Vanessa Hudgens, now with more Hamm!

As Tina Fey astutely put it on "30 Rock," the man below looks like a cartoon pilot.



His name is Jon Hamm, he stars on AMC's "Mad Men," which I don't watch because I find it boring making me some kind of lesser life form in the eyes of many, and according to The Hollywood Reporter he is the first real male star of Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder's follow-up to Watchmen. The film sounds totally deranged, with Emily Browning (who?) playing a young girl in the 1950s who is about to be lobotomized. Her and her friends enter some kind of alternate reality and plan an escape, but you know by that description she probably was already lobotomized (spoiler? maybe?). The important thing is, it's going to be hyper-stylized, crazy intense, and likely throw buckets of nudity at the screen (oh, please, it's not like co-star Vanessa Hudgens has any problem with that...she's been practicing one iPhone camera at a time). Hamm is set to play a mysterious character called "High Roller," which I'm guessing given the trippy plot synopsis does not refer to a gambler but a giant human rolling pin. Hamm is also starring in Ben Affleck's follow-up to Gone Baby Gone (the best film of the year it came out...which I'm too lazy to look up but I think was 2007). He SHOULD be starring as Captain America (seriously, look at the man's chin), but they're likely going to cast some effing teenager in the role. Seriously, Marvel, listen up. I don't even like "Mad Men" and I'm telling you this is your guy. Look at him and tell me he doesn't look the part...and Captain America SHOULD be older than the rest of the Avengers, dammit. Don't cast some frakkin' supporting cast member from "True Blood" or some such shit, cast Jon Hamm. Hammit!