Quick clips for Wednesday April 29

Because W was a big W, I'll give Stone a sequel

On a gray, dull Wednesday, this is the best I can do to heat things up: Oliver Stone is directing Wall Street 2. Feeling hot and bothered yet? No? What if I throw in a little Shia LaBeouf? No? Okay, don't blame you. We all know that this economic downturn is going to get chopped up and fed to screenwriters from everything including television shows (no less than three pilots next year are based on "person X gets fired and has to do [fill in the blank]") to movies, but this one actually sort of holds water with me...I don't get that cliche, by the way, are things that don't hold water inherently bad? I like tacos. Tacos don't hold water. Anyway, the first film came out during the 1980s and was a reflection on greed. To pick up something decades later and see how that mentality has resulted in what we see now doesn't just seem plausible, it seems necessary. In fact, I would argue that there are few artistic opportunities to comment on this situation as palpable and important as this. Honest. Besides, I'm getting a real vibe of The Hustler/Color of Money here. Michael Douglas is a good actor who has been put out to an early pasture. The dude still bangs Catherine Zeta Jones as regularly as his pharmacist will allow, and yet we put him as a minor player in the new Matthew McConaughey movie? Where's the decency in that. Plus, Stone has never directed a sequel, so there's a bit of interest in that for me too. After W, I no longer believe that Stone is relegated to just one brand of boring crazy. He's a technicolor coat of crazy. I'm a little leery of the LaBeouf casting, I'd go with someone more gifted like Ryan Gosling, but that's nitpicking. I'm really, truly interested in this one.

"That's Sex"

If you thought that yesterday's Dolph Lundgren story was going to be the only Expendables commentary of the week, you are a giant pansy. Much as ancient gods needed human sacrifice to continue, so does this film need the effusive praise and salivation of bloggers to exist. If I don't talk as often as possible about the sea of rippling man boobs and veiny, gross muscles we're about to see flopping and flexing around the jungles of South America, the film may cease to exist. Like Tinkerbell on methamphetamine and steroids, the movie will only come to live if we want it bad enough. In that spirit, I give you what was given unto me by Chud.com which was given unto them by Empire Magazine.



First, you can count on your hand the number of directors able to secure incredible performances from the repeated reproduction of gun noises. Second, if the phrase "that's sex" does not become the most quoted catchphrase of the year, I will take my own life on the end of a sword. Third, even though it appears that the photo was deceiving and Eric Roberts and Stone Cold Steve Austen do not hold hands while jumping, they do love each other in a biblical way. Fourth, SPOILER ALERT, it appears people will be shot in this film. Fifth, when this movie finally comes out, I will lose at least 1-2 posts a week of automatic content and will be very, very sad.

Lost Predictions for "The Variable"

Tonight's 100th episode of "Lost" has prompted people everywhere to do retrospectives on the series, highlighting their favorite episodes...thankfully, I'm terrible unoriginal and will do the same thing before giving a brief look at what I think should be an incredible episode tonight. Now, instead of just doing the best episodes overall, I'm going to do my favorite one from each season (and yes, that includes season 2). I encourage you to discuss your own faves but that would mean acknowledging that you read this site, which I know is a deterrent.

Here's the best episodes of the show from each season and why:

Season One: "Deus Ex Machina"

Now, I could have gone with the season finale (seriously, "Thing is, we're gonna have to take the boy" still gives me chills), "Walkabout" (the first real sign that Locke was going to wreck your mind with coolness), or even the Pilot, which never gets as much run for as good as it is. But I chose this one because it was the moment this show went from "it's good" to "ohmygod I can't live without it." Seriously, when that light turned on from inside the hatch, I may have peed a little (meaning, a lot).

Season Two: "Two for the Road"

The only other choice would have been the introduction of Ben in "One of Them," as he single-handedly turned the show into something different just by showing up. Still, tell me you don't still flashback to the final moment of this episode. Totally ballsy, totally unexpected. The Ana Lucia thing was crazy. The Libby thing, now that's awesome.

Season Three: "Through the Looking Glass"

Again, the main competition here was "Flashes Before Your Eyes," which really was incredible. That one made me love Desmond, but this season finale was the single best season finale I've ever seen. Talk about twisting the knife in you for an entire summer. The moment it dawns on you that Kate is in the car and what that means...seriously, that was the instant this became the best show on television.

Season Four: "The Constant"

The single best episode of "Lost" ever. The single best hour of television ever. I actually cried. It was a brilliant blend of moving emotion and plot-advancing craziness. I can't say enough about it. It's why I'm looking so forward to tonight's "The Variable."

Season Five: "LaFleur"

This one isn't going to make a lot of people's "best" list, but Sawyer needed a bit of love. Plus, it really was a beautiful, well-written episode that managed to advance relationships in a non-insulting way. I loved how each character had transformed and it just seemed to set the new status quo so well. Great episode when you rewatch it (which I have).

Okay, on to tonight, since I'm running out of time here:

1.) Farraday is back and that means time-travel reveals. Let's start with the big "rule" change: Farraday will reveal you CAN change historical events. More specifically, that CERTAIN people can change events. We'll find out that one of those people is Hurley.

2.) We're going to see some Back to the Future style changing of the future. I'm guessing they do something in the past and Sun, Jin, and Locke experience a change of some kind. I don't know what though.

3.) Somebody dies tonight. Somebody big. I'm going to go with Juliet. Much like "The Constant" ripped us open with a beautiful reunion, this will rip us apart with a terrible departure.

4.) We're going to hear more about Alvar Hanso. He's the guy funding the Dharma initiative. I'll go one further: Hanso is someone we know!

5.) Sayid will reappear towards the end, possibly connecting with The Others.

I actually don't want to guess more. First off, I know these are mostly wrong/crazy. I liked Doc Jensen's theory that Hurley is responsible for the impending "incident," which will be prompted by him trying to destroy the hatch. I also agree that the whole purpose of this season was to acclimate us to time travel and then set up the final three hours of "can they change time and if so, should they?" I think we're going to see how responsible for all of the madness these people are. God, I can't wait. Happy 100 everybody!