Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Secret pitch = megabucks

While all other studios are closed off to new pitches by this point, content to count the cash they've collected for creating crap, Paramount just offered two writers $2 million. For what, you may ask. Piss off, they ain't tellin'. That's right. No plot or title was released; instead, all we got is word that JJ Abrams (king of unnecessary secrecy) and his Bad Robot company are producing and that the writers were Aline Brosh McKenna (that's apparently a real name) and Simon Kinberg. If you add up the works by both screenwriters, you may be able to assemble one or two decent movies. McKenna's best was The Devil Wears Prada (based off a book she didn't write), and Kinberg's best was Mr. and Mrs. Smith (known more for off-screen boffage than on-screen action). McKenna's worst was 27 Dresses with the vile Katherine Heigl, Kinberg's worst was the evil X-Men: The Last Stand. Okay, seriously, what the hell could the plot possibly be? It's obviously some blend of action and romance, potentially involving people dressed in ridiculous outfits. Here are my top 3 guesses based on their respective bodies of work:

1.) The Devil and the Daredevil - High-powered attorney and blind superhero suddenly finds himself forced to work for a notorious and unrelenting bitch. Hilarity ensues.

2.) Obey? Oh boy! - A husband and wife spy duo discovers they're pregnant...or, to be more specific, thanks to one mission to Chernobl, HE'S pregnant. Hilarity ensues.

3.) X-Men 4: The Musical - Starring Hugh Jackman, this romp through the mutant world asks the questions: Do superheroes fall in love? Answer: Yes, yes they do. Hilarity ensues.

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