Friday free for all

Year One Review

Let the following serve as a warning. Who would have thought The Proposal would be the funniest movie of the weekend?

Humor Starts in Year Two?
Year One ain’t no fun
Ryan Syrek

Watching Year One is like listening to an unfunny coworker tell a long set-up joke full of unnecessary detours. Only, instead of a punchline, the priest, the rabbi and the flatulent nun just make idle conversation and misremember parts of the bible. Audiences watching comedies in a theater are more forgiving than Kobe Bryant’s wife, and yet Year One yielded but one big laugh from the gang at my screening, coming when Michael Cera’s character peed on his own face. Enjoy, America!

The screenplay, penned by director Harold Ramis alongside Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, appears to have been written during a commercial break while watching a television show or while soaping up in the shower. Zed (Jack Black) and Oh (Cera) are morons living in cave people times who behave just like Jack Black and Michael Cera. Zed accidentally burns the village down after eating forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, which begins the confusion about just when the film is set and initiates the biblical tomfoolery.

The dipshit duo journey over a mountain range, and run into Cain (David Cross) and Abel (Paul Rudd), who don’t do anything funny. They then meet Abraham (Hank Azaria), who makes a bunch of jokes about circumcision because frequent use of the word penis is hilarious, and travel to Sodom to rescue a few smoking hotties (Juno Temple and June Diane Raphael) from their village who have been sold into slavery because slavery is also hysterical. The rescue attempt somehow involves Oh rubbing hot oil on a fat, hairy high priest (Oliver Platt) and Zed making ridiculous screaming noises.

Beyond the criminal misuse of cameos from the likes of Rudd and Bill Hader, Year One just never even tries to be funny. What passes for humor includes a joke about Jews not being good at sports, repeated mentions of the joys of sodomy and Black doing the same schtick he’s run into the ground for more than a decade now. Cera is passably funny but is hereby put on notice that his “awkward nerd” bit is starting to sour. We’ll drink it now, but he’s just a few days from curdling.

More concerning is that Stupnitsky and Eisenberg have been given the first crack at penning the upcoming Ghostbusters sequel, potentially with Ramis directing. There are probably worse creative teams to reunite—M. Night Shyamalan and Mark Wahlberg perhaps—but the list is relatively small.

That the film was slated for a choice summer release date is as much an indication that hopes were high as the sizable budget that the film was given; sadly, this squandered investment of time and money by the studio will be repeated on a smaller level by consumers upon every ticket purchase. What could have been a goofy return to historical shenanigans a la History of the World: Part I plays like an unfunny stoner’s religious history cliff notes. To use a biblical descriptor, Year One is downright unholy.

Grade - D

Weekend Battle Plan: See Sandra Bullock's goodies

I'm guessing there's not full-on nudity in The Proposal. I wouldn't know because I haven't seen it. I know that I will see it because my wife has a compulsive need to rent all romantic comedies ever made. Have you seen Win a Date With Tad Hamilton? Because I OWN a copy of Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. This week was busy enough where I only got to see one incredibly unfunny summer movie, but I did hear some good things about The Proposal from folks (one of them was an interview my friend Steve King did on his morning show with Jesse James...who just happens to be married to Sandra Bullock). Ryan Reynolds is likable (although I think I've only truly liked one movie he's ever been in, The Nines) and if you even get to see a little of what Sandra's got workin', it's still a hot piece of somethin' somethin'. So, consider this a lukewarm recommendation to see The Proposal if you want to see something new. It's more of an anti-recommendation against the hellaciously stupid and relentlessly unfunny Year One than it is a recommendation for the cookie-cutter rom-com. Oh, and someone needs to tell me how much of Sandra's Bullock you're actually getting to see. Matt Lauer seemed to indicate by his childish and giddy horny behavior that you see a lot, but he's sexually repressed (come on, we all know it).

That's my recommendation: See The Proposal if you want to. I honestly don't care. If you live in a town with Moon playing, see that instead and tell me how it was.

On DVD: I don't have a DVD recommendation this week. I'm sure as hell not recommending the Friday the 13th remake and that's about all that got pooped out onto video shelves this week. On the morning show this morning, I recommended renting a TV series like "Weeds." That's a good recommendation, but so is enjoying the out-of-doors. For example, if you happen to be within the vicinity of Decatur, Nebraska and are so inclined, they are having their "Riverfront Days" celebration this weekend. The town has various events, including a fish fry and "Decatur Idol," which is tonight at 7 pm. I just so happen to play Simon Cowell in that little production. My accent quickly moves from "droll and accurate" to My Fair Lady embarrassing, so it's worth seeing. Saturday, my wife and her family ride horses in the big parade. So, support a small town like Decatur (or actually support Decatur) this weekend instead of going into a dark room and watching a video.

This doesn't fit into anything but someone on twitter sent it and I had to include it.

Best.

Tattoo.

Ever.

That dude's my hero.

Fearless, Flawless Box Office Predictions

Another lackluster week means more of the same faces showing up in this list, whether I want 'em to or not. How stupid do all those execs who engaged in the pissing contest to get their films released in May look right now? If Terminator had dropped it's turd self in during the last two weeks, it would have made $200 million domestically. It would have still sucked, but it would have made a lot more money.

Here's how I see this week (haiku time):

1.) The Proposal - $27 million

Romance be damned
the promise of Sandra nude
will win this weekend.

2.) The Hangover - $22 million

This may win again
but even if it doesn't
it already won.

3.) Up - $20 million

Continued success!
May beat The Incredibles.
Now that is shocking.

4.) Year One - $14 million

Word of mouth will kill.
Sunday should be nearly empty.
Avoid at all costs.

5.) The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 - $13.5 million

Mediocre film
Mediocre box office.
No surprises here.

WILDCARD: None

Don't need one this week.
I should be spot on with these.
Will regret this Mon.

Have a good weekend gang!