Friday Free-For-All
Golden Globes that don't belong to Scarlett Johansson
The popularity of award shows are declining faster than the popularity of that one girl who won't really do "those things" after all. Still, I loves um. Just loves um. Don't even care that they are lame and don't represent the best films or performances in any way. I love the spectacle and the tears and the joy and all of it. I just love it, and if you don't you are just a hate-filled, hate-mongering, hatetastic hater. Let me put it another way: The last time you won an award, it probably didn't actually mean anything (unless your prize started with Nobel, in which case, kudos), but you were thrilled. I like watching people have that moment and I like guessing who is going to win what. It's sort of like gambling on people's joy, which is cool. Anyway, all of this brings me to the Golden Globe nominations, which were a little pedestrian for me this year. I'll give you some highlights and then my reaction:
Best Picture (Drama)
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Okay, so none of those movies has actually come here yet (wow, that sucks), but no big surprises aside from Batman's non-inclusion. If he had a chance at an Oscar nom in this category, it would have been after a Golden Globe nom. So I guess he'll just stick with being the highest grossing film to not include Kate Winslet's exposed body parts (come on, you know that's why it hit $600 million). One other point, if in this weak year Wall-E didn't get nominated for best picture proper, no animated film can or will ever be nominated for this award. Just saying.
Best Picture (Comedy or Musical)
BURN AFTER READING
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
IN BRUGES
MAMMA MIA!
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Nice call on the Burn After Reading, really good film. Surprise here is In Bruges, which I've been told is orgasmic (but that's by people who are waaay too into movies). If you vote against a movie where Scarlett J and Penelope Cruz touch body parts, you suck.
Best Director
DANNY BOYLE – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
STEPHEN DALDRY – THE READER
DAVID FINCHER – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
RON HOWARD – FROST/NIXON
SAM MENDES – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
Okay, this award will go to hack 1 (Howard) or hack 2 (Mendes), but should go to Fincher or Boyle. I am REALLY pulling for Boyle, because he's the best director not to have a major trophy now that Scorsese has his (whew).
Best Actress (Drama)
ANNE HATHAWAY – RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
ANGELINA JOLIE – CHANGELING
MERYL STREEP – DOUBT
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS – I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
KATE WINSLET – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
What? Meryl Streep was nominated for something?! Jolie's nomination is just ass kissing. Can we agree that we should all just get behind Kate Winslet, the best actress of this generation, and give her the damn awards this year. I don't even care what for, she shouldn't keep getting shut out! She keeps showing you her privates, what more does she have to do?
Best Actor (Drama)
LEONARDO DICAPRIO – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
FRANK LANGELLA – FROST/NIXON
SEAN PENN – MILK
BRAD PITT – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
MICKEY ROURKE – THE WRESTLER
I can't tell you how badly I want to hear "Best actor is Mickey Rourke." I think this will go to Sean or Brad, but my fingers are crossed. All in all, pretty solid group (I think Langella is just happy that Rourke got nominated so he's not the ugliest one up there).
Best Actress (Comedy)
REBECCA HALL – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
SALLY HAWKINS – HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
FRANCES MCDORMAND – BURN AFTER READING
MERYL STREEP – MAMMA MIA!
EMMA THOMPSON – LAST CHANCE HARVEY
Meryl Streep got nominated for something?! I hope this goes to Frances, but I'm okay with this list in general...aside from whatever the hell that Harvey movie is. Never heard of it. Seriously, NEVER.
Best Actor (Comedy)
JAVIER BARDEM – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
COLIN FARRELL – IN BRUGES
JAMES FRANCO – PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
BRENDAN GLEESON – IN BRUGES
DUSTIN HOFFMAN – LAST CHANCE HARVEY
Most awesome nomination has to be Franco's here. It WAS an incredible performance. Honest to God it was. Two from the hit man movie was shocking and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS HARVEY MOVIE IS. This category is one I'll be watching closely. Go Jimmy F!
Best Supporting Actress
AMY ADAMS – DOUBT
PENELOPE CRUZ – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
VIOLA DAVIS –DOUBT
MARISA TOMEI – THE WRESTLER
KATE WINSLET – THE READER
I'm good with this list too, although don't be dicks and give Winslet a supporting actress trophy. Give her the big one. This would be awesome if Tomei could win here (not just because I think she's somehow age-defyingly getting hotter or because she's in the movie I'm most looking forward to), just to give that old rumor that she didn't deserve her last award a rest.
