Quick clips for Thursday April 23
Spiderman is going to rob you
As he is prone to doing, Devin at Chud.com sparked my interest in his latest missive regarding the decision by the asshats at Sony to make Spiderman 4 in 3D STRICTLY FOR THE MONEY. You know it's just for the money, because the guy who is producing them SAID it was strictly for the money. Then again, I'm not sure there's ever a motivating story reason to need a third visual dimension. I'm going to set aside my Kirsten Dunst rant for a moment (seriously, it's time to let little teeth go...replace her with a well-endowed lamp, I don't care) and focus on Devin's quickly passed over point: Is 3D bad for dramas and other non-shit-blowing-up fare? As he astutely points out, the technology is an excuse to charge us more money (as much as $3-4 a ticket), which means people will do one of three things (A) not change moviegoing habits at all, which is possible, (B) avoid the 3D movies because they cost more, which is highly unlikely because these are the EVENT movies...Spiderman 3 made more than $300 million domestically while sucking and deceiving me, if you needed more evidence, or worst of all (C) they'll pay for the event movies and skip the dramas and whatnot. Now, we're already at a crossroads for indie movies and smaller fare (evolve or die bitches, meaning finding alternative means of distribution, marketing, and platforms such as direct-to-video or direct-to-pay per view), but if this obsession with 3D starts ruining the chances for good dramas to be profitable (and thus damning them to never be made) we're in trouble. Understand something, I'm actually LESS worried about the indie movies, which are usually made by passionate people who care about art and WILL find their way to get the movies made. I'm concerned about big studios saying "hell no, Mr. Scorsese, you can't have your budget." It's the big studio dramas that are going to suffer (potentially), and that scares me quite a bit. So, here's hoping Spiderman doesn't turn out to be a potential villain. Oh, and I can't help myself, operation Replace Kirsten Dunst with a Voluptuous Lampshade is in full effect (seriously, I want names of people who can replace that increasingly decrepit-looking, talentless ditz immediately).
Can I get a "what what" for my amphibians named after painters?!
How do you celebrate the most respected shell-wearers in the history of ninja-hood turning 25 years old? Why, with a new movie that will see the TMNT clan once more step out of the animated world and into the live-action one. I know that this news makes at least one of my friends very, very (almost disturbingly) happy. But aside from Cameron celebrating in his TMNT underoos, how will the rest of the world react? Will the turtles be CGI (one images, given the debacle of the full-suits)? Will this be another boring origin retelling (they're effing turtles that get crap spilled on them and become ninjas...that's one sentence dammit)? More importantly, can they make the turtles relevant again? Let's face it, the gang has fallen off lately and they were, at their peak, kind of a joke. Don't believe me, the Chud gang pointed this out:
EMBED-TMHT - Teenage Mutant Hardcore Turtles - Watch more free videos
Yeah, that shit actually happened. Now, being that the suits in LA want to make serious money, they should listen to the following: Don't worry about getting the super young kids hooked on this. Worry about making it cool enough that teenagers like it. See, many grown-ups have fond memories of this (I'd say, anyone aged 32-40 were prime age when the turtles came up). And many impressionable teens will go see a movie with wicked ninja-fighting action. So, come up with something non-goofy, slenderize the turtles and make them conceptually cool to look at, get a few big names in the cast (seriously, cast Will Smith as Shredder), and you'll make bank. In the meantime, I'm going to go fondly recollect about how much money I spent on the Turtles arcade game.
We can rebuild him, we can give him man teets
Arnie is in T4. Sorry if that ruins anything for you, but you should really figure by now that you can't make a Terminator movie without him. Word has it that the tech that allowed the Gov to get up in that shit is actually based on the full body cast that they took of him (ewww) years back. See, he can't ACTUALLY appear in it by shooting new scenes because (A) his constituents are likely going to riot if he does, (B) he's flabtastical now, and (C) he doesn't want to shoot outside of California, again because of potential riot causing. So, the alternative was to have tech design some way to work him in. The continuity nerd in me loves this...just loves it. Even more than I love Sarah Conner getting back in there somehow. I love the Terminator series. T2 was one of my favorite movies I ever went to see just me and dad. I love the sci-fi aspect of it (that Harlan Ellison swears was his) and love the whole feel of the apocalyptic world. I just love it. Now, when McG was announced I got nervous...when the ending was revealed I got more nervous. But the truth is, with each passing trailer, with each revealed new Terminator design, and with these two key cameos, they've pretty much won me over. This could be a really fun summer sci-fi flick (it's going heads-up with Star Trek though...and between that and Wolverine, one of these three movies is not making it's money all the way), and I am excited to be excited about it!
