Friday Free-for-all
People care about Predator?
First off, I should like Predator more than I do. Not because it's, you know, good but because it was my first R-rated movie. I remember watching it in the basement of my friend's Chris's house in the rich clarity and definition of VHS, marveling over the prolific use of the F-word and rejoicing over the (even then) cartoonish violence. At the time, I was blown away. How could you not feel the sweet embrace of life after watching a mud-covered Arnie dispatch the extraterrestrial Bob Marley fan. Sadly, this may be the first time I've thought about that movie since then. Yesterday, news came out over every single movie news site I follow via twitter...and via emails...and via conversations...that Robert Rodriguez is done banging Rose McGowan long enough to finally make another movie. That movie will be Machete (a full version of the fake trailer he directed in Grindhouse). Then he's doing some sci-fi movie that sounds generic. Then possibly doing something with Sin City (which rumors have as being shopped around outside of the Weinstein Studios). THEN he's going to do Predators, which is an obvious homage to Aliens in that multiple otherworldly beings are clearly implied. Aintitcool.com pointed out that Rodriguez, in his pre-"I'm going to bang Rose McGowan and announce a Barbarella remake that won't happen" days, wrote a draft called "Predators" that followed Dutch (which was apparently Arnie's character's name in the original movie...who remembers that shit) to the Predator homeworld where he would be pit against other aliens that defeated Predators. Okay (A) that's just effing awesome. (B) It probably has changed since then and will now feature more humans and be some kind of ridiculous remake/reboot/origin story where we find out the Predators were really simple farmers until some terrible tragedy made them turn to a life of dreadlocks and high explosives. If that ends up being the plot, you read it here first and I want my cut. At any rate, if you love Predator, get ready for multiple Predators at some point (provided Rodriguez doesn't start banging Danny Trejo or something).
Weekend battle plan: How to decide between an environmental documentary and a Beyonce Knowles movie
I think we all know I'm not going to recommend the Beyonce movie (which Ben pronounces "Be-yonk" or "Be-yonk-ee"). Nobody would recommend the Beyonkee movie. I'm also not going to recommend Fighting because I can't support that degree of laziness. "Hey, this movie has action stuff in it, let's call it Action Stuff" or "Hey, this movie has girls in love in it, let's call it Romance" or "Hey, this movie's got Renee Zellweger in it, let's call it Squinty Face's Squinty Adventures." Just like women with large fake breasts, if you're that obvious, I don't have an interest in you. The issue of The Soloist is much trickier because I'm forced to weigh my desire to punch Jamie Foxx (who, admittedly, would then work me overtime like a Taco Bell employee) versus my desire to be best friends in the world with Robert Downey Jr (we could talk about whatever he wants anytime he wants and it would just be magical). Oh, and then there's the whole stupid, schmaltzy nature of the movie itself...and the fact that it's based on a true story. I mentioned on the Radio Show today that I am advocating a new stance: If you're thinking of making a movie based on a true story, make a documentary. If not, you'd best be embellishing enough to make it fiction. As in, the difference between "inspired by" and "based on." I'm suspicious of both, but I'll deal with the former. Anyway, a movie that moves from November (Oscars here we come!) to April (People's Choice? No? Okay, well, thanks anyway) is what it is. See it if you want. Oh, and be prepared for old people in your family to tell you how awesome it is. Earth is basically just a nature documentary narrated by James Earl Jones. You should see that, because it's a documentary about Earth, narrated by James Earl Jones. You can't really have a bad time and for every ticket sold they give a rare endangered koala/penguin (pengoala) a tummy rub or something.
That's my recommendation: See Earth because your other choices suck and you want to give a pengoala a tummy rub.
On DVD: Frost/Nixon kind of kicked my ass. I know, I know, it seems like it should be one of those movies I'd advocate a documentary on, but it wasn't. It was this awesome, rich character piece that really tackled the PEOPLE in the situation and gave me goosebumps during that last hour. I saw it thinking it would be okay and came away thinking it was incredible. See it, honest, it's worth it.
