Ryan's Junk Drawer

Hey, it's the last time you're going to see my junk this year! You've gotten quite familiar with my junk over the past 52 weeks, but for those who aren't students of my junk, here's the obligatory disclaimer (I'm not talking about my actual naughty parts, I'm talking about little news nuggets that don't work as whole posts unto themselves. Basically, they're like Kazakhstan, when it's a part of the Soviet Union, we collectively fear it...but by itself, we forget it exists. Also, another tradition that will survive into the new year, we take a peek inside the creepy image from Highlights for Kids magazine and make up something about it from my imagination. This week's item is once more the white glow. Actually, it's the Christmas spirit! Thomas was sad that the holidays were over, so he tricked the spirit of Christmas with a ransom note signed with elf blood. After saying "Boy, this drawer sure does have the holiday gloomies," the spirit was tricked inside, and Thomas slammed the door with a terrible cackle. Merry Christmas indeed.

Here are the glimpses of my junk until 2010.

1.) My Moon, my MAD - The Interwebs are abuzz with news that Sony Pictures Classic, who had the nads to buy Moon in the first pace, have gone full retard and decided not to send out screeners and promote Moon for awards. This is like being invited to a BCS bowl game and deciding not to play because you've already spent so much on the regular college football season. Sam Rockwell deserves a nomination, as does director Duncan Jones. Neither will get one unless we do it for them. So, go everywhere on the Internet you can and promote the film. Sign the ongoing petition, try to tweet about it often, and really get people talking about this great film that deserves more attention and credit. Also, I made it through this whole post about wanting more people to talk about Moon without making a butt joke. That shows how serious I am.

2.) Ghostbusters is happening before the Mayan apocalypse - If you can take Harold Ramis seriously after the last decade, you'll be excited. He SWEARS that Ghostbusters 3 is happening in 2011. As in, that's when we see it, not when it starts shooting. I would be excited, but if the jackholes who did Year One are still involved in writing it, it's going to suck. Sorry. That movie was so GD bad that there's no way the writers can redeem themselves. You know how they keep pedophiles away from children by having rules about how close they can get to schools, those two asshats need to have some kind of congressional mandate regarding their proximity to writing implements. Anyway, if someone with a brainwave can rewrite any of it, then I'm excited. Until then...meh.

3.) WW2 monsters not named Hitler - So Variety is reporting that they're making a movie about creepy monsters that come out of the mist on a military base during WW2. It's called Night and Fog but it shouldn't be. It should be called something cool like Blitzkreatures or The Greatest Generation...of Mutants or Double-ya Double-ya Too Many Monsters. Or not. It's a slow news week, so small news nuggets get even smaller. You practically need to be a shrunken Rick Moranis to see this one. Here's a picture to break up the visual boringness.

4.) Boldly knighted - Seriously, these news nuggets are now officially crumbs. Patrick Stewart got knighted. Does anyone care? I mean, besides Patrick Stewart and a bunch of dorks from the 90s? I'm a dork, so I get to say that. It's sort of like how you can make fun of your mom but nobody else can. Now here's a picture of a hamster eating SIR Patrick Stewart's head that I found on this blog.

5.) Trailers parked - Not a huge time for trailers either, but dammit I done found some for you.

First up is the new Inception trailer. Me likey. Me likey a lot. I have no clue why this isn't at the top of everybody's must-see for 2010 list. Nothing else like it out there. That shot of the city folding up? Mmmmmmm.



Next up is far more disappointing. Cop Out, which used to be A Couple of Dicks, looks stupid. Man, that's a bummer. I love Kevin Smith and I was hoping that him directing someone else's script would help him out. It doesn't look that way. I'm holding out a sliver of hope only for two reasons (1) the laugh that Willis gives during the police brutality threat and (2) the ending of the thing was funny. That's it though.


Okay, that's the best we have for this week. I tried really hard. I hope to be better next year.