Quick clips for Tuesday May 19
All of this may be lies
On slow news days (or weeks), we turn to lies and half truths. It's just how movie blogging rolls. I was going to talk about Terminator Salvation but was just informed that I have a press embargo on that (hint: there's a reason). So, instead, here's some stuff that's likely bullshit. Remember, I vouch for exactly none of the following. Latino Review got their hands on the image below, which is supposedly an early design for Mickey Rourke's character in Iron Man 2 (for the full image, click on the link, that's why it's there).
There's every possibility that this is (A) fan hokum, (B) so early that it no longer resembles anything close to what is going to be in the final film, or (C) actually a drawing of what Kevin Costner is going to look like when he dresses in the blood-soaked armor he's going to use to kill us all. Also, there's still no word on exactly who Rourke will be playing. I've heard Whiplash (not the Taco Bell mascot), Blacklash, and Backlash. I'm pulling for Eyelash or Fancy Sash, but those aren't looking good. Also, he's supposedly Russian (wait, can he do accents?), which would account for the involvement of the definitely Russian Black Widow (mmmm Scarlett Johansson...you don't need to talk much in this role...right?). That would make him the Crimson Dynamo, which sounds like a female stimulation device. Whatever the case, enjoy this potentially real but likely totally fake illustration!
See this and weep
Unlike the above story, the following is very, very real. Oh, you'll think it's a Funny or Die clip or something. It isn't. This happened. Get ready.
Ohmygodohmygod. I want to thank Slashfilm.com for their assistance in ruining my dreams for the forseeable future. What kind of sick bastard made this? I mean, this is obviously a film about a pedophile who dresses up like Fozzie Bear from The Muppets in order to ingratiate himself with children. It was also made for the price of two dollars and a ham sandwich. I want you to take a minute and think about all the films that haven't happened and realize that this one did. The best part, the guy from "Jag" is in it. "Hey, guy from 'Jag,' are you sad that you were famous once?" "Hey, piss off, I'm still working." "Really, because I thought CBS had canceled that procedural show to make room for a procedural show that was a spin off of a procedural show." "Yeah, but I'm in movies." "Really, are you in Star Trek?" "Um, no. It's a kid's movie." "Oh, that's cool, is it like one of the Pixar movies?" "No, it's live action." "Oh, really. Hmm, are you in Harry Potter and the Pisser of Doom?" "No, it's Gooby." "What the hell's a Gooby?" "SCREW YOU! I WAS ON TV! I DRIVE AN ESCALADE! I'VE SEEN CELEBRITY BOOBS! I EAT AT GOOD RESTAURANTS!" "Yeah, but you were in Gooby." "Kill me."
I'll take names that are as unfamiliar as Mjolnir for $1000, Alex
Kenneth Branagh's Thor is creeping up on us. The first step: casting. We now know (as has been reported all over the interwebs) that Chris Hemsworth is Thor and Tom Hiddleston is Loki. To answer your owl impression ("Who? Who?"), Hemsworth was Kirk's daddy in Star Trek and Hiddleston is some foreign actor who is apparently, like, talented and stuff. I don't know. This leaves really only a few key roles, and we all know Karl Urban is going to be offered one (he's got a right of first refusal for all sword-bearing roles). The more interesting questions are who is going to play Sif, the one female role of note, and will there be any famous person involved? I think that the best evidence of how to cast a film like this is actually the oft-mentioned Star Trek. You want to cast people with a body of work that you can refer to (Simon Pegg for example) but who aren't iconically identified elsewhere (cough, CHRISTIAN BALE, cough). Although I applaud casting unknowns if they deserve it (for the record, I thought Hemsworth was the wobbliest performance in all of Star Trek and he was in it for like 5 minutes), but I do like the idea of casting somewhat familiar faces that work. To wit, why not use a Rachel McAdams as Sif? She needs the franchise and is undeniably gorgeous. What about casting someone somewhat familiar in the role of Thor's allies? It doesn't have to be a huge name, like maybe a TV star of some note (like Jorge Garcia as the fat guy that's in Thor's clique). Just curious as to whether or not a movie like this needs SOMEONE we've heard of. It's not like Thor is a household name like Spiderman or Mr. Clean.
