Quick clips for Monday April 27
I suppose YOU can think of a better director than the guy who remade Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
To quote Tracy Morgan, "I love The Odyssey so much, I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant." I love it so much that I took an entire Greek class just to study that and the "Iliad," and risked the shame associated with doing so. It was the first thing I studied at college and I love, love, love it. I have never, not one time ever, thought to myself "If only I could see a new version of it on the big screen as envisioned by the guy who remade Texas Chainsaw Massacre." In a move akin to asking your finger-painting four-year-old to go ahead and start smearing away on the Mona Lisa, Jonathan Liebesman is going to helm a version, according to Variety, that he describes as "300 meets Taken." Now, Liebesman may be a great guy, and I may one day love this movie. However, for the purposes of the rest of this blurb, Liebesman is an asshole and I hate him and his stupid film. Were it not enough that he described his film as a mix between buttered topless assholes slow-motion dancing and a Liam Neeson movie that had no right to be popular, they're DITCHING THE BEST PART. They're going to focus on the part where he returns home and kicks the shit out of the people trying to bone his wife. They basically are making the Odyssey without, you know, THE ODYSSEY! I don't even know how this can function. The charming, snaky, intelligent character of Odysseus could be the quintessential rogue, a smarter version of Han Solo with more wit and less gruff. Instead, they're going to make him some violent, angry cuckold who comes home and starts killin' people. What, do we get the story of the Odyssey in a FLASHBACK?! Only two things have my approval to flashback, "Lost" and Vietnam vets. This is a stupid idea that appears to be directed by a stupid man greenlit by a stupid studio and sure to be loved by stupid people. Happy Monday!
Terror in the editing bay
Slashfilm.com has a truly awesome and depressing look at what's happening with Kenneth Lonergan's Margaret, which should have been a triumphant second film for the writer/director. Don't believe me? Well, eff you too. Okay, fine, here's some proof. Martin Scorsese called the cut he saw of the film "a masterpiece," and it stars Matt Damon, Mark Ruffalo, and Anna Paquin, three good actors. Things apparently unraveled well after filming, when Lonergan got into the editing room and lost it. Flat out panicked. See, this was four years ago that filming was complete. Four. Years. Since then, the man has been unable to complete the film and, because he has final cut approval, it may never be done. Ever. The article goes through the different steps taken to assist him, from having other directors come in and help look, and guesses that one of the final hangups may be the run time (it's only contractually allowed to be 150 minutes, a reasonable length for a drama). I find this whole thing fascinating, because the crippling power of the editing process has claimed so many victims over the years, and this is one of the more promising ones. I didn't love You Can Count on Me, the auteur's first film, but I did like it. Mostly, I thought he would be a real talent if he could continue as a director. Clearly, as a playwright, he's gifted enough with writing. The problem seems to be with having this much control over performance. As a writer of some plays and spoken performances, I get it. The thought of being able to tinker with how things appear after the fact can be almost too much power to wield. I'm now insanely curious to see this (even though we may not) and hope against hope that this man doesn't stay locked inside forever. Wowza. Happy Swine Flu Monday!
Weekend Box Office Results: I'm willing to leave this planet if you want me to, as Beyonce's movie seems to indicate
Once more with feeling, what is wrong with this country? Perhaps Swine Flu is our punishment for making hits out of Taken, Paul Blart, and now Obsessed and Fighting, two generic-sounding movies with generic titles, generic plots, and generic actors. It's not supposed to be this easy for studios to make crap and get away with it. If you are to believe the results at the box office, Lifetime TV Movies should be the highest watched programs on television, because millions upon millions of you went to see one in the theater. And Fighting, are you kidding me? ARGH! I have no solace to take in this madness. The only thing this tells me is that Fox is going to have a good week next week, despite buzz, because everyone will go see Wolverine whether it's good or not.
Here are the results:
1.) Obsessed - $28.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)
Beyonce (pronounced Bee-Yon-Kee, now to be spelled that way) should not be encouraged to keep acting. This is your fault. Also, this means that Ali Larter is going to keep making movies. Also not good. I don't know how else to deal with this, other than to move on as quickly as possible before crying.
2.) 17 Again - $11.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)
At least this isn't a runaway hit, just a modest one. I don't mean to sound so negative, but this is SUPPOSED to be the negative time. We're SUPPOSED to be having bad movies now and you guys are SUPPOSED to keep your money in your pockets to save for later. I don't get it anymore.
3.) Fighting - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)
I don't know who Tatum Channing or Channing Tatum or Tanning Chatum or whoever is, but apparently a large group of you love him. Why? He seems so generic looking. Is it because he can do high kicks? Because I can do high kicks. Okay, I can't, but I can learn for $11 million.
4.) The Soloist - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)
It's okay, Robert, your next two movies are going to be colossal to the Nth degree. You're Sherlock Holmes and Iron Man, you don't need this shit. Jamie Foxx, now you can go back to making fun of tween idols on whatever weird radio station it is you do your thing on. Point is, you can just go. Wherever you want, but away from me is necessary.
5.) Earth - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 49%)
Great, so now you hate the planet. I don't get it. How does cute, cuddly baby animals not rate above Beyonkee and a movie with Chandler Tating (no...um, Stockard Channing?) fighting? I don't get it.
Overall accuracy of prediction - 64%
I won't say I'm happy about this, but this is expected. I need to find a way to get into the 70% range. Okay, so I'm going to institute a new policy, I'll unveil it on Friday. Oooh, foreshadowing and previewing! Avoid Pig Influenza! Happy Monday!