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
My prediction is this week we're all losers, because the top spot will probably go to a pop star, Zack Effron will have a second week in the top 5, and the best movie available doesn't feature any human beings. So really, everybody loses. I know that this seems odd that I keep doing these predictions when I'm so, so frequently wrong...but I enjoy it even when it seems like I don't. See, back when there weren't two blogs for every independent thought, I used to read any movie site that I could. Each of them did a little something for the box office and I was always interested. Plus, I think denying that this matters is like saying points aren't really the focus of a basketball game. Movies are made to make money AND to make art. To argue otherwise is to deny things like how much Picassos are sold for now. In the end, we live in a world where dollars matter, and so this is my touchstone to that idea and to the things I used to read. In other words, I know I suck at this and bitch a lot, but the same can be said for most golfers and they keep doing it.
Here's my predictions:
1.) Obsessed - $16 million
I just can't believe this is going to be bigger than this. I mean, it could be, people are still going to see a movie this weekend and this IS the highest profile and widest release but...COME ON have you seen the previews? Ali Larter is going to do the thing she always does, show off her incredible gams and tummy, because that's all she's got. Beyonky can't act to save her life. And, worst of all, this is ANOTHER version of the obsessed chick movie. Modern feminism should mean noticing a woman's sexuality as empowering. It should NOT mean reducing them to male-obsessed stalkers who fight one another.
2.) Earth - $13 million
I'm going to go out on a limb here (partially inspired by Slashfilm.com and the opening numbers for the first day of the film) and guess that the documentary is going to be more March of the Penguins than it is 11th Hour. I could be wrong, and likely am, but everybody has a green chubby these days.
3.) 17 Again - $11.5 million
I think that this redundant piece of crap will likely peter out below $60 million, which is nice. If Effron really wants to make a move, he should do something a little edgier. Can he play some kind of gay porn star in his next film? Isn't High School Musical already pretty much in that genre?
4.) The Soloist - $10 million
Old people will see this. Old people only count for about $10 million. That's it. See Duplicity and State of Play (which got a bump for Rachel McAdams hotness).
5.) State of Play - $8.5 million
Watch, this will likely go to Monsters vs Aliens, but hear me out. Families may siphon off and go to Earth and this one SHOULD hold pretty strong due to word of mouth. I'll be eating these words come Monday, but like I said, I'll be enjoying it.
First off, I should like Predator more than I do. Not because it's, you know, good but because it was my first R-rated movie. I remember watching it in the basement of my friend's Chris's house in the rich clarity and definition of VHS, marveling over the prolific use of the F-word and rejoicing over the (even then) cartoonish violence. At the time, I was blown away. How could you not feel the sweet embrace of life after watching a mud-covered Arnie dispatch the extraterrestrial Bob Marley fan. Sadly, this may be the first time I've thought about that movie since then. Yesterday, news came out over every single movie news site I follow via twitter...and via emails...and via conversations...that Robert Rodriguez is done banging Rose McGowan long enough to finally make another movie. That movie will be Machete (a full version of the fake trailer he directed in Grindhouse). Then he's doing some sci-fi movie that sounds generic. Then possibly doing something with Sin City (which rumors have as being shopped around outside of the Weinstein Studios). THEN he's going to do Predators, which is an obvious homage to Aliens in that multiple otherworldly beings are clearly implied. Aintitcool.com pointed out that Rodriguez, in his pre-"I'm going to bang Rose McGowan and announce a Barbarella remake that won't happen" days, wrote a draft called "Predators" that followed Dutch (which was apparently Arnie's character's name in the original movie...who remembers that shit) to the Predator homeworld where he would be pit against other aliens that defeated Predators. Okay (A) that's just effing awesome. (B) It probably has changed since then and will now feature more humans and be some kind of ridiculous remake/reboot/origin story where we find out the Predators were really simple farmers until some terrible tragedy made them turn to a life of dreadlocks and high explosives. If that ends up being the plot, you read it here first and I want my cut. At any rate, if you love Predator, get ready for multiple Predators at some point (provided Rodriguez doesn't start banging Danny Trejo or something).
