Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Free-For-All

Go figure, I like the Watchmen trailer

Okay, so it wasn't ME that director Zack Snyder had to convince to go see Watchmen, as I am writing this from standing in line for the movie which opens in March (I kid, but believe you me, were there such a line, I would be in it). The people he has to convince are the ones who made The Dark Knight the highest grossing film in US history not to feature Kate Winslet's boobies. Thus, it's a good thing that the main character (insofar as there is one) has a voice that sounds an awful lot like Christian Bale's throaty growl and that lots and lots of stuff appears to be blowing up. Whether or not things like Dr. Manhattan (that's the blue guy) will turn people on or off to the film is unclear (they'll definitely be turned on once they get there because [SPOILER ALERT] you totally see Manhattan's wang a bunch). Look, people who aren't die-hard nerds who grew up wondering what this would look like on screen are going to have a hard time getting excited about this we have to help them. Sell the smart ones on the socio-political commentary, sell the easily entertained ones on the special effects, and sell the pretty ones on Dr. Manhattan's wang. By the by, how great is it to see a comic book movie from DC that has a big ole Rated R opening on it (that specifies all the dirty goodness to follow)? Anyway, here's the trailer for your own enjoyment, use it for the power of good and get people to go and see this one. There will be no sequel, which is actually a selling point.

Weekend Battle Plan: Pretend you have a choice

Well I've got good news and I've got (sortof) bad news. Good: I saw the latest Bond and it is good. Bad: If you don't like Bond you can go watch the movie where a zebra voiced by Chris Rock says "crack-a-lackin'." I'll obviously go more in depth in the review that comes out next week (find a copy of "The Reader" and get those awesome newspaper smudgies on your fingers or, you know, click over to the left of this), but sufficed to say that there is more action than takes place at The Real World house on "Apple Pucker Jello shooter night." Plus, this is the first truly diversionary, escapist entertainment that has been offered in awhile, so despite hating the fact that we are forced to see it by a lack of any other releases opening against it, it ain't a bad flick to be stuck with. Oh, hey, trivia question: Does anybody remember what the hell the villain in Casino Royale was doing? I've been trying to remember all day and can't. I really liked that film, quite a bit actually, but it was mostly because Daniel Craig was so ass-kick-tastic and not because I gave a tiny dose of crap about who or what the villain was. I only mention because the same problem occurs with Quantum of Solace, which is also never explained all the way in the film (somewhere there's a nerd writing a treatise on how clever this name actually is). Once 007 gets a real nemesis, wow are we in for a treat. For now, it's at least a fun night at the movies.

That's my recommendation: You know you're gonna see it, so you may as well Quantum your Solace now (did I use that right?).

On DVD: Hellboy II: The Golden Army has really stood up well in my mind since this summer. That's really the true test of a movie, how you feel about it after you digest and excrete it. Some 5 months later and I really, really think fondly of it still. It's funny, touching, and has some INCREDIBLE set and character designs. Seriously, even scenes of people just talking look so pretty. Plus, it's pretty much non-stop action, so it will fill out your testosterone sandwich if you see 007 as well (WARNING: Do not eat a testosterone sandwich if you are or may become pregnant; side effects include spontaneous high-fiving, standing to pee even if you don't have the parts, and a sudden quantuming of your solace).

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Here we are again old nemesis. Me, looking like the kid who just has to know how his boogies taste. You, the sultry temptress who is more than content to show me a little somethin-somethin so long as I keep my distance. Well, honey, this week has an easy number one and number two, so I'm practically at third base already...but then we get into the whole mess of fifth place and I don't even know what to do (is there a fifth base so I can continue this metaphor and, if so, does it hurt?). The key is going to be hitting the 007 number on the nose and getting the fifth film at least correct, even if the dollar amount is wrong. So, hot stuff, let's do this thing.

Here's how I see it:

1.) Quantum of Solace - $56 million

It would not surprise me in the slightest if this number were way higher. Casino Royale's opening weekend was just (HA, just) $40 million, but that was back when Bond didn't look like a crossbreed between 007 and Jason Bourne. It's gonna be number one, but by how much is kind of a mystery (a mystery solved only by...forget it).

2.) Madagascar 2: Them Animals Talk Funny - $46 million

I'm serious, people should pool their money together and start funding family films. Our economy would right itself if we sunk money, not in AIG, but in Madagascar 3: We Can Still Get Money Out of This. This movie has been KILLING it during the week, which has led some to believe it could beat Bond. These same people still thought McCain had a chance.

3.) Role Models - $10 million

Although some of the dudes who want to see this will be getting their 007 on, it should hold well as the only comedy worth a squirt still out there. It's been an impressive film that I just now realized was written by some of the guys from "The State," the best comedy show ever. WHEN IS IT ON DVD?! Seriously, I can watch EVERY SEASON of "King of Queens" but no "State?"

4.) High School Musical 3: Senior Year - $5 million

I hereby declare I can make no more jokes about this one. Free pass Zack Effron!

5.) The Changeling - $4 million

You and I both know that whatever I put here will end up in 6th place. I hate Clint Eastwood as a director. Therefore, I put him here so that he will lose. Take that Eastwood.
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