Quick clips for Wednesday February 18
Just when you think it can't, The Expendables gets more awesomer
I have spilled much cyber ink praising the impending cinematic equivalent of a steel-toed-boot-junk-kick that is The Expendables. Why? Because it has the potential to be one of the most transformational experiences not involving the loss of your virginity. When news came this week that Mickey Rourke was a definite in, I was excited. When it was leaked that Ben Kingsley's role would be filmed by Eric Roberts (yes, thank you, if you've ever played a pacifist or had a single pacifistic thought in your life, you aren't even allowed to see this movie), I was elated. But now that Aintitcool.com has reported that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be appearing in the movie...I can't breathe. Sonnets must be written praising this development. Viagra should no longer be produced as it is totally unnecessary; when a man needs help with that all he needs to do is think about the upcoming Stallone, Lundgren, Li, Statham, Rourke, Whittaker, Roberts, Schwarzenegger movie and he'll be able to penetrate an armored delivery truck. Now, Arnie is supposedly going to play himself in the cameo, but that doesn't mean he still can't do something like kill a man for looking at him funny. I think we should also point out once more that Jean Claude Van Damme should have his testes permit repealed for having passed on this film...IN ORDER TO DO BLOODSPORT 2: BLOODSPORTIER. Not that he would have had the necessary testosteronicity to handle the role...that's what Eric Roberts is for. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go countdown the days until I'm watching this before humping a Wells Fargo truck.
Not all fan films involve perversity
You have to love the modern world we live in. Anybody can be a filmmaker, provided they have the desire. Now, that doesn't mean they're very good, but sometimes...sometimes they are. When it comes to nerd materials (by which I mean superheroes, sci-fi, and fantasy), fanfilms are a staple. They usually involve (A) some crazy stupid sexual pairings ("Dude, check out Spock dorking Kirk," Yes, that's a real one), (B) ridiculously geeky scenarios ("What if Batman fought the Predator AND Aliens," that one really exists as well), or (C) plotlines that couldn't fit into a bigger movie. For every 100 terrible, Superman-and-Wonder-Woman-doin'-it movie, you get one of the following:
THE HUNT FOR GOLLUM - FULL Trailer 1 from Independent Online Cinema on Vimeo.
Now, that is pretty obviously a labor of love. Made for $3,000, this 40-minute short was taken from the appendices of the Tolkien novels and will be provided for free on May 3 at the Web site listed above. This free business is why they aren't being sued. How cool is that? I mean, if I saw a preview like that in the theater I may be inclined to go and I KNOW for sure two of my friends will be sure to catch it. This is what makes me feel all good and tingly inside: People with talent who love something enough to do it for free just because they wanna. Loves it. Happy Wednesday.
Lost Preview: "316"
After having Smokey make such a prominent appearance last time out, I can't use my go-to first prediction this week. So, I guess I'm going to have to get, I don't know, intelligent about this. That sucks. Oh, side note, the last episode of "Battlestar Galactica" raised the bar for my hopes regarding the end of "Lost." Basically, what happened last night was the equivalent of Ben sitting down with Jack and Kate and going "Okay, so the island was made at this time, this date, does the following things, and here's the deal with Smokey." Yes, it was a lot to wrap my brain around, but I loved it. Just saying, "Lost" had best bring it if it wants the mantle of my favorite show ever. Side-side note, my friend Andrew questioned whether that most recent B-Star episode had been written by Doc Jensen it was so cerebral. This is funny, and means I must once more suggest you check out Doc's column at Ew.com today. It's really, really deliciously good, especially if you've read CS Lewis extensively. I mean EXTENSIVELY. I wish I got paid to study minutia in my favorite TV show.
Predictions for "316"
1.) We aren't lied to: The first wave of the Oceanic 6 goes back to the island tonight. I'm going to say Jack, Kate, and Sun go, but Hurley and Sayid do not...yet.
2.) Somebody is going to at least mention Walt. Even though they won't ask the logical question "WHY THE HELL DOESN'T HE HAVE TO GO BACK?!" Plus, somebody has to explain the whole "if they die, it's cool" thing. If death is also a balancing out of the whole space-time continuum, why wouldn't Ben just waste these muthas?
3.) Ms. Hawkings will reveal something about Desmond's role. He won't go back to the island because he has to play a special part off the island. I'm thinking that whatever happened to put HER on Ben's side and NOT Widmore's side has to do with Desmond. How interesting is it that Widmore may have had OTHER reasons not to like Desmond for his daughter. If he had knowledge of the future, he'd know that Desmond has some crazy things ahead of him.
4.) Sayid will kill somebody in a crazy cool way in an attempt to save Hurley. That's pretty much all he's doing these days. Side note: It's time to make my favorite characters cool again. I don't care what it takes. I love Sayid the Assassin, but I also love Sayid the smart guy who is always more right than Jack. I also miss Kate doing things other than saying "you leave my baby alone." This is the episode we need to start having CHARACTERS come back. We've done good getting some mythology going, now give us our boys and girls back.
5.) The island IS done hopping, the gang on the island will meet up with Alpert and the others, and will be shocked when they run into Jack and some of the gang. It should be emotional.
That's all I got. Not too crazy, but we're going to get nutty next week, with John Locke's off-island story in "The Life and Death of Jeremy Benthem" (ie, the episode I'm waiting for). Oh, but one more:
6.) I think Locke was resurrected last week. I don't have a good explanation, but I could have sworn when he unstuck the donkey wheel they cut to the coffin being open. So I think he's now alive. I'm guessing here.