Weekend battle plan: How to decide between an environmental documentary and a Beyonce Knowles movie
I think we all know I'm not going to recommend the Beyonce movie (which Ben pronounces "Be-yonk" or "Be-yonk-ee"). Nobody would recommend the Beyonkee movie. I'm also not going to recommend Fighting because I can't support that degree of laziness. "Hey, this movie has action stuff in it, let's call it Action Stuff" or "Hey, this movie has girls in love in it, let's call it Romance" or "Hey, this movie's got Renee Zellweger in it, let's call it Squinty Face's Squinty Adventures." Just like women with large fake breasts, if you're that obvious, I don't have an interest in you. The issue of The Soloist is much trickier because I'm forced to weigh my desire to punch Jamie Foxx (who, admittedly, would then work me overtime like a Taco Bell employee) versus my desire to be best friends in the world with Robert Downey Jr (we could talk about whatever he wants anytime he wants and it would just be magical). Oh, and then there's the whole stupid, schmaltzy nature of the movie itself...and the fact that it's based on a true story. I mentioned on the Radio Show today that I am advocating a new stance: If you're thinking of making a movie based on a true story, make a documentary. If not, you'd best be embellishing enough to make it fiction. As in, the difference between "inspired by" and "based on." I'm suspicious of both, but I'll deal with the former. Anyway, a movie that moves from November (Oscars here we come!) to April (People's Choice? No? Okay, well, thanks anyway) is what it is. See it if you want. Oh, and be prepared for old people in your family to tell you how awesome it is. Earth is basically just a nature documentary narrated by James Earl Jones. You should see that, because it's a documentary about Earth, narrated by James Earl Jones. You can't really have a bad time and for every ticket sold they give a rare endangered koala/penguin (pengoala) a tummy rub or something.
That's my recommendation: See Earth because your other choices suck and you want to give a pengoala a tummy rub.
On DVD: Frost/Nixon kind of kicked my ass. I know, I know, it seems like it should be one of those movies I'd advocate a documentary on, but it wasn't. It was this awesome, rich character piece that really tackled the PEOPLE in the situation and gave me goosebumps during that last hour. I saw it thinking it would be okay and came away thinking it was incredible. See it, honest, it's worth it.
Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions
My prediction is this week we're all losers, because the top spot will probably go to a pop star, Zack Effron will have a second week in the top 5, and the best movie available doesn't feature any human beings. So really, everybody loses. I know that this seems odd that I keep doing these predictions when I'm so, so frequently wrong...but I enjoy it even when it seems like I don't. See, back when there weren't two blogs for every independent thought, I used to read any movie site that I could. Each of them did a little something for the box office and I was always interested. Plus, I think denying that this matters is like saying points aren't really the focus of a basketball game. Movies are made to make money AND to make art. To argue otherwise is to deny things like how much Picassos are sold for now. In the end, we live in a world where dollars matter, and so this is my touchstone to that idea and to the things I used to read. In other words, I know I suck at this and bitch a lot, but the same can be said for most golfers and they keep doing it.
Here's my predictions:
1.) Obsessed - $16 million
I just can't believe this is going to be bigger than this. I mean, it could be, people are still going to see a movie this weekend and this IS the highest profile and widest release but...COME ON have you seen the previews? Ali Larter is going to do the thing she always does, show off her incredible gams and tummy, because that's all she's got. Beyonky can't act to save her life. And, worst of all, this is ANOTHER version of the obsessed chick movie. Modern feminism should mean noticing a woman's sexuality as empowering. It should NOT mean reducing them to male-obsessed stalkers who fight one another.
2.) Earth - $13 million
I'm going to go out on a limb here (partially inspired by Slashfilm.com and the opening numbers for the first day of the film) and guess that the documentary is going to be more March of the Penguins than it is 11th Hour. I could be wrong, and likely am, but everybody has a green chubby these days.
3.) 17 Again - $11.5 million
I think that this redundant piece of crap will likely peter out below $60 million, which is nice. If Effron really wants to make a move, he should do something a little edgier. Can he play some kind of gay porn star in his next film? Isn't High School Musical already pretty much in that genre?
4.) The Soloist - $10 million
Old people will see this. Old people only count for about $10 million. That's it. See Duplicity and State of Play (which got a bump for Rachel McAdams hotness).
5.) State of Play - $8.5 million
Watch, this will likely go to Monsters vs Aliens, but hear me out. Families may siphon off and go to Earth and this one SHOULD hold pretty strong due to word of mouth. I'll be eating these words come Monday, but like I said, I'll be enjoying it.
posted by Ryan at
8:40 AM
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