On slow news days (or weeks), we turn to lies and half truths. It's just how movie blogging rolls. I was going to talk about Terminator Salvation but was just informed that I have a press embargo on that (hint: there's a reason). So, instead, here's some stuff that's likely bullshit. Remember, I vouch for exactly none of the following. Latino Review got their hands on the image below, which is supposedly an early design for Mickey Rourke's character in Iron Man 2 (for the full image, click on the link, that's why it's there).
There's every possibility that this is (A) fan hokum, (B) so early that it no longer resembles anything close to what is going to be in the final film, or (C) actually a drawing of what Kevin Costner is going to look like when he dresses in the blood-soaked armor he's going to use to kill us all. Also, there's still no word on exactly who Rourke will be playing. I've heard Whiplash (not the Taco Bell mascot), Blacklash, and Backlash. I'm pulling for Eyelash or Fancy Sash, but those aren't looking good. Also, he's supposedly Russian (wait, can he do accents?), which would account for the involvement of the definitely Russian Black Widow (mmmm Scarlett Johansson...you don't need to talk much in this role...right?). That would make him the Crimson Dynamo, which sounds like a female stimulation device. Whatever the case, enjoy this potentially real but likely totally fake illustration!See this and weep
Unlike the above story, the following is very, very real. Oh, you'll think it's a Funny or Die clip or something. It isn't. This happened. Get ready.
Ohmygodohmygod. I want to thank Slashfilm.com for their assistance in ruining my dreams for the forseeable future. What kind of sick bastard made this? I mean, this is obviously a film about a pedophile who dresses up like Fozzie Bear from The Muppets in order to ingratiate himself with children. It was also made for the price of two dollars and a ham sandwich. I want you to take a minute and think about all the films that haven't happened and realize that this one did. The best part, the guy from "Jag" is in it. "Hey, guy from 'Jag,' are you sad that you were famous once?" "Hey, piss off, I'm still working." "Really, because I thought CBS had canceled that procedural show to make room for a procedural show that was a spin off of a procedural show." "Yeah, but I'm in movies." "Really, are you in Star Trek?" "Um, no. It's a kid's movie." "Oh, that's cool, is it like one of the Pixar movies?" "No, it's live action." "Oh, really. Hmm, are you in Harry Potter and the Pisser of Doom?" "No, it's Gooby." "What the hell's a Gooby?" "SCREW YOU! I WAS ON TV! I DRIVE AN ESCALADE! I'VE SEEN CELEBRITY BOOBS! I EAT AT GOOD RESTAURANTS!" "Yeah, but you were in Gooby." "Kill me."
I'll take names that are as unfamiliar as Mjolnir for $1000, Alex
Kenneth Branagh's Thor is creeping up on us. The first step: casting. We now know (as has been reported all over the interwebs) that Chris Hemsworth is Thor and Tom Hiddleston is Loki. To answer your owl impression ("Who? Who?"), Hemsworth was Kirk's daddy in Star Trek and Hiddleston is some foreign actor who is apparently, like, talented and stuff. I don't know. This leaves really only a few key roles, and we all know Karl Urban is going to be offered one (he's got a right of first refusal for all sword-bearing roles). The more interesting questions are who is going to play Sif, the one female role of note, and will there be any famous person involved? I think that the best evidence of how to cast a film like this is actually the oft-mentioned Star Trek. You want to cast people with a body of work that you can refer to (Simon Pegg for example) but who aren't iconically identified elsewhere (cough, CHRISTIAN BALE, cough). Although I applaud casting unknowns if they deserve it (for the record, I thought Hemsworth was the wobbliest performance in all of Star Trek and he was in it for like 5 minutes), but I do like the idea of casting somewhat familiar faces that work. To wit, why not use a Rachel McAdams as Sif? She needs the franchise and is undeniably gorgeous. What about casting someone somewhat familiar in the role of Thor's allies? It doesn't have to be a huge name, like maybe a TV star of some note (like Jorge Garcia as the fat guy that's in Thor's clique). Just curious as to whether or not a movie like this needs SOMEONE we've heard of. It's not like Thor is a household name like Spiderman or Mr. Clean.
posted by Ryan at
9:05 AM
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