I have spilled much cyber ink praising the impending cinematic equivalent of a steel-toed-boot-junk-kick that is The Expendables. Why? Because it has the potential to be one of the most transformational experiences not involving the loss of your virginity. When news came this week that Mickey Rourke was a definite in, I was excited. When it was leaked that Ben Kingsley's role would be filmed by Eric Roberts (yes, thank you, if you've ever played a pacifist or had a single pacifistic thought in your life, you aren't even allowed to see this movie), I was elated. But now that Aintitcool.com has reported that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be appearing in the movie...I can't breathe. Sonnets must be written praising this development. Viagra should no longer be produced as it is totally unnecessary; when a man needs help with that all he needs to do is think about the upcoming Stallone, Lundgren, Li, Statham, Rourke, Whittaker, Roberts, Schwarzenegger movie and he'll be able to penetrate an armored delivery truck. Now, Arnie is supposedly going to play himself in the cameo, but that doesn't mean he still can't do something like kill a man for looking at him funny. I think we should also point out once more that Jean Claude Van Damme should have his testes permit repealed for having passed on this film...IN ORDER TO DO BLOODSPORT 2: BLOODSPORTIER. Not that he would have had the necessary testosteronicity to handle the role...that's what Eric Roberts is for. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go countdown the days until I'm watching this before humping a Wells Fargo truck.
Not all fan films involve perversity
You have to love the modern world we live in. Anybody can be a filmmaker, provided they have the desire. Now, that doesn't mean they're very good, but sometimes...sometimes they are. When it comes to nerd materials (by which I mean superheroes, sci-fi, and fantasy), fanfilms are a staple. They usually involve (A) some crazy stupid sexual pairings ("Dude, check out Spock dorking Kirk," Yes, that's a real one), (B) ridiculously geeky scenarios ("What if Batman fought the Predator AND Aliens," that one really exists as well), or (C) plotlines that couldn't fit into a bigger movie. For every 100 terrible, Superman-and-Wonder-Woman-doin'-it movie, you get one of the following:
THE HUNT FOR GOLLUM - FULL Trailer 1 from Independent Online Cinema on Vimeo.
Now, that is pretty obviously a labor of love. Made for $3,000, this 40-minute short was taken from the appendices of the Tolkien novels and will be provided for free on May 3 at the Web site listed above. This free business is why they aren't being sued. How cool is that? I mean, if I saw a preview like that in the theater I may be inclined to go and I KNOW for sure two of my friends will be sure to catch it. This is what makes me feel all good and tingly inside: People with talent who love something enough to do it for free just because they wanna. Loves it. Happy Wednesday.
Lost Preview: "316"
After having Smokey make such a prominent appearance last time out, I can't use my go-to first prediction this week. So, I guess I'm going to have to get, I don't know, intelligent about this. That sucks. Oh, side note, the last episode of "Battlestar Galactica" raised the bar for my hopes regarding the end of "Lost." Basically, what happened last night was the equivalent of Ben sitting down with Jack and Kate and going "Okay, so the island was made at this time, this date, does the following things, and here's the deal with Smokey." Yes, it was a lot to wrap my brain around, but I loved it. Just saying, "Lost" had best bring it if it wants the mantle of my favorite show ever. Side-side note, my friend Andrew questioned whether that most recent B-Star episode had been written by Doc Jensen it was so cerebral. This is funny, and means I must once more suggest you check out Doc's column at Ew.com today. It's really, really deliciously good, especially if you've read CS Lewis extensively. I mean EXTENSIVELY. I wish I got paid to study minutia in my favorite TV show.
Predictions for "316"
1.) We aren't lied to: The first wave of the Oceanic 6 goes back to the island tonight. I'm going to say Jack, Kate, and Sun go, but Hurley and Sayid do not...yet.
2.) Somebody is going to at least mention Walt. Even though they won't ask the logical question "WHY THE HELL DOESN'T HE HAVE TO GO BACK?!" Plus, somebody has to explain the whole "if they die, it's cool" thing. If death is also a balancing out of the whole space-time continuum, why wouldn't Ben just waste these muthas?
3.) Ms. Hawkings will reveal something about Desmond's role. He won't go back to the island because he has to play a special part off the island. I'm thinking that whatever happened to put HER on Ben's side and NOT Widmore's side has to do with Desmond. How interesting is it that Widmore may have had OTHER reasons not to like Desmond for his daughter. If he had knowledge of the future, he'd know that Desmond has some crazy things ahead of him.
4.) Sayid will kill somebody in a crazy cool way in an attempt to save Hurley. That's pretty much all he's doing these days. Side note: It's time to make my favorite characters cool again. I don't care what it takes. I love Sayid the Assassin, but I also love Sayid the smart guy who is always more right than Jack. I also miss Kate doing things other than saying "you leave my baby alone." This is the episode we need to start having CHARACTERS come back. We've done good getting some mythology going, now give us our boys and girls back.
5.) The island IS done hopping, the gang on the island will meet up with Alpert and the others, and will be shocked when they run into Jack and some of the gang. It should be emotional.
That's all I got. Not too crazy, but we're going to get nutty next week, with John Locke's off-island story in "The Life and Death of Jeremy Benthem" (ie, the episode I'm waiting for). Oh, but one more:
6.) I think Locke was resurrected last week. I don't have a good explanation, but I could have sworn when he unstuck the donkey wheel they cut to the coffin being open. So I think he's now alive. I'm guessing here.
posted by Ryan at
9:06 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home