Friday, August 28, 2009

Time to play the Twilight caption game again

Okay, the reason this is "news" is that apparently people who love Twilight have been waiting to see how some specific vampires played by famous people are going to look...and they look, well, every bit as generic as everything else in the godforsaken series. But, hey, this is what some people want, so we're going to now play the game: Let's give each one of these images of whatever the hell "The Volturi" are three funny captions each! It's my favorite game that doesn't involve nudity or money.

First up is Michael Sheen as Aro:

Michael Sheen as Aro in The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Caption 1 - "Oddly enough, Mandy Moore has the other half of this BFF necklace."
Caption 2 - "If you look like a pervy creeper clap your hands..."
Caption 3 - "Laugh it up, this pays 73 times what I made for Frost/Nixon."

Next up is Cameron Bright as Alec

Cameron Bright as Alec in The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Caption 1 - "Oh, um, 'juicy hooker red by Mabeline' thanks for asking."
Caption 2 - "My belt buckle says 'Bad Mother Sucker' if you look close."
Caption 3 - "You can't tell, but the back of this jacket is bedazzled like hell."

Here's Jamie Campbell Bower as Caius

Jamie Campbell Bower as Caius in The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Caption 1: "Don't tell me I don't know how to make sparklefingers. I will SHOW you mothers how to make sparkle fingers."
Caption 2: "I'm bring the ascot back."
Caption 3: "You like this pose? Criss Angel taught it to me."

Here's Christopher Heyerdahl as Marcus

Christopher Heyerdahl as Marcus in The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Caption 1: "Thank you all for coming to the Hoboken Senior Citizen Center's production of Hamlet."
Caption 2: "So then I says, bullshit I can't milk a cow that big, watch me."
Caption 3: "Do I look too Crispin Glover-y? I feel like I look too Crispin Glover-y."

And finally, the one you've been waiting for, Dakota Fanning as Jane

Dakota Fanning as Jane in The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Caption 1: "This is me smiling."
Caption 2: "If this doesn't change my image, I'm going to have to boob punch Abbie Breslin."
Caption 3: "See, I'm scary! Boo, I says. I says 'I'm-a getchoo."

Try it on your own, it's waaaay better than any dialogue in the movie.

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