Monday, August 17, 2009

There is nothing amusing about White Chicks 2

Many online rumor-mongers like yours truly will make quips about how White Chicks 2 signals some kind of apocalypse. The same har-de-har-har BS jokery we get every time a stupid sequel gets greenlit. Well, eff that, this is more serious than some funny punchline about how the Mayan's predicted the world would end in 2012 (the projected start date). The other day, the remote was like waaaaay out of reach, and I ended up catching three minutes of White Chicks. Do you know what happened? My eyes caught gonorrhea. Somebody once told me that they loved the movie, thought it was hilarious. That person? Ahmoud Amidinejad. This isn't a bad sequel to a bad movie. This is war. I'm going to need to assemble a crack squad of aging bad-asses (preferably some who are "too old for this shit"). I'm thinking I'll need both Tango and Cash, The Muscles from Brussels and The Face That's Out of Place (Mickey Rourke)...hell, I'll take Turner and Hooch. We have to stop this. Did you know that every single town that had a theater playing the first White Chicks had a 200% increase in birth defects that year? Did you know that the Wayons brothers are actually a cannibalistic clan that feast solely on the eyes of newborns? Did you know that White Chicks 2 will be funded solely on the proceeds of illegal organ trafficking? This isn't something we can take lying down, people. This is serious shit. If we don't act quickly, there's no goofy apocalypse that will occur, but I can promise you pain and suffering...a shitload of suffering. Please, help join this fight before it's too late.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeer gonna need 8 meen. Those 8 meen will be doin' one thang and one thang only... killin' Wayons. Those men will owe a debt to you. Their debt will be to get you ONE HUNADD WAYONS SCALPS!!! And you want yer scalps.

August 24, 2009  

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