Happy Halloween bloggites! I've neglected the month of murder and mayhem far too long, so let's bring up the moderately interesting, slightly intriguing horror movie news. For your frightening pleasure, Variety submits the following: RKO (the company best known for housing Orson Wells...and what a big house it was...OH, ZING!) is going to see four of its horror films remade...by the dudes who produced Saw. Wow, I've often said the rightful owners of the heritage of Orson Wells were the guys who shepherded the "cut your nuts off with a hatchet or die" genre. The remakes include I Walked with a Zombie (which is not the biography of Mary Kate's last boyfriend), The Body Snatcher (which is not to be confused with either The Body Snatchers or my nickname in high school...OH, ZING!), Bedlam (which is not a story of a sheep's sleeping place), and Five Came Back (which is not a thrilling tale of a man who paid for a 15 dollar item with a 20). Now, the good news is most of these aren't household-known right now, although one starred Bela Lugosi and one starred Lucielle Ball, which means the subsequent casting of Zach Braff and Sarah Michelle Gellar is going to feel like a slap in the naughty parts. Still, hooooooray for horror movies! This is why they don't get covered much.

A post in which I defend The Incredible Hulk

MTV.com has an interview with Marvel headman Kevin Feige that will be the basis of this post and the next one (hey, in this economic crisis, I'm gonna 2-for-1 it whenever I can). First off, he justifies the Incredible Hulk reboot/"pay no attention to Eric Bana" endeavor by noting that it made like a dollar fifty more than the previous installment before proceeding to suggest that the next time we see tall, green, and angry may not be in his own movie. This is just a tangential confirmation of what we nerds have suspected forever, that he'll be the villain in the upcoming Avengers movie. This makes such a surprising degree of sense that I'm shocked it's being considered, giving audiences a solid and familiar opponent without having to introduce him. Plus, it's a whole lot more interesting than whatever "we're going to take over the world" shenanigans would have been proposed instead. Now, this doesn't mean we're not going to see another stand-alone Hulk movie...but maybe we shouldn't. I said this would be a post defending the latest film, and it is, but that doesn't mean I want more. See, the Hulk is a good character, but a boring one on screen. It took me a long time to figure out why, because you'd figure giant smashing explosions would be fascinating or at least watchable. The problem is, he's so incredibly simplistic as a creature that the only way he's really interesting in the comics is as a supporting player in his own book. The Incredible Hulk was as perfect a Hulk movie as you are ever going to see. It captured every single aspect of the character, every one, that could be displayed on screen (without going into the weird stuff from the comics like him turning into a mafia boss, which was awesome). It was exciting, stupid, and fun. Now we've been there and done that, meaning we don't need to go back. Use him as a supporting player in other movies and we'll have our fill. Much like vegetables, this is a green we need in smaller portions.


I'm not sure what a Hoary Host of Hoggarath actually is, but we're gonna find out

Seriously, is that not the coolest exclamation a comic book character has ever spewed. Forget "Up, up, and away" and give me "By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggarath." Anyway, I bring this up because that same MTV interview suggested that Marvel is going to bring Dr. Strange to the big screen in 2012. For those who don't know, Strange was a surgeon whose hands get all dinged up because of his douchebaggery before he finds a weird old dude who teaches him to become a crazy sorcerer. Cool, huh? He fights all sorts of crazy demon dudes like Dormammu, who looks like he's wearing a flaming bag on his head, and other weird monster things. It's basically a special effects wet dream with some measure of character thrown in. Oh, and he has an Asian sidekick named Wong. They're going to have to fix that up a bit. No mention of a specific plot, but I'm guessing we'll get the standard really long origin story that involves just a bit of coolness at the end, although I'm always waiting for someone to just drop us into the action and give us a super quick origin story. I mean seriously, it's not like some crazy complicated tale here. Douchebag becomes magician. There, I can cover it in one title card. It will be nice to see some of the magical Marvel elements up on screen, paving the way for Fing Fang Foom's on-screen appearance...finally! I mean, Fing Fang Foom Fans are getting restless. Yes, I brought that up just to use Fing Fang Foom Fans.

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