Friday, February 26, 2010

Angelina Jolie: Unwanted

I feel weird issuing a spoiler alert for a movie that came out like 2 years ago, but look away if (A) you haven't seen Wanted, a nonsensical action movie, and (B) you don't want to know the ending. Hi, welcome to those of you who have seen Wanted or don't give a shit about Wanted. I love all of you equally. News broke yesterday that the sequel to Wanted, presumably titled The Want is Real, is not going to happen. See, Angelina Jolie has opted out, which makes sense because her character FREAKING DIED in the last movie. Nobody knew what weird storytelling, magical reincarnation bullshit they were going to use to get her back for the sequel, but being as she was the only truly famous person in it (sorry, Morgan Freeman, you lost your famous person status when you did your stepdaughter), the sequel is now kaputsky. At least, that's the thinking. I GUARANTEE you that Mark Millar, who wrote the original comic, is going to come out and state that the sequel is ON, he wrote the shit out of it, it's going to star some super-secret-mega-star, and be directed by Jesus. Millar is a liar. So what is Jolie doing with her non-Wanted time (besides, you know, reconnecting with her douchey douchey father, Jon Voight)? According to Vulture, Jolie will star in Gravity for bad-ass mofo Alfonso Cuaron. Wait? WHAT! Apparently, Gravity follows the only survivor of some kind of space accident trying to get home and was written by Cuaron's 28-year-old son (wonder how he got that deal). Seeing as how Children of Men was an incredible, incredible science fiction masterpiece, I am so very in. Although, for the record, the only thing more overrated than Angelina Jolie is Dippin' Dots. Ice cream of the future my ass.

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