Briefly, then soaring

Really didn't miss too much yesterday as far as movie news goes. Beyond the obviously tragic death of Brittney Murphy (which even I won't joke about), apparently all that's happened is a few teaser trailers popped up (which we'll get to in my junk drawer, making its early appearance tomorrow), a few posters emerged, and Peter Jackson is helping to do another adaptation of fantasy books. I know that last one really does deserve some attention so, as quick as possible, it's called "The Mortal Engines," it's set in a post-apocalyptic world, and has something to do with giant cities that are somehow mobile. They move around consuming resources and fighting. Does it sound cool? You bet. Do I want to see it? Sure. Do I have the strength to do more coverage of a Peter Jackson fantasy movie today? No. My wizard jokes are tired. I do, however, have a whole bunch of Hawkman jokes I just never get to use...until now. Over at Pajiba, reports are that they are making a live-action Hawkman movie at Warner Bros. For those who are unfamiliar with the comic book character, that's because he's incredibly lame. He looks like this:

That's some guy on the internet, but that really is exactly what his costume looks like. He has wings and a stick that he hits you with. He also has a mask that looks like a pigeon. There's some insanely complicated back story in the comics, which is downright incomprehensible. Something about some Egyptian gods or something, I can't stay awake long enough to figure it out. That said, my favorite part about this is that the people behind the movie are describing it as "part Indiana Jones, part Da Vinci Code, part Ghost." In order: (1) You wish, (2) is that a good thing?, and (3) huhbuwha? How is this part Ghost? Also, if you take the worst parts from those movies, you could have a slow-moving, non-adventure where a bunch of people talk about Crystal Skulls with Shia LaBeouf while Demi Moore has her worst haircut. I know that DC is hoping for what Marvel got from Iron Man with this endeavor (a small character that blows up), but Iron Man isn't a small character in the comics. He has tons of great adventures and stories. Hawkman has a "shirt" that is basically suspenders held together by Hot Topic belt buckle. That's not cool.

Okay, that's all for today. I have a bunch of presents to wrap. I'll see you tomorrow with my junk drawer!