Friday-free-for-all
Twitwar 2009
And so it was that on Thursday, the sixteenth of April, in the year of our Lord (okay, fine, your Lord too) two-thousand-and-nine, a great battle began. Spreading across the three great movie-blog nations (Aintitcool.com, Slashfilm.com, and Chud.com), the verbal mayhem and type-written violence was launched, not with an arrow or gunshot, but a tweet. Basically, a group of comedians, The Human Giant, decided they would twitter (tweet, twat, twote, whatever) during the premiere of Crank 2: High Voltage, perhaps the only movie that could be summarized (or written) in less than 200 characters. This shot across the bow of people who hate the dipshits who ALREADY have invented enough stupid horseplay to do in theaters to distract people actually watching the movies caused quite an online ruckus. Harry, the head geek at Aintitcool.com, and Devin, one of the heads of Chud.com, agreed that this action (while presumably funny) could have some actual shitty consequences. Basically, if people find this amusing that these comedians did it, they'll start doing it themselves. Don't believe them? How many Borat impressions have you heard recently? Meanwhile Peter Sciretta at Slashfilm.com took the opposite view, that we need to chill out, basically asking "if nobody cares, is it that big of a deal." Much like Devin pointed out yesterday when he bitch-slapped Slash for their "Top 10 Influential Movies of the Last 10 Years" post (mostly because it was terrible), I need to mention that I think Slash rules. I read it every day, they have great insights, find stuff that nobody else does, and have a great spirit about them. In Twitwar, however, they are totally, colossally moronic and wrong. They physically could not be more incorrect if they tried. First of all, people were bothered. I know this, because people get bothered in a movie theater if someone shakes their popcorn too much. This isn't reasonable, but it is true. People don't always SAY that they're bothered, but they are. So the idea that you know that everyone in the theater was cool with it is bullshit. Second, it isn't about this ONE case. It's about the people who see Jackass and light themselves on fire. Some halfwit is going to read about this, think it's funny, and tweet his way through a showing of a movie I want to see and pay attention to while sitting next to or in front of me. This was going to happen soon enough anyway, we didn't need press releases helping it to happen. Watching movies in a theater gets less and less appealing to people by the second, we really don't need to help them along. Thankfully, I have a solution that is equally as amusing as having everyone twitter during a movie. If you see someone twittering in a movie, punch them in the goddamn face and put the video on youtube. It will be hilarious and still uses technology. Everybody wins.
Weekend Battle Plan: Save a newspaper, watch a movie
So, Russell Fatty Crowe may be the the final thespian to portray a modern newspaperman. Okay, that's stretching it a bit, but State of Play is clearly going to be one of the final entries in the once thriving genre of newspaper journalists who expose a conspiracy that goes ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP! It's hard to imagine someone making a movie about a blogger who ALMOST GETS ALL THE FACTS RIGHT! Although the movie sounds like it would have been far better with the original Brad Pitt/Ed Norton casting, it's worth heading to an intrigue movie with good actors about an interesting subject every once and awhile. Oh, and Rachel McAdams is in it. That should be enough for anyone to see it. Seriously, how is this girl not everywhere doing all of the movies? I like Amy Adams, but how is it McAdams isn't the new "It" actress? She's stunning, charismatic, and talented. If you're thinking about casting Anne Hathaway, see if McAdams is available (unless it's a generic rom com, then call Kate Hudson). Other movies opening include the aforementioned twitter-magnet Crank 2, which seems to be rabidly insane, and 17 Again, which isn't appropriate for human consumption.
My recommendation: Go see State of Play. Support newspapers at least spiritually, since you won't support them monetarily.
On DVD: Okay, when I say you should rent The Spirit, you have to remember two things: (1) I HAVE to recommend any Scarlett Johansson movie, especially one in which she wears ridiculous outfits. (2) It's really funny if you let it be. See, it's an awful, awful, awful movie made by a guy who is about 1/80th as intelligent and talented as he thinks he is. Oh, he's still more talented than most, but just not anywhere near as much as he thinks. I had the same reaction to the opening of this movie (hell, from the first trailer) as I did to his reboot of "Batman and Robin," which was anger and confusion. But then, when you realize it's okay to laugh AT him and AT the project, not with it, it becomes okay again. So either rent it to mock or rent it to Scarlett ogle, I don't care.
