Quick clips for Monday June 29

The subtlety of junk jokes

I am going to review HBO's new show "Hung," which hinges (as most things do) on a huge phallus, for two reasons: (A) It's the Monday of 4th of July Week, meaning it was this or a write-up on how Smurfs is going to be in 3D (to better appreciate Smurfette's kickin' curves), and (B) it was directed by Academy Award winner and Omahan (he's more proud of one of those than the other) Alexander Payne, so I get movie AND Omaha points (mmmm, the double dip). Feeling very much like a male-oriented "Weeds," the show demonstrates a surprising amount of restraint for a program centering around a reproductive organ. Thomas Jane is Ray, a down-on-his-luck everyman whose life trajectory is best summed up by his exchange with his shallow, shrew of an ex-wife (Anne Heche), who ditched him for a needle-nosed, sure-to-be-erection-challenged dermatologist with money: "God, you were beautiful and athletic and talented and smart and popular—and hung.” “What am I now?” “Now you’re just hung!” Divorced and broke, Ray and his two awkward, real-looking children (Charlie Saxton and Sianoa Smit-McPhee) live in his parents old home...until that burns down. Desperate, Ray attends a self-help money-making seminar where he reunites with and reboffs Tanya (the delightfully quirky Jane Adams). In a fit of post-coital rage, Tanya taunts Ray with the idea that he should find a way to capitalize on the one gift he has, the Ed "Too Tall" Jones he has in his pants. Within minutes, the plot is hatched, and Ray is on his way to Gigolo town, population: skeevy. In the hands of a lesser writing/directing team, "Hung" would have been an unbearable bevy of junk jokes, burdened by the very premise that probably got it greenlit by HBO execs. Instead, Payne's subtle hand guides the action into his wheelhouse: the schlub adventure. Jane's sullen, tragic performance never veers into tomfoolery, as though he studied Mary-Louise Parker's descent into the drug trade on "Weeds" like his life depended on it. Adams is equally up to the challenge, as she fights off the pull of her role as it was written: a campy stock character with little glitz. It's important to note that this is only one episode, and the pilot does fall pray to the one weakness that threatens to consume "Weeds" at times: tonal shifting of a tectonic nature. Never outright funny enough to be a comedy (and to daggum sad at times, like with Payne's haunting fire sequence), never realistic or poignant enough to be a drama, the show's burden will be to swim between those shores as interesting as possible, lest it drown while treading water. Overall, an incredibly nice debut with the promise for some sexual hijinks and subtle conflict to come. Grade - B+

Oscar is serious about this shiznit

You ain't watchin' da Oscars and da Oscars knows it. In another move that is sure to raise eyebrows (as soon as everybody collectively recovers from the McMahon-Fawcett-Jackson-Mays celebrity death march...seriously, God, why take Billy Mays...did you have a stain in heaven that just wouldn't come out?), the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (a title as long as their award shows) have announced two more changes in addition to the doubling of the Best Picture nominees. However, unlike that maneuver (designed to make room for big budget tripe you actually liked), these two are designed to bring respectability back and shrink the show. The first announcement was that they ain't gon' give a Best Song Oscar if they's don't wanna. Basically, the music branch of the Academy will listen to eligible songs (as usual) and will score them (as usual) on a scale of 6-10 (so that nobody gets their feelings hurt with an "ouchie" score of a 1-2, or what I call the "Miley Cyrus range"). New rules say that if no song gets at least an 8.2, the category won't exist that year. If at least one does, that song and the next highest scorer would be nominated (with a cap at 5 if 5 or more were to score 8.2 or higher). It's actually a move to show some integrity, but they will assuredly find some way to screw it up, so don't worry. Now, the second piece of news is short and easy to understand: They're moving those annoying take-your-pee-break-now "tribute" awards to another night. HALLELUJAH! I mean, don't get me wrong, I want said old industry fart to get the recognition, but maybe not at the expense of padding a half-hour onto the broadcast. It was pretty much the point at which all older folks went "well, I'm going to bed," which is ironic considering it was their peer up there, likely wishing he or she (who am I kidding, it's the Academy, so HE) was in bed too. We'll have to see if this has a real impact or just a tiny little one on the running time of the show and the integrity of the categories. My guess? Just like an ambidextrous dwarf tosser, it'll have a little on both.

Weekend Box Office Roundup: Thanks for the reminder that my opinion is irrelevant

Nothing like a $387 million worldwide reminder that your opinion is totally, 100% worthless. It's nice to know that, globally, the citizens of the world care not for writing, character, or integrity so long as plenty of shit blows up and Megan Fox's goodies jiggle. Michael Bay is now rich enough to buy back his dignity and have me killed for dissing him. Thanks again, moviegoers! I'm now going to whisper my opinions to a chicken, upon whom it will have a similar impact.

Here's how it went (haiku style):

1.) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Racists - $112 million (Accuracy of prediction - 91%)

America votes:
Unanimous rejection...
of me, not the film.

2.) The Proposal - $18.5 million (Accuracy of prediction - 98%)

Sandra is in line
for one of her biggest hits.
Somewhere, Steve feels joy.

3.) The Hangover - $17 million (Accuracy of prediction - 94%)

I have nothing left.
It's funny but not that much.
Still, suck it Paul Blart.

4.) Up - $13 million (Accuracy of prediction - 92.5%)

Now Pixar's third best
Sure to get the second spot.
Not bad, Ed Asner!

5.) My Sister's Keeper - $12 million (Accuracy of prediction - 90%)

Not bad for cancer!
Wait, I mean cancer movie.
That was poorly done.

Overall accuracy of prediction - 93.1%

Solid week, this week.
I'm getting used to success.
It will fade quite soon.

Happy Monday gang!