Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The 3D craze gets biblically stupid

It's a gray, foggy day in Omaha. I slept a semi-obscene amount last night, but still feel mentally woozy from not having had a day off of my various jobs since the Carter administration. So, it's very nice that Hollywood has decided to go ahead and make the jokes that I usually have to squeeze from my very own mind grapes. What do I mean? Oh, just that Deadline Hollywood reports that Paramount is co-financing a 3D retelling of the book of Genesis. Don't worry about the word of the Lord being distorted by people looking to whore it out for a few shekels though, because it's being written by John Fusco, and he wrote Hidalgo and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles latest endeavor. I was looking for some kind of example that the 3D craze has gotten out of control, but I just couldn't put my finger on that perfect glaring sign that things had gone from "you gotta be kidding me" to "please put this gun in my mouth." I mean, a movie of the book of Genesis is kind of a bad idea anyway, unless you want to put some cool spin on it, which no one wants to do for fear of offending people...which makes me laugh, because you're already using parts of the bible for fun and profit, so really what's a little artistic license here and there. But now...now we have the knowledge that Adam and Eve's fig leaves will bristle and almost give us a look at their yum yums in all 3 dimensions! We can watch Cain eff up Abel with a rock that seems to come RIGHT AT US! People making this movie need to be shown The Nativity Story post haste. Also, the budget is somehow only $30 million (including expensive 3D camera stuffs), so Adam and Eve may look like this.

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