Best Supporting Actor
TOM CRUISE – TROPIC THUNDER
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. –TROPIC THUNDER
RALPH FIENNES – THE DUCHESS
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – DOUBT
HEATH LEDGER – THE DARK KNIGHT
Wow, the second most surprising nod is Cruise's here. It's totally underserved (people don't understand what a cameo is apparently). Yay for the Downey Jr nod, totally warranted, but Fiennes and Hoffman? Really, we need to applaud Hoffman playing a whack job again? This is Heath's award and we all know it, he'll be getting the first posthumous nod of many right here. Look for the weepies to start.
One TV category and then we're done, honest:
Best Television Series
DEXTER
HOUSE
IN TREATMENT
MAD MEN
TRUE BLOOD
I could try as hard as I could to find five less deserving nominees for something and couldn't do it. They totally pooped the bed on this one. "In Treatment?" Seriously? The god-forsaken vampire show? Have you seen that turd? "House?" What is someone still uncertain if he's going to figure it out eventually. "Lost" gets shunned for their best season, "30 Rock" gets shunned for being brilliant, "Battlestar Galactica" never got love. They can suck it on this one. I'm done now. Enjoy the start of awards season, you grinches, you.
Weekend battle plan: Surely you aren't done shopping yet?
In what can only be described as an epically awful winter season, we're given a Keanu Reeves movie as the only real wide release this week. Wide as in "Open wide and swallow this" because it's gonna hurt going down. Looking like a super-powered Independence Day without the Will Smith one-liners (like you don't still cheer for "Welcome to Earth!"), this one is going to do big money opening weekend and then slip out the back like an ungrateful child at his father's funeral (wow, that wasn't funny, that was just sad...I apologize for that one. I must be troubled). The other choices aren't that good either, meaning you're back to stimulating the economy by shopping or stimulating yourself by engaging in an activity other than watching movies. Oh, unless you want to go to Film Streams because they're holding Let the Right One In because of the awesomeness. You don't know how happy that makes me. Such a good movie and I totally called it early. I rule! I'm happy again, now my metaphors will return to being crazy and funny instead of Debbie Downer.
That's my recommendation: Go see Let the Right One In or, if you can't, see nothing. Do not support mediocrity!
On DVD: This almost goes without saying but go ahead and rent The Dark Knight. I know, I know, not exactly an original pick, but it's soooooo good. Honest, it really is. If you haven't seen it yet, don't be "one of those" jerks who doesn't see it just so you can say you haven't seen it. People don't like those people. We don't respect you for it, we just think you're obnoxious. So there you go, rent The Dark Knight or you'll be obnoxious. Why don't people ever pull my quotes for posters?
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
It was fun to do the 100th post recollection and see that I've never been good at this. Much like Rex Grossman, the Chicago Cubs, Keanu Reeves, and Jessica Simpson, not being good at what I do doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it. This week should be easy to call number one but, once again, I'm going to have problems at the bottom (as opposed to problems with my bottom, which are way more unpleasant). Still, all I can do is try. Eff you Yoda, trying is all I have.
1.) The Day the Earth Stood Still - $45 million
Say this for the half-witted Reeves, he sure has had a successful career. Throw another giant hit on the pile, if only because we're STARVING for something that looks like a big movie. Seriously, one more week of Four Christmases at number one and I was going to take my own life at candy cane point.
2.) Four Christmases - $12 million
I have no other funny or interesting things to say about this movie. It's only appropriate, since it is neither funny nor interesting.
3.) Nothing Like the Holidays - $7.5 million
Conventional wisdom says this is Twilight's slot, but I'm pissed at that franchise AND I'm amazed that there isn't a bigger market for Hispanic-driven films. Seriously? Why is it that the black audience gets marketed to with regularity but a full Hispanic cast is seen with less frequency than a war-mongering vice president (don't think he's done, he's got 30 more days to bomb somebody else). I hope this beats expectations.
4.) Twilight - $7 million
I hate you Summit Pictures and I hate your movie too.
5.) Bolt - $5 million
If Australia beats you again, dog, I'm coming over there with a stick. By the way, if you think Australia is one of the year's best films, you shouldn't be sold movie tickets in the future.