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
Well, well, well, here we are again. Once more looking down the barrel of a hazy week destined to give me fits. But you know what, I don't care. The weather is beautiful today, the weekend is upon us, I'm beginning to relax for the first time in weeks, so I'm not going to freak out about a little thing like having no idea how the movies are going to shake out this week. Instead, I'm going to rejoice in the little things, like not watching "Howie Do That" or hoping that the Cubs finally scratch out a win (or show some life). So here's your sunny movie predictions for this weekend:
1.) 17 Again - $21 million
See, I'm not even letting it bother me that a plot more used up than Pamela Anderson is going to be the top movie of the week just because the main star has silky hair and appeals to tween girls and some males of all ages. Nope, I'm just going to note that it's nice Matthew Perry was able to scrape a few bucks up for the sale of his final amount of dignity.
2.) Hannah Montana - $17 million
Sure, I could be really upset about the fact that the horse-toothed, talentless teen bimbo is going to rake in another hefty sum this weekend, but no sir. I'm happy. I'm just going to note that it's nice Billy Ray's breeding was more successful than his singing.
3.) Crank: High Voltage - $15 million
Sure, the first movie should have prevented any sequel and this is really just as stupid as Shoot 'Em Up. But you have to just let these things roll off your back. I'm just going to note that Amy Smart has nice hooters.
4.) Monsters vs Aliens - $14 million
Sure, I could note that this is blocking out that newspaper movie I talked to you about earlier or that it's on pace to be so successful that Dreamworks animation will never feel the need to add quality writing to their process. I'm just going to note that 3D is the coolest, non-addictive way to have shapes fly at your face when they aren't really.
5.) Fast and Furious - $13 million
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have anything bad to say about such a quality franchise. You go Vin Diesel. No seriously. Go.
And so it was that on Thursday, the sixteenth of April, in the year of our Lord (okay, fine, your Lord too) two-thousand-and-nine, a great battle began. Spreading across the three great movie-blog nations (Aintitcool.com, Slashfilm.com, and Chud.com), the verbal mayhem and type-written violence was launched, not with an arrow or gunshot, but a tweet. Basically, a group of comedians, The Human Giant, decided they would twitter (tweet, twat, twote, whatever) during the premiere of Crank 2: High Voltage, perhaps the only movie that could be summarized (or written) in less than 200 characters. This shot across the bow of people who hate the dipshits who ALREADY have invented enough stupid horseplay to do in theaters to distract people actually watching the movies caused quite an online ruckus. Harry, the head geek at Aintitcool.com, and Devin, one of the heads of Chud.com, agreed that this action (while presumably funny) could have some actual shitty consequences. Basically, if people find this amusing that these comedians did it, they'll start doing it themselves. Don't believe them? How many Borat impressions have you heard recently? Meanwhile Peter Sciretta at Slashfilm.com took the opposite view, that we need to chill out, basically asking "if nobody cares, is it that big of a deal." Much like Devin pointed out yesterday when he bitch-slapped Slash for their "Top 10 Influential Movies of the Last 10 Years" post (mostly because it was terrible), I need to mention that I think Slash rules. I read it every day, they have great insights, find stuff that nobody else does, and have a great spirit about them. In Twitwar, however, they are totally, colossally moronic and wrong. They physically could not be more incorrect if they tried. First of all, people were bothered. I know this, because people get bothered in a movie theater if someone shakes their popcorn too much. This isn't reasonable, but it is true. People don't always SAY that they're bothered, but they are. So the idea that you know that everyone in the theater was cool with it is bullshit. Second, it isn't about this ONE case. It's about the people who see Jackass and light themselves on fire. Some halfwit is going to read about this, think it's funny, and tweet his way through a showing of a movie I want to see and pay attention to while sitting next to or in front of me. This was going to happen soon enough anyway, we didn't need press releases helping it to happen. Watching movies in a theater gets less and less appealing to people by the second, we really don't need to help them along. Thankfully, I have a solution that is equally as amusing as having everyone twitter during a movie. If you see someone twittering in a movie, punch them in the goddamn face and put the video on youtube. It will be hilarious and still uses technology. Everybody wins.
Weekend Battle Plan: Save a newspaper, watch a movie
So, Russell Fatty Crowe may be the the final thespian to portray a modern newspaperman. Okay, that's stretching it a bit, but State of Play is clearly going to be one of the final entries in the once thriving genre of newspaper journalists who expose a conspiracy that goes ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP! It's hard to imagine someone making a movie about a blogger who ALMOST GETS ALL THE FACTS RIGHT! Although the movie sounds like it would have been far better with the original Brad Pitt/Ed Norton casting, it's worth heading to an intrigue movie with good actors about an interesting subject every once and awhile. Oh, and Rachel McAdams is in it. That should be enough for anyone to see it. Seriously, how is this girl not everywhere doing all of the movies? I like Amy Adams, but how is it McAdams isn't the new "It" actress? She's stunning, charismatic, and talented. If you're thinking about casting Anne Hathaway, see if McAdams is available (unless it's a generic rom com, then call Kate Hudson). Other movies opening include the aforementioned twitter-magnet Crank 2, which seems to be rabidly insane, and 17 Again, which isn't appropriate for human consumption.
