Monday, November 17, 2008

Quick clips for Monday November 17

You had me at butt-chin

The first time I saw Aaron Eckhart (in the movies, not in person, he still won't answer my personal ads) was In the Company of Men, which if you haven't seen it should have made me think he was a total psycho jerkface. But I must be obsessed with a perfectly cleft chin and an immense amount of talent, because I immediately began listing him as an actor to keep an eye on (man, if Eckhart sees this post, I think he's going to immediately file that 50 ft-personal-bubble-by-law restriction against me). Over the years he's made good on that promise (Persuasion, The Dark Knight) and also colossally failed me (The Core, The Core, The Core). Devin at Chud.com reminds me that the world wants him to play Captain America (it's all about the butt-chin baby) but I want John Hamm to do that, which means Eckhart has to find other work, which is exactly what he did by signing on to play a Marine platoon commander who battles alien invaders in Los Angeles. Um, okay. It's being directed by the guy who did Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning and was written by the guy who did The General's Daughter. Apparently, he learned no lessons from The Core whatsoever, as this sounds like a high-concept piece that could be B-movie cool or, you know, the movie that I list next to The Core when I'm describing huge mistakes good actors make. And don't tell me he needs money after The Dark Knight. Most actors do the "one paycheck, one indie" approach to still be considered actors while being able to afford toilets made of poor people. Apparently, Eckhart belongs to the "one paycheck, another paycheck" approach or what I call "The Sam Jackson."

I could pretend this is news, or we could just be honest with each other

In January, the world goes from bleak and geekless to paradise for those of the nerd persuasion, as "Lost" and "Battlestar Galactica" return to slake our thirst. "Lost" returns January 21, but "B-Star" returns on January 16, making those 5 days the best for dorks since the discovery that genitalia does not always need a copilot. Now comes word that "B-Star" webisodes start going online next month...and Aintitcool.com is reporting that, in these online features, two recurring male characters are revealed to be gay. Two things: First, I am really amazed at the explosion in the gay movement. Somehow after prop H8 passed in California, the movement has gotten organized and spread nationwide. Hearing that more mainstream (okay, fine, Sci-Fi channel programming isn't mainstream, but you get my point) fiction will include actually 3-dimensional gay characters is another big stem in the demystifying process. Second, WHO ARE THE GAY GUYS IN "B-STAR?" Obvious money is on Gaeta (who has never hooked up with any gals on the show), and the use of the word "recurring" means it likely isn't a main star...so I'm guessing it could be blind lawyer guy (always forget his name). I mean, we all know it should be Apollo (who may act kind of tough but looks like he's about to put in the Moulin Rouge CD) but it won't be because he wants to buck Starbuck. God I miss this show.

Box Office Results: Someone could have told me Quantum of Solace was ancient hibernian for "underestimated box office returns."

So you like the new Bond style, huh? I mean, move over Jason Bourne, there's a new brooding superspy who is lethal to all women around him and has piercing eyes, overly pronounced man tits and the desire of all women (and some "B-Star" cast members). Everyone expected good results, but these are off the hizzook (I'm told it's okay to use the "izzes" again, they're coming back around). Also, once more I totally nailed the top 5 in the right order...but I'm thinking my massive gaffe at some of the figures will once again rob me of the A grade I deserve. Still, not failing is the first step to success (I read that on a coffee mug from a guy in GED class).

Here are the results:

1.) Quantum of Solace - $70 million (Accuracy of prediction - 89%)

All joking aside (okay, most joking aside), I'm glad to see a true, smart action franchise on the rise. Damon will do another Bourne movie (which is good), but Bond is limitless. So the idea of an endless series of movies done this cleverly and this thrillingly is thrilling (and clever). Don't worry, we'll see Q eventually (we may have in this movie if you look closely and think about it) and my guess is Moneypenny will show up as a serious love interest before too long (that or he'll start nailing Dame Judy Dench).

2.) Madagascar 2: The Penguins Are Funny - $36 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)

In a great short story, Sloane Crosley has a character who mentions the following (I'm paraphrasing): "My mother told me that if I ever saw a unicorn to either catch it or kill it for money." I think that every time I see talking animal movies.

3.) Role Men - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 95%)

I have now decided that I will see this movie after reminiscing with one of my friends this weekend about MTV's "The State." If any writer who worked on a sketch were muppets are killed and eaten write a movie, I am honor bound to see it.

4.) High School Musical 3: Senior Year - $6 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92%)

I'll ignore the fact that I made a statement about the gay movement earlier and the success of HSM3 and use this time to point out that OMG I THINK I BROKE INTO THE A RANGE! I'm freaking out as I add this up!

5.) Changeling - $4 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)

I DID IT, OH SWEET TINY BABY JESUS AND ALL OTHER DARLING DEITIES, I DID IT!!!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 92%

That's an A baby. A straight-up A! I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible, like Daniel Craig and Angelina Jolie. I'm so happy, I think I'm treating myself to something tonight. I don't know what, but it's gonna be something that tastes like success.
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