Friday, July 30, 2010

Lars Von Trier can feel free to punish Kirsten Dunst

I'll admit that Lars Von Trier doesn't make movies for me. Really, he doesn't make movies for anyone, as he simply shovels them like coal to feed the fire that fuels his Godzilla-sized ego. But he REALLY doesn't make them for me, as I am neither intrigued nor compelled by the mere sound of something like Antichrist, which has been described as so horrifyingly misogynistic that it makes "Mad Men" look like "Fear of Flying." For those who aren't offput by misogyny (way to be a douche), there's always the genital mutilation of Willem DeFoe, a crime doubly disturbing because it requires remembering that Willem DeFoe has genitals. So, call me crazy, but I haven't had Melancholia, the next flick from Von Trier, circled on my calendar. That is, until now. See, turns out Kirsten Dunst is in the lead. There are two Kirsten Dunsts in my opinion. The strikingly beautiful, smokey-voiced youngster.
And the hideous she-beast brought forth by alcohol consumption, copious amounts of drugs, the absence of boobie support, and a lack of effort.
Boy I'm betting she hates the dude (and you know it was a dude) who snapped this shot that night. She has this split personality that also comes out in her performances, where half the time I enjoy her and half the time I want to replace her with an incredibly talented cup of coffee. Now she's going to star in a movie that involves some combination of a wedding, Charlotte Gainsbourg, and Kiefer Sutherland (Christmas trees beware). And since this is a Von Trier movie, she may or may not be molested by a deer or something. I'm probably not really all that excited about this movie even now, but I do like that Dunst is apparently stretching her range a bit. She's done so much crap that I think that it soaked into her DNA and turned her into see in the second picture up there (seriously, can't you hear her yelling "I'm schpiderman's girlfriend, who wantssss to touch me?"). Yeesh. Here's hoping that by trying to act again, trying to really change up her modus operandi, that she becomes that darling vision up at the top. That or Von Trier has a sentient lawn gnome kill her on screen.

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