Quick clips for Tuesday January 20
Idiot gets rights to smart thing
Hey, sorry for the lack of update yesterday...but we all know you weren't exactly sitting around unsure of what to do until you heard from me. What's that? You were? Wow, you depend on me that much. Huh, well then, my first commandment to you is to punch someone who saw Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Punch em hard...and if they move, punch them again. If they don't move, feel free to kick them. More on that later. Actually, this is a post about how Variety is reporting that one of the worst idiots to ever be an idiot (Roland Emmerich...not the former president, Lord does that feel good to say) is set to direct an incredibly smart book, one that is so smart that it has remained off the big screen because adapting it has proved to difficult. I am speaking of Isaac Asimov's "Foundation" trilogy, which follows the rise and fall of galactic civilization. This is the equivalent of asking a monkey to crack the quantum physics theorem you can't quite figure out. The funny thing is that the rights were at Fox (who could be thwarted as an organization by a well-timed game of "got your nose" during a board meeting) AND Warner Bros, reminiscent of the awful Watchmen stalemate. Not wanting to repeat that clusterfrak, Warners waited for the rights to lapse entirely...and Columbia promptly swooped in and claimed them, with plans to give them to the mind behind 10,000 BC. Seriously, after that debacle he should be put down Old Yeller style, not given a beloved and well-written sci-fi opus. Ugh. On this day full of hope, here we are talking about Emmerich making another movie. Poor timing really.
Turn your eyes away, political content
How could I not at least touch on what it is everyone is focusing on today? As is documented everywhere I've written anything, I'll come clean again and admit that I've supported and followed Barack Obama's career for years now. This isn't just a guy I wanted elected, this is THE guy I wanted elected. I could go on and on and on about what it means to me, what it means to the black community, what it means to America, what it means to the world. But if you have an eye or two and an ear or two or any combination thereof, you have heard such philosophizing from people smarter and better spoken than me. So let's talk about something that nobody else has been talking about: Movies. Say what now? Well, it's like this. Movie is an art form, and the job of good artists is to reflect the time that is in front of them. I don't care if its a cartoon, a documentary, a period piece, whatever it is, it is still a reflection of the time in which the art is created. That's why we've seen The Dark Knight, No Country for Old Men and so on and so forth. Not just because they were good, but because their serious and dire tone was reflective of the time in which we lived. It was a mirror held up to the darkness that we were feeling after 9/11, mired in a complex and dangerous world and led by someone that we had no confidence in. We were frightened, depressed, and scared and our art was a testament to that. Thus, today, when I get emails from bosses and friends and family and strangers about how awesome the sight is of this inauguration, about how hopeful everyone feels, about how in tune everyone is with the positive energy that is flowing from Washington, I can only hope that we begin to see art in film that is more optimistic, that is not feel-good schmaltzy, but looks forward and sees beauty and opportunity. Is it possible that we'll be given more Dark Knights because of that film's success, you betcha. But I'm dreaming of a world in which, for even a year or so (maybe in 2010), we are smiling leaving the theater. What a great day, what a great time for our country. Feel good today, feel good tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something good. Oh, and in case I didn't say it explicitly, thank God for Obama!
Weekend Box Office: You Blarted me
From now on, I'm going to use the term "Blarted" to define the phenomenon of a shitty, shitty movie making it to number one at the box office. "Did you hear about Stupid People Hitting Themselves in the Face?" "Yeah, it blarted its way to number one." Seriously, what the hell people. I am glad that I was able to get the top 5 correct, if in the wrong amounts, but what the hell? WHAT THE HELL? When I went to the theater this Friday, it was so jam packed that I couldn't believe it. Then it hit me: People really do WANT to see movies in January. It's not a bad time, it's a GOOD time to release things. What I'm saying is, can you imagine if they gave us something of quality and didn't blart us, how many people would have showed up? It would have been so packed we couldn't get in. You know what, I'm going to stop bitching, I love today, I'm watching the inauguration, so all is well. I can't believe I'm going to associate blarting with Obama's first day as president. Arrrrgggh!!!!!
Here are the results:
1.) Paul Blart: Mall Cop - $32 million (Accuracy of prediction - 26%)
Find a happy place...Barack is president. Bush is gone. Blart is number one...AAARRRRRGH!!! Kevin James is a sack of crap. There goes my optimism...damn you BLART!!!!
2.) Gran Torino - $22 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)
Clint Eastwood's last film he's starring in just may be the biggest he's had in a long time. It's going to FLY by $100 million. Helped even more if he gets the obligatory "hey, you're Clint Eastwood" nominations at the Oscars. Impressive. I mean, it sucks and it's really nothing to be proud of, but if you like his other crap, this crap seems just as good.
3.) My Bloody Valentine - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)
Raise your hand if you figured four movies would cross $20 million this weekend. Everyone with their hand up is a liar. The cool thing is, I think this solidifies how vital the 3D medium will be for adult fare. I can't wait to see stuff flying at me in three dimensions that I actually want to see. Insert obligatory Scarlett Johansson joke here.
4.) Notorious - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)
You people really love Biggie, huh? Enough to see a crappy dramatization of his life and everything. I don't know if I'm impressed or depressed but there's some kind of essed happening.
5.) Hotel for Dogs - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 74%)
On the one hand, the dog movie flopped. On the other, BLAAAARRRRRTTT!!!!
Overall accuracy of prediction - 69%
Not a huge failure, but a failure nonetheless. I wonder how this stacks up against people paid to do this. I'm guessing I'm just as close as they are. In fact, let's say I'm better. I'm still happy today.
