Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Quick clips for Tuesday December 16

Hot to Tron

I don't care that they're going with the lame-ass Tr2n, which sets a new low for substituting numbers for letters (1567 now means the F word, pass it on), I'm so excited for it that I'm willing to post obscure casting information as an excuse to talk about it. Case in point, The Hollywood Reporter says that Marissa Cooper ("House") has been cast as a worker in the virtual world who tries to fight Master Control Program, the cyber-douche evil villain from the first film (DAMN YOU MASTER CONTROL PROGRAM, DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!) They even provide a link to her picture to prove that she's attractive. There's probably some "Maxim" pictures somewhere online with her hoo-hoos half hanging out or pinched and pushed up to Victorian era proportions. Anyhoo, the important thing is that Jeff Bridges is coming back and that the guy who dresses up like he's in Tron on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" has a reason to live again after all these years. Well, sort of. For those who weren't of the appropriate age or geek persuasion, Tron is a cinematic masterpiece that features shitty computer graphics and full-spandex body suits. Apparently, this new version will feature people other than Bridges in said spandex, making it even more awesome. Tr2n, I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can.

How much Blair can you bear?

Michael Sheen (no relation to any of the Sheens or any of the Michaels, especially Brett...speaking of whom, did you know that a tramp gets an STD every time you say his name? Brett Michaels, Brett Michaels, Brett Michaels. That was for you Julie, Sarah, and Diane) has worked with screenwriter Peter Morgan on The Deal (following Tony Blair's ascension to the pinnacle of UK politics) and The Queen (which was set against Diana's death and nabbed Helen Mirren an Oscar...which she promptly used to star in National Treasure 2 and as a forum to talk about how she doesn't believe that there is a such thing as date rape, so we're going to be needing that back). Now comes word that they're going to collaborate again on what is the single most unintentionally hilarious title ever for any movie in history. Detailing Blair's friendship with Bill Clinton, the movie is called The Special Relationship. Seriously. The Special Relationship. Are you kidding me?! I get that this is based on what Clinton called the partnership, but it sounds like (A) a mentally challenged romantic comedy, (B) a "show me where he touched you Lifetime movie," or (C) a Disney Channel movie featuring the Jonas Brothers. I'll give this to Sheen, he's a good Blair, but I'm hoping this puts an end to a bizarre trilogy before we get to A Very Special Relationship, which explores the "other" part of the Blair/Clinton union.

All fear the purple codpiece

Here's what I remember about 1996's The Phantom, it had Billy Effing Zane in full purple spandex (today's theme) and Catherine Zeta-Jones. One of those things aroused me more than the other (DAMN YOU ZANE!!!). Now comes word that they're going to bring back the purple-suited superhero (whose powers I don't remember) because every comic property is now seen as valuable despite the limited number that actually are. With a budget of almost $90 million, the film will focus on the "father/son relationship" and will be called The Phantom Legacy, which sounds every bit as thrilling as I remember the original to be. I don't know if this is a sequel, prequel, sidequel, or any other quel, but I do know that Zane is free if they need him. Also, Zeta-Jones wants out of the house too, because it's starting to smell like old people in there. You know I'm never going to bag on another superhero movie because it's just so cool to see such a frenzy for them, but there ARE comics I see on the shelf each week and pass by because they suck. Perhaps studios should consider that fact before greenlighting everything in tights and capes, especially when they tried it once before and it ruined the promising career of a talented thespian like Billy Zane. Billy Zane. There, I hit my target for using his name.
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