My recommendation: Go see State of Play. Support newspapers at least spiritually, since you won't support them monetarily.
On DVD: Okay, when I say you should rent The Spirit, you have to remember two things: (1) I HAVE to recommend any Scarlett Johansson movie, especially one in which she wears ridiculous outfits. (2) It's really funny if you let it be. See, it's an awful, awful, awful movie made by a guy who is about 1/80th as intelligent and talented as he thinks he is. Oh, he's still more talented than most, but just not anywhere near as much as he thinks. I had the same reaction to the opening of this movie (hell, from the first trailer) as I did to his reboot of "Batman and Robin," which was anger and confusion. But then, when you realize it's okay to laugh AT him and AT the project, not with it, it becomes okay again. So either rent it to mock or rent it to Scarlett ogle, I don't care.
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
Well, well, well, here we are again. Once more looking down the barrel of a hazy week destined to give me fits. But you know what, I don't care. The weather is beautiful today, the weekend is upon us, I'm beginning to relax for the first time in weeks, so I'm not going to freak out about a little thing like having no idea how the movies are going to shake out this week. Instead, I'm going to rejoice in the little things, like not watching "Howie Do That" or hoping that the Cubs finally scratch out a win (or show some life). So here's your sunny movie predictions for this weekend:
1.) 17 Again - $21 million
See, I'm not even letting it bother me that a plot more used up than Pamela Anderson is going to be the top movie of the week just because the main star has silky hair and appeals to tween girls and some males of all ages. Nope, I'm just going to note that it's nice Matthew Perry was able to scrape a few bucks up for the sale of his final amount of dignity.
2.) Hannah Montana - $17 million
Sure, I could be really upset about the fact that the horse-toothed, talentless teen bimbo is going to rake in another hefty sum this weekend, but no sir. I'm happy. I'm just going to note that it's nice Billy Ray's breeding was more successful than his singing.
3.) Crank: High Voltage - $15 million
Sure, the first movie should have prevented any sequel and this is really just as stupid as Shoot 'Em Up. But you have to just let these things roll off your back. I'm just going to note that Amy Smart has nice hooters.
4.) Monsters vs Aliens - $14 million
Sure, I could note that this is blocking out that newspaper movie I talked to you about earlier or that it's on pace to be so successful that Dreamworks animation will never feel the need to add quality writing to their process. I'm just going to note that 3D is the coolest, non-addictive way to have shapes fly at your face when they aren't really.
5.) Fast and Furious - $13 million
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have anything bad to say about such a quality franchise. You go Vin Diesel. No seriously. Go.
posted by Ryan at
8:38 AM
2 Comments:
Well I have to agree entirely with your support of Matthew Perry, the man should at least get a little change out of the take penny leave your soul tray. I do however need to disagree with you on a few other aspects. First, Shoot Em up was not stupid! It did what it was supposed to do, remind adults of what cartoons used to look like. To be honest, Clive Owen ate carrots and they made him see better.That's just kinda sweet and also influences people to eat healthier...BOOM! Not Stupid! Second,why bother picking on Dreamworks? What's the significance, the movie was neat for kids and entertained many of their parents by providing several voices of actors that make other horrible movies not intended to provide any real significance to society. Dreamworks doesn't need dialogue, its just a neat little thing to throw in subliminally, for the few people who critique the films. Nobody thought to themselves, "I should go see this Monsters vs. Aliens so that I may learn about how to handle a possible attack from either of the horrific halloween oriented terrorist cells." At least i think nobody thought that...
Firstly, hats off on the "take a penny leave your soul" comment. I'll likely steal that and not credit you (sorry). Secondly, Shoot Em Up was stupid...and good. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Funny story on that, I watched it with my dad who watched as Clive Owen killed about 100 people with one fire arm, shoved a carrot threw a guy's nasal cavity, and catapulted himself through a van window. Then, when Owen jumped from a window into a car, Dad said "Oh, come on." That cracks me up. Anyway, point taken, I agree, I liked it...but it was stupid. As far as Monsters vs Aliens...I don't need subversive adult material, I just need intelligence, even for kids. It seems like Dreamworks stops with a good idea when they could just take one more step and make an all-around good movie. Were it just for kids, that'd be one thing, but you don't spend $150 million making a movie just for kids. You make it for adults, too. If you want-a my money, give-a me some content. For the record, you fight Halloween-oriented terrorist cells with candy corn. Lots and lots of candy corn.
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