The popularity of award shows are declining faster than the popularity of that one girl who won't really do "those things" after all. Still, I loves um. Just loves um. Don't even care that they are lame and don't represent the best films or performances in any way. I love the spectacle and the tears and the joy and all of it. I just love it, and if you don't you are just a hate-filled, hate-mongering, hatetastic hater. Let me put it another way: The last time you won an award, it probably didn't actually mean anything (unless your prize started with Nobel, in which case, kudos), but you were thrilled. I like watching people have that moment and I like guessing who is going to win what. It's sort of like gambling on people's joy, which is cool. Anyway, all of this brings me to the Golden Globe nominations, which were a little pedestrian for me this year. I'll give you some highlights and then my reaction:
Best Picture (Drama)
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
FROST/NIXON
THE READER
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Okay, so none of those movies has actually come here yet (wow, that sucks), but no big surprises aside from Batman's non-inclusion. If he had a chance at an Oscar nom in this category, it would have been after a Golden Globe nom. So I guess he'll just stick with being the highest grossing film to not include Kate Winslet's exposed body parts (come on, you know that's why it hit $600 million). One other point, if in this weak year Wall-E didn't get nominated for best picture proper, no animated film can or will ever be nominated for this award. Just saying.
Best Picture (Comedy or Musical)
BURN AFTER READING
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
IN BRUGES
MAMMA MIA!
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Nice call on the Burn After Reading, really good film. Surprise here is In Bruges, which I've been told is orgasmic (but that's by people who are waaay too into movies). If you vote against a movie where Scarlett J and Penelope Cruz touch body parts, you suck.
Best Director
DANNY BOYLE – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
STEPHEN DALDRY – THE READER
DAVID FINCHER – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
RON HOWARD – FROST/NIXON
SAM MENDES – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
Okay, this award will go to hack 1 (Howard) or hack 2 (Mendes), but should go to Fincher or Boyle. I am REALLY pulling for Boyle, because he's the best director not to have a major trophy now that Scorsese has his (whew).
Best Actress (Drama)
ANNE HATHAWAY – RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
ANGELINA JOLIE – CHANGELING
MERYL STREEP – DOUBT
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS – I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
KATE WINSLET – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
What? Meryl Streep was nominated for something?! Jolie's nomination is just ass kissing. Can we agree that we should all just get behind Kate Winslet, the best actress of this generation, and give her the damn awards this year. I don't even care what for, she shouldn't keep getting shut out! She keeps showing you her privates, what more does she have to do?
Best Actor (Drama)
LEONARDO DICAPRIO – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
FRANK LANGELLA – FROST/NIXON
SEAN PENN – MILK
BRAD PITT – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
MICKEY ROURKE – THE WRESTLER
I can't tell you how badly I want to hear "Best actor is Mickey Rourke." I think this will go to Sean or Brad, but my fingers are crossed. All in all, pretty solid group (I think Langella is just happy that Rourke got nominated so he's not the ugliest one up there).
Best Actress (Comedy)
REBECCA HALL – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
SALLY HAWKINS – HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
FRANCES MCDORMAND – BURN AFTER READING
MERYL STREEP – MAMMA MIA!
EMMA THOMPSON – LAST CHANCE HARVEY
Meryl Streep got nominated for something?! I hope this goes to Frances, but I'm okay with this list in general...aside from whatever the hell that Harvey movie is. Never heard of it. Seriously, NEVER.
Best Actor (Comedy)
JAVIER BARDEM – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
COLIN FARRELL – IN BRUGES
JAMES FRANCO – PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
BRENDAN GLEESON – IN BRUGES
DUSTIN HOFFMAN – LAST CHANCE HARVEY
Most awesome nomination has to be Franco's here. It WAS an incredible performance. Honest to God it was. Two from the hit man movie was shocking and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS HARVEY MOVIE IS. This category is one I'll be watching closely. Go Jimmy F!
Best Supporting Actress
AMY ADAMS – DOUBT
PENELOPE CRUZ – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
VIOLA DAVIS –DOUBT
MARISA TOMEI – THE WRESTLER
KATE WINSLET – THE READER
I'm good with this list too, although don't be dicks and give Winslet a supporting actress trophy. Give her the big one. This would be awesome if Tomei could win here (not just because I think she's somehow age-defyingly getting hotter or because she's in the movie I'm most looking forward to), just to give that old rumor that she didn't deserve her last award a rest.
