Quick clips for Thursday January 29

I'll say it again: So long as he really lights his head on fire

Look, I could dance around this or I could just come right out and say it: Nic Cage wants to make Ghost Rider 2. Yes, it's real. Bloodydisgusting.com broke this latest sign of the apocalypse just yesterday and...and I want you to look on the bright side. See, right now it's just a concept Cage is pushing with no writer attached (I know, that didn't stop them last time). So, I guess there's a chance, however small, that this may not happen....okay, we all know this thing is going to happen. Boy, that tiny wave of optimism sure crested fast. Well then, let's come up with some things that suck worse than the idea of Ghost Rider 2 to make ourselves feel better.

1. Stepping in water while wearing a dry sock
2. Scarlett Johansson's singing career
3. When someone says to you "hey, smell this and tell me if you think it's bad"
4. Teenagers
5. Being the agent assigned to get George W Bush speaking engagements
6. Attending a George W Bush speaking engagement
7. Rex Grossman
8. All other Nic Cage movies
9. Elevator flatulence
10. Anything that ends with "in the City"

There, don't we feel better? Well, feel free to submit your own or you'd best get to setting yourself on fire then.

Don't worry, The Green Hornet may still happen...and may include Adam Sandler

What a difference a few days make: Lots of places (including here) are now reporting that The Green Hornet's demise (much like rumors about what that one girl in high school was willing to do) was greatly exaggerated. Now, Stephen Chow's involvement is all shades of up in the air (which is sad, because I know of few others who could be Kato...say it with me now "please God no Chan, please God no Chan"), including whether or not he's stepping behind or in front of the camera. But don't you worry, reports are confirming that the movie is still going forward and that Adam Sandler has a cameo as another superhero. Wait, hold on, vomit is knocking on the uvula...and choking it back, thinking of gumdrops and happy times, thinking of Bears making the playoffs next year, thinking of Lisa Rinna, oh God vomit returning, vomit advancing its front to the throat-al area, and....okay, we're back. Chud.com has a few theories about who Assam Sadler may play, including The Lone Ranger (who was revealed to be the Green Hornet's grandfather, no shit). I think that seems most likely, as any other choice would ruin a potential use of that superhero in another movie. Because once you've been portrayed by Assam, nobody else wants to play you. I guess this also gives insight into that whole "funny vs serious" thing people have been debating about the movie. Yes, Sandler has played serious, but no way he cameos as a serious superhero when he's currently got the physique of a rotting pear.

Lost Recap: "Jughead"

Wanna know what pure joy looks like? See my face during the line reading "Put the gun down, Widmore." I peed a little (okay, a lot).

Well, well, well my friends, "Lost" is back in a big way and isn't pissing away any episodes so far this season (although, I am a little worried about next week's "give us the baby, Kate" "we've gotta go back to the island, guys" "trust me even though I'm Ben" episode...we've kinda been exploring those ideas for a long time now, surprise me). As someone out there put it, "this would have been the Jack's tattoo episode a few years ago." Instead, we get a ball-rocking Desmond episode that introduces us to some severely cool shiz-nit (including said drool-inducing moment mentioned at the top). Oh, and I missed just about every prediction for the episode other than the building sex-tension between Sawyer and Juliet. Set your doink-countdown clocks. Okey-dokey, let's do this all organized and stuff.

Things that happened (and we learned) in "Jughead:"

1. Desmond and Penny have a baby and name it Charlie. I'm not going to make you wait for an entire episode to find out that name like the writers did because I just assume you could figure it out right away. Oh, I thought it was sweet, on account of the heroin-addled rocker giving his life for the two of them to reunite (although, creepy because its the same name as her evil pappa).
2. Desmond is intent on acting on the new memory from Farraday. This leads to an interesting side note, how cool is the whole creating new memories thing. I am not sure how the science mumbo jumbo behind it works, but I don't care. I like that they do something NOW and someone gets an instant memory. It rules. Anyway, Des wants to find Farraday's mammy (more on her later) and goes to Oxford. What? No Farraday has ever worked there?! Right silly secretary lady, we know better.
3. Meanwhile, back on the island, we find out that Richard is like really, really good at aging because he looks 30 in 1954 AND in 2008. A bunch of "others" snag Miles, Farraday, and redhead with the too-small face for her head and accuse them of being American soldiers, which makes me think that Richard is dumber than I thought. He mentions the giant swinging hydrogen bomb that needs to be disarmed, Farraday says he will but he can't and reveals he's in love with tiny face (who is totally dying of time sickness).
4. Des finds Farraday's old lab, hears about "what Farraday did to that poor girl," finds said poor girl in a coma state, discovers (as usual) it's all about Widmore, marches into his in-laws pad, demands Farraday's mammy's address (and gets it), and Widmore gives him a cryptic and ominous warning to stay away (he's genuinely afraid that someone, cough Ben cough, is going to off Penny). Des returns and tells Pen (eventually) that they're headed to LA too (which is where Farraday's moms, Sun, Jack, Ben, Locke's corpse, Kate, Aaron, Hurley, and Sayid are....nobody still gives a shit about Walt).
5. On the island, Farraday notices that the 16-year-old gal with the gun looks familiar. Her name is Ellie...short for Eloise? The name of his rat, which was likely named after...HIS MOM! Yeah, lots of people are calling this one, gun-toting tot is totally his moms. Oh, and Widmore was an other and Locke met him. Actually, I skipped my favorite scene (no, not small-face bleeding from her nose), it was Locke saying to Alpert that he's going to be born and that he should train him.
   

See what's happening here is that we're getting the means by which to answer questions or at least speculate definitive theories. Remember for years how we're all like "how did whoever is orchestrating this get all those people on the plane together?" and "how do the others know everything about these guys?" We know now. Just like Locke told Richard to find out about him (which explains Richard's visit to a child Locke...and his question about "what is his" of the items he placed in front of the kid, as Locke will likely leave something behind at some point), now we know that the reason the others could know everything about the plane victims was because they were following them for their whole lives. They are tipped to their names in the past, so they know to pay attention to them. Hell, even the "list" that Ben and the others were using in the first two seasons makes sense. The ones on the "list" are the ones who they know about given the time travel stuff. The other big thing is the bomb. You know damn well that's coming back into play here. I'm hoping it isn't the series finale that they destroy the island, but I smell a season finale boom-boom coming. Now, there are still questions I don't know: who is Jacob? Why does Locke have to die off the island? How does coming back actually fix everything? But things are moving people. I'm going to go ahead and say next week's episode won't be quite as good, but you know I'm counting down the seconds.