Hey, sorry for the lack of update yesterday...but we all know you weren't exactly sitting around unsure of what to do until you heard from me. What's that? You were? Wow, you depend on me that much. Huh, well then, my first commandment to you is to punch someone who saw Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Punch em hard...and if they move, punch them again. If they don't move, feel free to kick them. More on that later. Actually, this is a post about how Variety is reporting that one of the worst idiots to ever be an idiot (Roland Emmerich...not the former president, Lord does that feel good to say) is set to direct an incredibly smart book, one that is so smart that it has remained off the big screen because adapting it has proved to difficult. I am speaking of Isaac Asimov's "Foundation" trilogy, which follows the rise and fall of galactic civilization. This is the equivalent of asking a monkey to crack the quantum physics theorem you can't quite figure out. The funny thing is that the rights were at Fox (who could be thwarted as an organization by a well-timed game of "got your nose" during a board meeting) AND Warner Bros, reminiscent of the awful Watchmen stalemate. Not wanting to repeat that clusterfrak, Warners waited for the rights to lapse entirely...and Columbia promptly swooped in and claimed them, with plans to give them to the mind behind 10,000 BC. Seriously, after that debacle he should be put down Old Yeller style, not given a beloved and well-written sci-fi opus. Ugh. On this day full of hope, here we are talking about Emmerich making another movie. Poor timing really.
Turn your eyes away, political content
How could I not at least touch on what it is everyone is focusing on today? As is documented everywhere I've written anything, I'll come clean again and admit that I've supported and followed Barack Obama's career for years now. This isn't just a guy I wanted elected, this is THE guy I wanted elected. I could go on and on and on about what it means to me, what it means to the black community, what it means to America, what it means to the world. But if you have an eye or two and an ear or two or any combination thereof, you have heard such philosophizing from people smarter and better spoken than me. So let's talk about something that nobody else has been talking about: Movies. Say what now? Well, it's like this. Movie is an art form, and the job of good artists is to reflect the time that is in front of them. I don't care if its a cartoon, a documentary, a period piece, whatever it is, it is still a reflection of the time in which the art is created. That's why we've seen The Dark Knight, No Country for Old Men and so on and so forth. Not just because they were good, but because their serious and dire tone was reflective of the time in which we lived. It was a mirror held up to the darkness that we were feeling after 9/11, mired in a complex and dangerous world and led by someone that we had no confidence in. We were frightened, depressed, and scared and our art was a testament to that. Thus, today, when I get emails from bosses and friends and family and strangers about how awesome the sight is of this inauguration, about how hopeful everyone feels, about how in tune everyone is with the positive energy that is flowing from Washington, I can only hope that we begin to see art in film that is more optimistic, that is not feel-good schmaltzy, but looks forward and sees beauty and opportunity. Is it possible that we'll be given more Dark Knights because of that film's success, you betcha. But I'm dreaming of a world in which, for even a year or so (maybe in 2010), we are smiling leaving the theater. What a great day, what a great time for our country. Feel good today, feel good tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something good. Oh, and in case I didn't say it explicitly, thank God for Obama!
Weekend Box Office: You Blarted me
From now on, I'm going to use the term "Blarted" to define the phenomenon of a shitty, shitty movie making it to number one at the box office. "Did you hear about Stupid People Hitting Themselves in the Face?" "Yeah, it blarted its way to number one." Seriously, what the hell people. I am glad that I was able to get the top 5 correct, if in the wrong amounts, but what the hell? WHAT THE HELL? When I went to the theater this Friday, it was so jam packed that I couldn't believe it. Then it hit me: People really do WANT to see movies in January. It's not a bad time, it's a GOOD time to release things. What I'm saying is, can you imagine if they gave us something of quality and didn't blart us, how many people would have showed up? It would have been so packed we couldn't get in. You know what, I'm going to stop bitching, I love today, I'm watching the inauguration, so all is well. I can't believe I'm going to associate blarting with Obama's first day as president. Arrrrgggh!!!!!
Here are the results:
1.) Paul Blart: Mall Cop - $32 million (Accuracy of prediction - 26%)
Find a happy place...Barack is president. Bush is gone. Blart is number one...AAARRRRRGH!!! Kevin James is a sack of crap. There goes my optimism...damn you BLART!!!!
2.) Gran Torino - $22 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)
Clint Eastwood's last film he's starring in just may be the biggest he's had in a long time. It's going to FLY by $100 million. Helped even more if he gets the obligatory "hey, you're Clint Eastwood" nominations at the Oscars. Impressive. I mean, it sucks and it's really nothing to be proud of, but if you like his other crap, this crap seems just as good.
3.) My Bloody Valentine - $21 million (Accuracy of prediction - 83%)
Raise your hand if you figured four movies would cross $20 million this weekend. Everyone with their hand up is a liar. The cool thing is, I think this solidifies how vital the 3D medium will be for adult fare. I can't wait to see stuff flying at me in three dimensions that I actually want to see. Insert obligatory Scarlett Johansson joke here.
4.) Notorious - $20 million (Accuracy of prediction - 80%)
You people really love Biggie, huh? Enough to see a crappy dramatization of his life and everything. I don't know if I'm impressed or depressed but there's some kind of essed happening.
5.) Hotel for Dogs - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 74%)
On the one hand, the dog movie flopped. On the other, BLAAAARRRRRTTT!!!!
Overall accuracy of prediction - 69%
Not a huge failure, but a failure nonetheless. I wonder how this stacks up against people paid to do this. I'm guessing I'm just as close as they are. In fact, let's say I'm better. I'm still happy today.
posted by Ryan at
9:44 AM
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