Quick clips for Wednesday October 29
Finally, an actor who wants to sing
As the age-old human fallacy dictates, smart people want to be athletic, good looking people want to be smart, pro football players want to be basketball players (or ballroom dancers), and actors want to be musicians. Meanwhile, the guy in the back who smells like rancid feet and has an IQ that hovers around "should I put this in that electrical socket" will take anything. I mention this because Joaquin Pheonix, whose creepy demeanor should have prohibited his fame in the first place, has stated that he is "retiring" from acting to pursue his music career. Granted, his vocal stylings in Walk The Line weren't exactly Brosnian in their terribleness, they were quite good in fact. But hitting a jump shot in a pickup game doesn't mean you can drain threes with a 6' 8" guard in your face. This will likely be one of those cases where he puts out an album that flops (see: Scarlett Johannsson, Hayden Panitierre, Kevin Bacon, Bruce Willis, etc, etc) and then returns to acting by taking the first paycheck thrown at him. I rate the length of this "retirement" somewhere between Farve-ian and Jordan-ian (Ha! Jordanian refers to people from the country of Jordan! Isn't that a funny thing I just did there? No? Okay, still early in the morning.)
Relax, the man inside the can has a plan
I look forward to the Avengers movie (the one with Captain America, not the one with that British chick everybody horned over in the 60s) with a fever unparalleled since the last thing I looked forward to. So it's good news that the thing we all assumed, that Robert Downey Jr would be playing Iron Man in that film, has been confirmed. Moreover, Don "The Real Deadle" Cheadle is also going to show up in The Avengers as War Machine (despite having Dick Cheney's nickname, he's actually a good guy). Whether or not this is a cameo, it's interesting to hear that, reportedly, all big name stars signed for Marvel movies that are upcoming will have an "Avengers clause," which is the coolest clause ever (sorry Santa). Now listen, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but has anybody considered that Downey Jr will be in his 50s by the time the Iron Man trilogy and Avengers hoedown wraps up? That's pretty amazing for a superhero actor and almost guarantees that this is his only stint with the character. I'm not complaining, I love everything that's happening, I'm just pointing stuff out. Also, after watching a decent-but-not-great "SNL" this weekend, I'm convinced that Jon Hamm is PERFECT for Captain America. He just exudes the part. Mark my words, he'll be considered for the role and may just be damn perfect for it. For those who think that I think about these things way too often...I got nothing, you're probably right.
Ladies and gentlemen: The single most awful thing I've ever posted
The Jonas Brothers are apparently a popular band despite making what can best be described as mediocre-to-awful sounding music and looking like what happens if you put Zac Effron and an English sheepdog in Jeff Goldblum's Fly transporter. Fox, the studio that I have less respect for than any other on the grounds that the produce so many turds, is reportedly going to give the boy band the lead roles in Walter The Farting Dog to be directed by The Farrelly Brothers (The Heartbreak Kid) based on a screenplay from Aleck Sokolow and Joel Cohen (Evan Almighty and Daddy Day Camp). Wow. Just...wow. Let's take a second here and soak that all in. First, there's apparently a series of kids books named "Walter the Farting Dog." Wow. Second, The Farrelly Brothers directing the Jonas Brothers...I smell a marketing tie in with other brothers (Lehman maybe?). Third, the people who wrote Evan Almighty and Daddy Day Camp were not only not committed as human sacrifices to whatever unholy demon from whence they spawned, but continue to work, making more money than me and you, and likely me and you combined. Fourth, this is going to supposedly be a franchise. That means we may see Walter the Farting Dog 2. Did I mention that the word fart is in the title, because it is. Can't post anymore through the tears of laughter and sadness.
As the age-old human fallacy dictates, smart people want to be athletic, good looking people want to be smart, pro football players want to be basketball players (or ballroom dancers), and actors want to be musicians. Meanwhile, the guy in the back who smells like rancid feet and has an IQ that hovers around "should I put this in that electrical socket" will take anything. I mention this because Joaquin Pheonix, whose creepy demeanor should have prohibited his fame in the first place, has stated that he is "retiring" from acting to pursue his music career. Granted, his vocal stylings in Walk The Line weren't exactly Brosnian in their terribleness, they were quite good in fact. But hitting a jump shot in a pickup game doesn't mean you can drain threes with a 6' 8" guard in your face. This will likely be one of those cases where he puts out an album that flops (see: Scarlett Johannsson, Hayden Panitierre, Kevin Bacon, Bruce Willis, etc, etc) and then returns to acting by taking the first paycheck thrown at him. I rate the length of this "retirement" somewhere between Farve-ian and Jordan-ian (Ha! Jordanian refers to people from the country of Jordan! Isn't that a funny thing I just did there? No? Okay, still early in the morning.)
Relax, the man inside the can has a plan
I look forward to the Avengers movie (the one with Captain America, not the one with that British chick everybody horned over in the 60s) with a fever unparalleled since the last thing I looked forward to. So it's good news that the thing we all assumed, that Robert Downey Jr would be playing Iron Man in that film, has been confirmed. Moreover, Don "The Real Deadle" Cheadle is also going to show up in The Avengers as War Machine (despite having Dick Cheney's nickname, he's actually a good guy). Whether or not this is a cameo, it's interesting to hear that, reportedly, all big name stars signed for Marvel movies that are upcoming will have an "Avengers clause," which is the coolest clause ever (sorry Santa). Now listen, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but has anybody considered that Downey Jr will be in his 50s by the time the Iron Man trilogy and Avengers hoedown wraps up? That's pretty amazing for a superhero actor and almost guarantees that this is his only stint with the character. I'm not complaining, I love everything that's happening, I'm just pointing stuff out. Also, after watching a decent-but-not-great "SNL" this weekend, I'm convinced that Jon Hamm is PERFECT for Captain America. He just exudes the part. Mark my words, he'll be considered for the role and may just be damn perfect for it. For those who think that I think about these things way too often...I got nothing, you're probably right.
Ladies and gentlemen: The single most awful thing I've ever posted
The Jonas Brothers are apparently a popular band despite making what can best be described as mediocre-to-awful sounding music and looking like what happens if you put Zac Effron and an English sheepdog in Jeff Goldblum's Fly transporter. Fox, the studio that I have less respect for than any other on the grounds that the produce so many turds, is reportedly going to give the boy band the lead roles in Walter The Farting Dog to be directed by The Farrelly Brothers (The Heartbreak Kid) based on a screenplay from Aleck Sokolow and Joel Cohen (Evan Almighty and Daddy Day Camp). Wow. Just...wow. Let's take a second here and soak that all in. First, there's apparently a series of kids books named "Walter the Farting Dog." Wow. Second, The Farrelly Brothers directing the Jonas Brothers...I smell a marketing tie in with other brothers (Lehman maybe?). Third, the people who wrote Evan Almighty and Daddy Day Camp were not only not committed as human sacrifices to whatever unholy demon from whence they spawned, but continue to work, making more money than me and you, and likely me and you combined. Fourth, this is going to supposedly be a franchise. That means we may see Walter the Farting Dog 2. Did I mention that the word fart is in the title, because it is. Can't post anymore through the tears of laughter and sadness.
posted by Ryan at
8:44 AM
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