Monday, December 22, 2008

Quick clips for Monday December 22

REMINDER: Cutting Room Floor is going on vacation for the week starting on Wednesday. Oh, don't pretend you're upset, you'll be busy opening that boxed set of Molly Ringwald's greatest hits (did I just spoil that for sorry). Besides, nothing of interest happens on the few days before and after Christmas in the movie world. Not because they're, like, religious or anything, but because that's when they all schedule their heavy cosmetic surgery repairs (pre-Christmas 2001, Hugh Jackman was a beautiful blond woman). So, enjoy some nogg, enjoy this blog, we'll be doing some today and some tomorrow and then none 'til next Monday. Deal.

Kidman can be any flower but Daisy

Baz Luhrman has a ridiculous name and some mad skillz. You wouldn't know it from Australia, the most tepid non-epic epic to saunter about in a long while. Fresh off the euphoria of totally blowing it at the box office, Lurhman wants redemption. As near as I can figure, he already screwed up retelling a defining moment in HIS people's history (yay for magical aborigines) so he thought he may as well try his hand at one of OURS. That's why the Hollywood Reporter is...reporting that BL is taking on FSF...which is to say he's adapting The Great Gatsby, perhaps the most important literary work of its time. I'm okay with this, really, considering the only other memorable adaptation sucked to the suck power. But, I do wish that I could negotiate terms with Luhrman. It would go something like this: "Okay, Baz, first off, that's just a ridiculous name. So the first thing we're going to do is rename you Brian. Don't argue with me, you would have never survived the third grade in America with a name like that. Second, you can do this, but Kidman has to stay far away. I mean that contractually, you aren't allowed to shoot unless she's on a different continent. Should her flight be in the same airspace, you have to stop shooting until she lands in Singapore or wherever. Third, bring some of the visual flair you showed in everything previous to Australia, a movie so visually plain Ron Howard could have shot it. Fourth, no crazy rewrites to set this in "modern day" or anything else stupid you're possibly doing. Don't set it in space or make it a musical or anything. You just shoot the script by the book, without Kidman (I cannot be more clear about this), in a cool visual way and we'll be good. If not, Brian, it's a one-way ticket to wherever Paul Hogan now lives."

So, this James Cameron guy is a director of some sort?

Well, well. Jimmy Cameron all of a sudden remembers what it is he used to do for a living. First he's getting close to finishing Avatar, a heavy-on-the-CG-and-3D sci-fi flick. I will believe that when I'm sitting in a theater watching it, but that's what he claims. Now comes word that he is considering a second movie. Not since Piranha 2 has he been this prolific! J Michael Straczynksi, who wrote Spiderman comics (yay!) and a Clint Eastwood movie (boo), has penned a "reimagining" of Forbidden Planet, which was a reimagining of Shakespeare's "The Tempest," which was a reimagining of an opium hallucination Shakespeare had. The rumored remake is the first in a trilogy that sees a spaceship crash on a planet. Really, that's about it. I mean, it's kind of like Swiss Family Robinson, but with robots and stuff (so, like only 75% as stupid). Reportedly, Cameron flipped for the script and is ready to Joel Silver who is producing. Silver is the one-time wonder producer behind the Lethal Weapon series and others who fell for the Wachowski brothers after he produced the Matrix trilogy, only to find Speed Racer waiting for him. Ouch. Whether or not this happens, and all (most) kidding aside, it's good to hear Cameron's name bandied about again. The last time I spent this long discussing one of his possible projects was when he was rumored to be directing the first Spiderman movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Honest.

Weekend Box Office Results: In addition to hand grenades, close now counts in movie predictions.

Well, well, a VAST improvement has occurred this week. And I'm not just talking about the improvement in taste given the mild flop of the latest Jim Carrey movie. Ohhhh, burn! I'm talking about the improvement in intelligence given the panning of Will Smith's latest "give me my Oscar dammit" movie. Ooohhhhh, double burn. No, what I really mean is, I got a pretty decent grade this week, which is refreshing. I would like to point out that Carrey did vastly underperform, which is what got me. Can we officially start referring to him as "former movie star Jim Carrey" now?

Here are the results:

1.) Yes Man - $18 million (Accuracy of prediction - 62%)

If JC thinks Christmas is going to help his box office, he's the wrong JC for the season. True, no big laffers are coming out this week, but there's something like 8 movies opening or expanding, so chances are not good that this is going to achieve what Carrey wanted, which was to be famous again. Turns out the nation grew up from watching someone act like a jackass, or at least from watching this jackass. Yay for jackass rejection.

2.) Seven Pounds - $16 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

Really not bad for a movie as ill-conceived and ill-promoted as this one. Big Willy is a great and incredibly watchable actor, but he HAS to have someone help him figure out how to get his Oscar. Here's the easy answer: Play a bad guy. Really, it will change things. It's that simple. Look at Denzel, when he went nasty, he got his trophy (finally). Yay for good decisions.

3.) The Tale of Desperaux - $10.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)

Hey, this is good news for the little mouse. See, no other kids movies are coming out right now and kids are supposed to be getting out of school, which means possible increases in the mouse's money. YAY for rodents!

4.) The Day the Earth Stood Still - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 65%)

Wow, everyone else thought this movie sucked too! Yay for mutually observed mediocrity! Keanu Reeves can sympathize with Jim Carrey. They should do a movie together, Confused and Annoying.

5.) Four Christmases - $7.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 97%)

I just know this will surge back into the top 5 again next week, because it just won't go away. Yay for crap.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 80%

A B- is still a B. At least that's what I tell myself. Not too shabby!
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