Quick clips for Wednesday January 28

This is really just an excuse to post a Rob Liefeld drawing

I could list about a million reasons why Chud.com is MUST read every day for me (ranging from the frequent invocation of Nazis waterskiing, to their repeated assertion that fans of Twilight be brutally and publicly savaged). Today's reason is this: In reporting that Will Smith is being targeted for a futuristic adaptation of the story of Samson and Delilah by director Francis Lawerence, the gang at Chud (to give credit where it is due, a message board member named Abbott & Prospero), they showed me this:

Tell me, what does a cyber kick to the eye feel like? That drawing was for Liefeld's proposed comic book of the old testament. No shit. My favorite is the note that says he based the drawing on Will Smith....um, in that he's black? I have no possible clue what other feature would be inspired by the Fresh Prince or his wife, who I guess is the red-headed chick wearing half of a crystal ball on her head? I mean, at least she doesn't have a feather duster glued to her cranium like her hubby does or have his manhood covered by a long placemat. Sigh, whatever could have resulted in the demise of Liefeld's career as a comic artist? Don't tell me it involves a desire to see anything resembling the accurate anatomy of a human being, because if I'm going to see an illustration, I want the legs gloriously and hideously out of proportion. That's all I will accept. Anyway, with that illustration in mind, suck on the fact that a couple of schmucks pitched Warner Brothers on a futuristic take of the strong guy whose power is in his hair (or feather duster, if the image above is inspiration) and got seven figures for it. Just a friendly reminder that in this economy, you're the only one who is frakked.

How long must a man wait for a fool to be pitied?

After John Singleton failed to deliver an "A-Team" adaptation that successfully included both the yin of a grumpy tough guy with a fear of flying with the yang of a group of mercenaries who somehow only shoot tires and engine blocks, he was dumped worse than a guy who yells the wrong name during whoopee. Cue Joe Carnahan, who Variety says has been brought in to provide a flick that is somehow faithful to the original characters and more action based. Ridley and Tony Scott are producing, and you know what, I'll be damned if I'm not happy about all of this. Bear with me here: I know popular sentiment is that remakes suck (they do) and that tinkering with the success of what made said older property famous is usually a recipe for disaster (so is my recipe for "Hot-to-Trot Salmonella bread). That said, despite an affinity for the A-team (specifically Hannibal and his "plans), I recognize how crappy it was, how flimsy the idea was, and how potentially fun it could be. And I'll be damned if Carnahan isn't kind-of sort-of the right guy to do it. More action is more better, moving them from Vietnam vets to Gulf vets just makes sense, and you know they're keeping the six things that matter (BA's fear of flying, Face's nailing of ladies, Murdock's craziness, Hannibal's plans, the van, and the song). Now, let the casting rumors begin: I'm going to call one or two outright: Murdock will be Ryan Reynolds (which I'm cool with) and BA will be Michael Clarke Duncan (but it should be Ving Rhames). What about Harrison Ford as Hannibal (he'd do it, he needs the cash) and Ryan Gosling as Face? I'm good at this. At any rate, I'm going to go hum the theme song for the rest of the afternoon.

Lost blog: Predictions for "Jughead"

For those unfamiliar with my obsession, Wednesdays are dedicated to little else beyond my watching of "Lost," my thinking of watching "Lost," my theorizing about "Lost," and my blogging about "Lost." Don't believe me? I was sick Monday so my week was thrown off, thus it feels like Tuesday to me. This morning, while in the shower, I realized it was Wednesday and actually verbally exclaimed "Oh my God, 'Lost' is on tonight." My wife ran in and yelled "are you okay, I heard you say 'Oh my God.'" And there you have it, that's the depths of my obsession.

I used to do recaps and previews on the same day, but I like the freedom of doing a recap on Thursday and a preview on Wednesday, so that's what we're doing. Without further ado, I present: Things I think will happen in "Jughead."

1.) We're going to see Desmond reunite with Ms. Hawkings (aka, the creepy white-haired, candle lighting, pendulum swinging, Ben-conspiring-with time wench). Now that we know Ben is working with the shebeast, we know she's not to be trusted...or is she? Okay, now comes the first of many Ryan side-note diatribes...remember waaaaay back when Ben told Jack and the gang that "we're the good guys." I have, for awhile now, wondered how true this is. Yes, he's creepy (partially because God gave him buggy eyes), yes he lies, but he also went down and pushed the donkey wheel and exiled himself from the island...and he loved his daughter. What if...what if he's "good" and Widmore is the real evil? Just saying, it's possible.

2.) We're still not going to see Walt and nobody is going to point out that he should "go back" to the island too. I saw the actor who played him in a pizza pocket commercial yesterday, so he's probably free if the producers want to go ahead and wrap that storyline up.

3.) If you aren't reading Doc Jensen at EW and are instead just reading me...shame on you. That guy is THE BEST at what he does...and he draws some INSANE conclusions about tonight's episode...just insane. So, my prediction is that you are going to check that shit out right now.

4.) Sayid will wake from his coma and kill someone. Preferably not Cheech.

5.) Farraday and Desmond will cross paths again. I'm thinking still in the past for Desmond but in the present for Farraday.

6.) I think we're going to be introduced more to this season's big climax in the form of the "window" that Ms. Hawkings was discussing. We're going to be building to that moment of "convergence."

7.) We're going to find out that two characters that we didn't know were connected are connected. I don't know who, but my gut tells me we're going to get a "holy crap" moment tonight.

8.) I'm going to love this episode because it's Desmond-centric. Oh, another prediction, this show HINGES on Desmond. His specialness is crucial.

9.) These guesses have been weak, so I'm going to go on a limb on this one and say we see Smokey tonight and find out something huge about it.

10.) We're going to see the first tiny inklings of Sawyer/Juliet hooking up. It's gonna happen, dudes a sex dynamo, that energy has to go somewhere.

That's it, I invite your comments and predictions and tune back in tomorrow for a recap!