Quick clips for Monday April 20

For those who long suspected the sentience of stuffed animals...

The Hollywood Reporter kicks off our Monday with news that the market on comic books being optioned for movies has not yet bottomed out. "Lions, Tigers, and Bears," which is not about a reformed NFC North that would include the Cincinnati Bengals, uses the simple premise that stuffed animals are actually alive and protect children from monsters, which is something that any 4-year-old could have told you if you were willing to ask. Now, while this is based on a comic, it's one that I've never heard of or seen, which doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, just that I don't care if it does. That said, yeah, this is going to make a billion dollars for somebody. I mean, it's basically a fluffier Toy Story, only with monsters and undoubtedly worse writing. The question becomes: Is this going to be an entirely CGI animated movie or a halfsie endeavor that has CGI stuffed animals and real people (although, if they had balls, they'd do real stuffed animals and CGI people)? Again, while the answer is an almost disturbingly loud "I DON'T CARE," it's Monday, and I have to talk about something. I tell you what, though, this is the sort of material that, if handled with a darker, cooler lens, could be really interesting. Oooooh, what if they did it all Muppet-like? Sort of like a new-school Labyrinth. And instead of David Bowie they could use somebody like the douche lead singer for Maroon 5 or something! I'm on to something huge here.

Robin Hoodwinked

Russ Fischer at Chud.com was quick to point out that the following picture of Russell Crowe as Robin Hood is a little on the underwhelming side (which is nice for Crowe these days, as he's used to things being "over"...as in overweight, overrated, overpaid, etc...more fat jokes later).


Now, as Russ points out, it's not a bad shot, until you consider the quote that accompanies it in the USA Today from Brian Grazer: "He doesn't have the old Robin Hood tights. He's got armor. He's very medieval. He looks, if anything, more like he did in Gladiator than anything we're used to seeing with Robin Hood."Um, well, notsomuch really there Brian. He looks EXACTLY like old Robin Hood. Perhaps what they meant by "armor" is "girdle" and by "medieval" he means "chubby" and by "more like Gladiator" he means "nothing like Gladiator." Now, I love me some Robin Hood, enough so that one of my favorite theatrical experiences as a preteen was seeing the Kevin Costner version...and that version had KEVIN COSTNER in it. I love the myth, I love the arrows, I love the merry men, I love all of it. It's pretty much second to King Arthur in terms of inherent coolness. And yet, they keep making shitty movies of both mythic properties. So, despite the rather blah image, my hopes are still high for this one, especially given the fact that Maid Marion is Cate Blanchett, who shot an arrow into my heart long ago. Get it? Because it's a blurb about Robin Hood and because I love her! Happy Monday!

Weekend Box Office Report: You guys pick NOW to start seeing the good movies?

In this, the year of our Blart, you would think that America would follow up a Hannah Montana triumph in style. Sure, they did at the top spot, taking Zack Effron to heights he won't reach again despite his insistence to his agent that his role as a gay gigolo in Giggle Me Tender will be the key to his being taken seriously as an actor (side note, begin discussion about Effron's career arc and the similarity to Lindsay Lohan's). But there, right at the second spot is State of Play, which is by all accounts "good" and "smart." With a weak advertising campaign and modest buzz, all the film had going for it was good actors, an interesting plot, and great reviews. Since when is that enough for you people?! You can't go changing behaviors now on me?!

Here's the results:

1.) 17 Again - $24 Million (Accuracy of predictions - 94%)

Dear everyone who saw this movie, I'm in the process of writing a movie you're going to love. It's about this streetwise kid who sneaks on to a large boat and falls in love with a girl engaged to an aristocrat. In the end, the boat sinks and their love endures. It's going to be my follow-up to my first endeavor: Space Battles.

2.) State of Play - $14 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)

You know, I usually don't miss by hitting zero on one that appears in the top 2. I figured, at best, this would creep into the five hole, but I forgot the public's love of Ben Affleck. My bad. Actually, I'm giving this one's success entirely to Rachel McAdam's dimples. They deserve it.

3.) Monsters vs Aliens - $13 million (Accuracy of prediction - 86%)

Keeps on chugging along. Probably won't have competition until Up destroys it in late May. Actually, it may make more money than Up, but that's not what matters to those of us who don't have yachts to pay for.

4.) Hanna Montana - $12.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 62%)

Oh Miley Cyrus, when will you leave? Seriously, feel free to drop me a line and let me know.

5.) Fast and Furious - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 96%)

Hey, Vin Diesel was just beat by a girl! That's hilarious! Oh, gender-based humor, will you ever get old?!

Overall accuracy of prediction - 68%

This is sad. I think I've come to realize this is about what I can do, I can predict at about a 68% level. That's not good. Oh well, I'm still in a good mood and there's nothing you or Miley Cyrus can do about that.