Quick clips for Thursday December 11

How much ass can Kick Ass kick, if Kick Ass does kick ass?

If you aren't a fan of a movie called Kick Ass, what do you stand for? Because you don't stand for things that kick ass, that much is definitive. I've been following the development of this comic book-turned-movie about a kid with no powers fighting crime in a modified scuba suit (and doing so poorly) for a long time now and have shifted from generally excited to gently rocking back-and-forth while humming the "Love Boat" theme song (I mean, me doing that and my excitement for the film are likely unrelated, but you get the idea). So when Moriarty at Aintitcool.com did an awesome set report, I was interested ("THE LOVE BOAT hmmmhmmmhmmhmmhmmmhmmmm"). Nevermind that Moriarty is only slightly less wordy than, um, me...his description of what was going on at that set (the same set where HAN SOLO WAS FROZEN IN CARBONITE...YES, I'M SERIOUS, CAN YOU NOT TELL BY THE CAPS LOCK?!) is just incredible. I know that much of the superhero/comic book (not the same thing by the way) genre has been explored and that, despite author Mark Millar's insistence otherwise, that Kick Ass is not the reinvention of the wheel that he would have you believe (dude wants to do a 9-hour depressing Superman epic movie series that ends with his death...you can't give him more power). Still, how do you not get excited about this:

For those who can't tell, in the upper-right corner...that's McLovin' in a full-on mask and cape. You may now pause to take that in.

God did this just for me

I'm a Spider-man nerd to a degree that rendered me virtually unlovable throughout much of my public school life. The only thing on this planet about which I'd be more excited than spider-related paraphernalia would be all things U2. I would, in fact, make out with Bono (whether or not he or I wanted to) and am so totally whacked out in love with their music that I feel as though they were put on this earth to sing songs just for me. To a much smaller degree, I love Julie Taymor who directed Titus and Broadway's "Lion King" (hang in there, this last one will make sense). So when they announced awhile back that U2 would be making a musical with Julie Taymor about Spiderman, I just assumed they were effing with me somehow. They weren't. I have since begun planning how to get to New York in 2010 (provided this whole thing doesn't blow-up pre-Broadway debut, as the budget is rumored to be one billion dollars...okay, I'm exaggerating, but I'm so hopped up on Spider-U2 fandom I can't type straight). That said, I also didn't think this would actually get very far, that at some point someone would say "Hey, do we really need to make the coolest thing to ever happen to Ryan Syrek? I mean, there's no possible reason to do this other than his pleasure." But instead, things appear to be progressing, with IESB making the first casting announcement: MARY JANE will be played by this gal (presumably with more clothes on than in this picture but she had red hair in it so don't judge me)

That gal's name is Evan Rachel Woods and don't judge her by her former willingness to touch Marilyn Manson (ewwwww), judge her by her not being Kirsten Dunst. To be honest, I don't really care who she touches, so long as she makes it to Broadway with me in the front row, crying and trying to make out with somebody, anybody.

Girl power depowered

So you're Catherine Hardwicke and your the director of Twilight, a movie I've had a troubled relationship with (sight unseen I hate it). You've just had the highest opening for a movie directed by a female ever, you're out promoting the European leg of the release, and everybody is abuzz about the next big-screen installment of the female-fan-driven franchise. Then comes news that you ain't comin' back next time around and they're going to give the job to Chris Weitz, who last directed the giant flaming ball of suck that was The Golden Compass. Do you:

A.) Scream and cry while ripping apart your officially licensed Golden Compass polar bear footie pajamas (and in doing so, prove the theory that you were "difficult to work with")
B.) Breathe a sigh of relief that you're done with Smelly McSmelly and Ms Smokessomepot and don't have to shoot a stupid sequel to a stupid movie that only gets stupider.
C.) Continue acting like a professional

Hardwicke appears to be choosing C, although she should choose A. My favorite part about this story (and by favorite, I mean "eff you guys") is how FEMALE directors are "difficult" and MALE directors who are difficult are "meticulous artists." She made (by some accounts) a passable movie about bullshit. That story had NOTHING going for it and she made it at least happen without people bleeding from their eyes. From all accounts, her directing was the only acceptable part of this atrocity. Beyond all of that, suck it Summit Pictures, for firing a female director who just set a record off of a FEMALE-DRIVEN project. You want all the TV coverage and news reporting on how moms and daughters go together to this film and read the books together and knit "I Love Robert Pattinson" tea coozies together, but you don't have the stones to at least find a FEMALE replacement? Anywhere? Nicely played douchebags.