Best Supporting Actor
TOM CRUISE – TROPIC THUNDER
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. –TROPIC THUNDER
RALPH FIENNES – THE DUCHESS
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – DOUBT
HEATH LEDGER – THE DARK KNIGHT
Wow, the second most surprising nod is Cruise's here. It's totally underserved (people don't understand what a cameo is apparently). Yay for the Downey Jr nod, totally warranted, but Fiennes and Hoffman? Really, we need to applaud Hoffman playing a whack job again? This is Heath's award and we all know it, he'll be getting the first posthumous nod of many right here. Look for the weepies to start.
One TV category and then we're done, honest:
Best Television Series
DEXTER
HOUSE
IN TREATMENT
MAD MEN
TRUE BLOOD
I could try as hard as I could to find five less deserving nominees for something and couldn't do it. They totally pooped the bed on this one. "In Treatment?" Seriously? The god-forsaken vampire show? Have you seen that turd? "House?" What is someone still uncertain if he's going to figure it out eventually. "Lost" gets shunned for their best season, "30 Rock" gets shunned for being brilliant, "Battlestar Galactica" never got love. They can suck it on this one. I'm done now. Enjoy the start of awards season, you grinches, you.
Weekend battle plan: Surely you aren't done shopping yet?
In what can only be described as an epically awful winter season, we're given a Keanu Reeves movie as the only real wide release this week. Wide as in "Open wide and swallow this" because it's gonna hurt going down. Looking like a super-powered Independence Day without the Will Smith one-liners (like you don't still cheer for "Welcome to Earth!"), this one is going to do big money opening weekend and then slip out the back like an ungrateful child at his father's funeral (wow, that wasn't funny, that was just sad...I apologize for that one. I must be troubled). The other choices aren't that good either, meaning you're back to stimulating the economy by shopping or stimulating yourself by engaging in an activity other than watching movies. Oh, unless you want to go to Film Streams because they're holding Let the Right One In because of the awesomeness. You don't know how happy that makes me. Such a good movie and I totally called it early. I rule! I'm happy again, now my metaphors will return to being crazy and funny instead of Debbie Downer.
That's my recommendation: Go see Let the Right One In or, if you can't, see nothing. Do not support mediocrity!
On DVD: This almost goes without saying but go ahead and rent The Dark Knight. I know, I know, not exactly an original pick, but it's soooooo good. Honest, it really is. If you haven't seen it yet, don't be "one of those" jerks who doesn't see it just so you can say you haven't seen it. People don't like those people. We don't respect you for it, we just think you're obnoxious. So there you go, rent The Dark Knight or you'll be obnoxious. Why don't people ever pull my quotes for posters?
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
It was fun to do the 100th post recollection and see that I've never been good at this. Much like Rex Grossman, the Chicago Cubs, Keanu Reeves, and Jessica Simpson, not being good at what I do doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it. This week should be easy to call number one but, once again, I'm going to have problems at the bottom (as opposed to problems with my bottom, which are way more unpleasant). Still, all I can do is try. Eff you Yoda, trying is all I have.
1.) The Day the Earth Stood Still - $45 million
Say this for the half-witted Reeves, he sure has had a successful career. Throw another giant hit on the pile, if only because we're STARVING for something that looks like a big movie. Seriously, one more week of Four Christmases at number one and I was going to take my own life at candy cane point.
2.) Four Christmases - $12 million
I have no other funny or interesting things to say about this movie. It's only appropriate, since it is neither funny nor interesting.
3.) Nothing Like the Holidays - $7.5 million
Conventional wisdom says this is Twilight's slot, but I'm pissed at that franchise AND I'm amazed that there isn't a bigger market for Hispanic-driven films. Seriously? Why is it that the black audience gets marketed to with regularity but a full Hispanic cast is seen with less frequency than a war-mongering vice president (don't think he's done, he's got 30 more days to bomb somebody else). I hope this beats expectations.
4.) Twilight - $7 million
I hate you Summit Pictures and I hate your movie too.
5.) Bolt - $5 million
If Australia beats you again, dog, I'm coming over there with a stick. By the way, if you think Australia is one of the year's best films, you shouldn't be sold movie tickets in the future.
posted by Ryan at
8:36 AM
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