As he is prone to doing, Devin at Chud.com sparked my interest in his latest missive regarding the decision by the asshats at Sony to make Spiderman 4 in 3D STRICTLY FOR THE MONEY. You know it's just for the money, because the guy who is producing them SAID it was strictly for the money. Then again, I'm not sure there's ever a motivating story reason to need a third visual dimension. I'm going to set aside my Kirsten Dunst rant for a moment (seriously, it's time to let little teeth go...replace her with a well-endowed lamp, I don't care) and focus on Devin's quickly passed over point: Is 3D bad for dramas and other non-shit-blowing-up fare? As he astutely points out, the technology is an excuse to charge us more money (as much as $3-4 a ticket), which means people will do one of three things (A) not change moviegoing habits at all, which is possible, (B) avoid the 3D movies because they cost more, which is highly unlikely because these are the EVENT movies...Spiderman 3 made more than $300 million domestically while sucking and deceiving me, if you needed more evidence, or worst of all (C) they'll pay for the event movies and skip the dramas and whatnot. Now, we're already at a crossroads for indie movies and smaller fare (evolve or die bitches, meaning finding alternative means of distribution, marketing, and platforms such as direct-to-video or direct-to-pay per view), but if this obsession with 3D starts ruining the chances for good dramas to be profitable (and thus damning them to never be made) we're in trouble. Understand something, I'm actually LESS worried about the indie movies, which are usually made by passionate people who care about art and WILL find their way to get the movies made. I'm concerned about big studios saying "hell no, Mr. Scorsese, you can't have your budget." It's the big studio dramas that are going to suffer (potentially), and that scares me quite a bit. So, here's hoping Spiderman doesn't turn out to be a potential villain. Oh, and I can't help myself, operation Replace Kirsten Dunst with a Voluptuous Lampshade is in full effect (seriously, I want names of people who can replace that increasingly decrepit-looking, talentless ditz immediately).
Can I get a "what what" for my amphibians named after painters?!
How do you celebrate the most respected shell-wearers in the history of ninja-hood turning 25 years old? Why, with a new movie that will see the TMNT clan once more step out of the animated world and into the live-action one. I know that this news makes at least one of my friends very, very (almost disturbingly) happy. But aside from Cameron celebrating in his TMNT underoos, how will the rest of the world react? Will the turtles be CGI (one images, given the debacle of the full-suits)? Will this be another boring origin retelling (they're effing turtles that get crap spilled on them and become ninjas...that's one sentence dammit)? More importantly, can they make the turtles relevant again? Let's face it, the gang has fallen off lately and they were, at their peak, kind of a joke. Don't believe me, the Chud gang pointed this out:
EMBED-TMHT - Teenage Mutant Hardcore Turtles - Watch more free videos
Yeah, that shit actually happened. Now, being that the suits in LA want to make serious money, they should listen to the following: Don't worry about getting the super young kids hooked on this. Worry about making it cool enough that teenagers like it. See, many grown-ups have fond memories of this (I'd say, anyone aged 32-40 were prime age when the turtles came up). And many impressionable teens will go see a movie with wicked ninja-fighting action. So, come up with something non-goofy, slenderize the turtles and make them conceptually cool to look at, get a few big names in the cast (seriously, cast Will Smith as Shredder), and you'll make bank. In the meantime, I'm going to go fondly recollect about how much money I spent on the Turtles arcade game.
We can rebuild him, we can give him man teets
Arnie is in T4. Sorry if that ruins anything for you, but you should really figure by now that you can't make a Terminator movie without him. Word has it that the tech that allowed the Gov to get up in that shit is actually based on the full body cast that they took of him (ewww) years back. See, he can't ACTUALLY appear in it by shooting new scenes because (A) his constituents are likely going to riot if he does, (B) he's flabtastical now, and (C) he doesn't want to shoot outside of California, again because of potential riot causing. So, the alternative was to have tech design some way to work him in. The continuity nerd in me loves this...just loves it. Even more than I love Sarah Conner getting back in there somehow. I love the Terminator series. T2 was one of my favorite movies I ever went to see just me and dad. I love the sci-fi aspect of it (that Harlan Ellison swears was his) and love the whole feel of the apocalyptic world. I just love it. Now, when McG was announced I got nervous...when the ending was revealed I got more nervous. But the truth is, with each passing trailer, with each revealed new Terminator design, and with these two key cameos, they've pretty much won me over. This could be a really fun summer sci-fi flick (it's going heads-up with Star Trek though...and between that and Wolverine, one of these three movies is not making it's money all the way), and I am excited to be excited about it!
posted by Ryan at
9:35 AM
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