To quote Tracy Morgan, "I love The Odyssey so much, I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant." I love it so much that I took an entire Greek class just to study that and the "Iliad," and risked the shame associated with doing so. It was the first thing I studied at college and I love, love, love it. I have never, not one time ever, thought to myself "If only I could see a new version of it on the big screen as envisioned by the guy who remade Texas Chainsaw Massacre." In a move akin to asking your finger-painting four-year-old to go ahead and start smearing away on the Mona Lisa, Jonathan Liebesman is going to helm a version, according to Variety, that he describes as "300 meets Taken." Now, Liebesman may be a great guy, and I may one day love this movie. However, for the purposes of the rest of this blurb, Liebesman is an asshole and I hate him and his stupid film. Were it not enough that he described his film as a mix between buttered topless assholes slow-motion dancing and a Liam Neeson movie that had no right to be popular, they're DITCHING THE BEST PART. They're going to focus on the part where he returns home and kicks the shit out of the people trying to bone his wife. They basically are making the Odyssey without, you know, THE ODYSSEY! I don't even know how this can function. The charming, snaky, intelligent character of Odysseus could be the quintessential rogue, a smarter version of Han Solo with more wit and less gruff. Instead, they're going to make him some violent, angry cuckold who comes home and starts killin' people. What, do we get the story of the Odyssey in a FLASHBACK?! Only two things have my approval to flashback, "Lost" and Vietnam vets. This is a stupid idea that appears to be directed by a stupid man greenlit by a stupid studio and sure to be loved by stupid people. Happy Monday!
Terror in the editing bay
Slashfilm.com has a truly awesome and depressing look at what's happening with Kenneth Lonergan's Margaret, which should have been a triumphant second film for the writer/director. Don't believe me? Well, eff you too. Okay, fine, here's some proof. Martin Scorsese called the cut he saw of the film "a masterpiece," and it stars Matt Damon, Mark Ruffalo, and Anna Paquin, three good actors. Things apparently unraveled well after filming, when Lonergan got into the editing room and lost it. Flat out panicked. See, this was four years ago that filming was complete. Four. Years. Since then, the man has been unable to complete the film and, because he has final cut approval, it may never be done. Ever. The article goes through the different steps taken to assist him, from having other directors come in and help look, and guesses that one of the final hangups may be the run time (it's only contractually allowed to be 150 minutes, a reasonable length for a drama). I find this whole thing fascinating, because the crippling power of the editing process has claimed so many victims over the years, and this is one of the more promising ones. I didn't love You Can Count on Me, the auteur's first film, but I did like it. Mostly, I thought he would be a real talent if he could continue as a director. Clearly, as a playwright, he's gifted enough with writing. The problem seems to be with having this much control over performance. As a writer of some plays and spoken performances, I get it. The thought of being able to tinker with how things appear after the fact can be almost too much power to wield. I'm now insanely curious to see this (even though we may not) and hope against hope that this man doesn't stay locked inside forever. Wowza. Happy Swine Flu Monday!
Weekend Box Office Results: I'm willing to leave this planet if you want me to, as Beyonce's movie seems to indicate
Once more with feeling, what is wrong with this country? Perhaps Swine Flu is our punishment for making hits out of Taken, Paul Blart, and now Obsessed and Fighting, two generic-sounding movies with generic titles, generic plots, and generic actors. It's not supposed to be this easy for studios to make crap and get away with it. If you are to believe the results at the box office, Lifetime TV Movies should be the highest watched programs on television, because millions upon millions of you went to see one in the theater. And Fighting, are you kidding me? ARGH! I have no solace to take in this madness. The only thing this tells me is that Fox is going to have a good week next week, despite buzz, because everyone will go see Wolverine whether it's good or not.
Here are the results:
1.) Obsessed - $28.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 78%)
Beyonce (pronounced Bee-Yon-Kee, now to be spelled that way) should not be encouraged to keep acting. This is your fault. Also, this means that Ali Larter is going to keep making movies. Also not good. I don't know how else to deal with this, other than to move on as quickly as possible before crying.
2.) 17 Again - $11.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)
At least this isn't a runaway hit, just a modest one. I don't mean to sound so negative, but this is SUPPOSED to be the negative time. We're SUPPOSED to be having bad movies now and you guys are SUPPOSED to keep your money in your pockets to save for later. I don't get it anymore.
3.) Fighting - $11 million (Accuracy of prediction - 0%)
I don't know who Tatum Channing or Channing Tatum or Tanning Chatum or whoever is, but apparently a large group of you love him. Why? He seems so generic looking. Is it because he can do high kicks? Because I can do high kicks. Okay, I can't, but I can learn for $11 million.
4.) The Soloist - $10 million (Accuracy of prediction - 100%)
It's okay, Robert, your next two movies are going to be colossal to the Nth degree. You're Sherlock Holmes and Iron Man, you don't need this shit. Jamie Foxx, now you can go back to making fun of tween idols on whatever weird radio station it is you do your thing on. Point is, you can just go. Wherever you want, but away from me is necessary.
5.) Earth - $9 million (Accuracy of prediction - 49%)
Great, so now you hate the planet. I don't get it. How does cute, cuddly baby animals not rate above Beyonkee and a movie with Chandler Tating (no...um, Stockard Channing?) fighting? I don't get it.
Overall accuracy of prediction - 64%
I won't say I'm happy about this, but this is expected. I need to find a way to get into the 70% range. Okay, so I'm going to institute a new policy, I'll unveil it on Friday. Oooh, foreshadowing and previewing! Avoid Pig Influenza! Happy Monday!
posted by Ryan at
9:16 AM
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